Thursday, October 31, 2002

haaaaayyyyyy sarap maligo.

got home at around 7 am. ayush ang Halloween party ng #cfad! success!! /me congrats sa kanila! daming food, daming booze, daming tao! naihila ko nga si Koji e.. ako na lang naiwang babae dun around 5 am.. tas sumabay na ako keh peri pauwi..

ayush! dami kong nakiss BWAHAHAHAH! ayush talaga pag lasheng na mga tao... LOL! anywayz.. ayun.. naiwan ako mag-isa dito sa bahay ngayon kasi 'di ako makabangon kanina nung umalis sila.. sobraaaaaaang antok puh ako.. nagising nga lang ako dahil nag ring at nagring yung telephone 'tas para lang naman sa kapatid ko.. tsk.. di puh ako kumakain haha.. kain lng muna..
my post yesterday: Wednesday, October 30, 2002

System Time: 8:47 AM
can't even begin to imagine how i would start this blog.. can't even sort out my own feelings.. shouldn't really matter, you know.. it's the fact that he didn't tell me that bothers me the most.. it's as if he intentionally lied to me...i was like playing in a game in which the rules were held back from me.. so i played without limits.. freely..without apprehension.. it's unfair.. 'cause if i knew from the start,.. if i knew the rules of the game.. i could have played things differently.. with caution.. 'cause i knew i needed to be careful not to break the rules...he said that was the reason why he didn't tell me.. that i might change how i played the game... yes,.. it is true that i would have altered my ways.. but it doesn't matter 'cause i would have still played the game.. i woudn't leave.. i would've still been there for him...'s also the manner he told me.. like he was really guilty of something.. he kept on saying he was sorry.. and he kept on asking me if i was angry at him.. i could honestly tell him that i wasn't.. i wasn't feeling that.. i felt.. hmm.. dunno what i felt.. but i wasn't angry.. i think i was.... disappointed.. and hurt.. i'm still figuring out why i'm feeling those things..

.. pangs haS a gf. right from the start he had one and he conveniently excluded that in our conversations...

i need a hug.

right before that.. he even asked me where i was yesterday.. and that he missed me.. tsk. guys. they're all the same.

when he told me he was sorry... i said.. it was ok.. we're friends and it shouldn't matter.,just wished he told me from the start. then i wouldn't be breaking my #1 GUIDELINE. fuck. now i'm left with all these emotions inside me.. making me feel nauseous and enervated..

System Time: 11:33 AM
... it should be obvious, of course.. there could only be one reason why i'm feeling like this.. i love him. but how could that be possible? can you love two people at the same time? i'm so fucking confused. i'm confused at these emotions i'm feeling. maybe it isn't love. i don't know what it is..., yet. maybe it's because i felt betrayed or something like that..hay. naH. it isn't that. i'm just plain confused.

...i've got to figure out what to do.. first of all, i have to put a name on this emotion i'm feeling... and the reason for it.. and for me to do that is to stay away from him.. i know i can't stay away forever.. he's affected me so much already.. but for now, i have to put things in order.. maybe i'm just experiencing some sort of system malfunction.. time will tell.. and that's what i need.. just time and space from him..

i'm sure this may seem trivial to anyone else...i'll probably laugh this off after some time.. but i'm sure everyone had felt in some part of their life of missing someone when a day has passed and you haven't conversed..felt as if this someone is the only one who truly understood you.. that you connected in some level higher than friendship.. though you're not committed to each's okay.. 'cause you're both free.. free to play the game..

i suck at this game. i really do.

it's not for's for emotionless people and no matter how hard i try.. i'll never be like that..WHEN will i ever learn?

System Time: 1:29 PM
...will be going at #CFAD's halloween party later.. better to drown my miseries away.. (wonder how many bottles of beer will it take.. hmm)

..presently listening to Goo Goo Dolls - Here is Gone..

...i thought i lost you somewhere, but you were never really there at all...

my mp3list consists of fucking sad songs.. Here is Gone, Blurry, Barely Breathing and It's Over now.. just torturing myself by playing them repeatedly.. actually.. songs really uplift my spirit..i mean i feel as if i'm not alone and somebody else had experienced what i'm feeling that's why they're singing about it.. to help other people like me who could relate to whatever they've experienced.. song..

...can you take it all away, when you shoved it in my face ..this pain you gave to me...

hay. Neither Eboy nor Mel can go with me at the party. hay ok lang. i'll still go for the booze. and "rule #1 when depressed":
don't make it worse by making mukmok.

me and my rules. as if i follow them.

System Time: 3:03 PM
.. bait naman ako, dibuh. (here goes the self-pity phase)
..what's with me and haliparot guys? it's as if i have this sign hanging in my neck saying "pick me. i'm gullible."
..maybe it's me. do i constantly over-analyze every action they make? do i give meaning to everything they say when it really shouldn't be given any importance at all? i don't. i really don't. i've learned this already. i DON'T! but Pangs was.. he was.. (fuck i'm going to say it).. i THOUGHT HE WAS FUCKING DIFFERENT. fuck. fuck. fuck.

he can be so fucking convincing.
"ate na-miss kita"
pak MURET!

ok. i think i'm getting angry now. this is a good sign. ^_^ if only i could get through all the phases in just one day.. (shocked part, hurt part, self-pity part, angry part, moving on part) i'm such a cry-baby puh naman.

System Time: 4:57 PM
..k8tee's going. yes. meh kasama na kong gurl at "ka-batch" sa IRC.. sana payagan din syang dun matulog...

..sayang talaga 'di pwede sila eboy and mel.. tsk.

Here is Gone parin pinapakinggan ko.

...and i wanted to be.. all you need.. somehow here is gone..

sad sad song.

i'm going to talk about him again. fuck. after he told me that.. it took me a while for it to sink in.. then i was able to mumble..

"tulog na ko kuyuh. cge."
"sorry ate"
"sorry ate"
/me hangs up.
/me stares at lampshade in our living room.
/me goes back to bed.
/me closes eyes tightly while mumbling..
"bawal umiyak.."
/me cries anyway.

/me turo sarili "IYAKIN!"

when i woke up.. my sister said (ate Chary)

"ano yan! *looks at my eyes
" nakagat ka buh ng ipis!?"
me: "nyeh. puyat lang."
/me turns away.

hay. iyakin talaga. tsk.

gusto ko nang uminommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!

tama na yan, INUMAN NA!!

chet. 5:22 pa lng. more than 30 minutes to go.
...better find something to do other than stare at my monitor..

System Time: 5:48 PM
..been reading LOTR... (again).. forgot to bring a disk.. good thing Chipper brought 6..(he copied this mp3 he liked to his HD).. will just stare at my monitor now.. bye.

Tuesday, October 29, 2002

System Time: 10:47 AM
...tagal ng 6 pm!

what i've been doing for the past 2 hours:
1. finished 1 report
2. read some LOTR
3. stared at my monitor
4. more staring
5. moooree staring

actually, i still have a couple of reports to do.. (i think i've been saying this for the past few work days.. ) still haven't finished them... i'm pacing myself, you know.. so that i'll still have some work left for tomorrow.. (HeHe)..

my sister, Ate Chary just called.. she's going to this party tonight (uh-oh) at Libis and she's asking me how i got this taxi go inside our village.. taxi drivers usually don't go that you could just imagine how far our village is from the "city"... maybe i was lucky that night.. just added a few bucks to compensate the distance.. (that was when we went to The Podium and Eboy slept over).. anywayz, before that Ate Chary told me about a guy she met last Friday.. and that same guy is supposedly going to this party again..she's worried that our folks won't allow her.. you see, considering the fact that our house is poorly situated, (as i would like to put it..) my folks are pretty touchy when it comes to going home late at night.. even my sister who's 29 years old (tanda na!) still has a hard time getting their permission.. i told her i'll talk to mom and dad.. (in short, susuportahan ko sya).. this is an opportunity that mustn't be missed!! (she's such a Bridget Jones fan).. Ate chary is a member (may even be an officer, lol) of the NBSB club.. (No Boyfriend Since Birth).. yep, she's 29.. not that she's not pretty.. she is! she looks a little like Dawn Zulueta.. (hope she doesn't read this.. ewww.. my reputation might get tarnished as the "BrattySister") she had a few suitors.. but the guys usually have the 3 P's.. Pandak, Poor and Panget.. lol!.. she even has this Rainier guy calling her almost everyday.. I asked her if she met this guy already and how he looked like.. my sister said.. "Mabait talaga siya.." hahaha! i said to my sister.. "La ka ng panahon maging mabait!" .. i was only (half) joking of course.. so if anyone who's reading this know of someone of good height, average looks, proper wealth and is above 29 years old.. please tell me! we'll arrange for him to have a date with my!

hay.. look who's talking, noh? as if my relationship with dexf is somewhere near perfect.. (or normal).. anywayz.. GL to Ate Chary!

..wasn't able to go online last night.. 'te Chary was using the PC.. fell asleep right after watching Charmed.. when i woke up this morning.. i kept on reminding myself of guideline #1 on crushes.. "bawal mag-emote!"
....Pangs has stopped becoming my last call for the day kasi.. dami kasing chix pinalitan na ko..
....di man lang ako nami-miss..
my evil twin is doing the typing, okay? don't mind her! she's talking nonsense.. fuck. ang weird ko. LOL!

next please.

*thinks of other stuff*

i hafta find a buyer for my laptop! ano buhh hanggang ngayon 'di ko puh nabebenta.. i'll double my efforts (what effort?), i promise.. i'll send an ad everyday at Buy and Sell (the newspaper) and ask more people about it.. Ate Ging brought home this mag she bought at Malaysia.. it's full of techie gadgets.. (kaka-lula) new phones, PDAs and an article about game consoles.. been pouring myself over reviews whether to buy Xbox or PS2.. but i still don't have enough money to buy one! demmit! 'di naman ako nag-iipon.. pano nga naman ako magkakapera!? *wapaks sarili*

..uh-oh.. my batchmates are being called by Ma'am Belle (sis and supervisor) one by one.. Chipper just told me through net send that he received a verbal warning regarding his tardiness.. Koji's the one talking to Ma'am now, (nyirks baka sunod na ko).. i don't recall being late this month, but i did have a couple of absences (dibuh?)..
chet. onga pala. baka for last month yun.. i think i had a couple of lates last cut-off.. i did have 29 pesos deducted from me for uTT.. hmmm....
chet. si Froi na tinawag. *thud, thud*
chet. 'di naman mashado late si Froi uh!? mas marami pa kong late dun e.. ngirkssss. tsaka bat ang tagal ng usapan! parang tag-10 minutes bawat isa. nyahhhh!
hmm.. di ako tinawag.. baka dahil 12 pm na e.. LoL! pero bumalik na si Froi..

System Time: 1:17 PM
..ha! Ma'am Belle didn't have "The Talk" with me.. my batchmates all told me that it was only about their tardiness.. plus sermon stuff like "what if asa client kayo, blah blah.."
...uh-oh.. it's the twilight hour.. @_@ .. hafta switch to dance mp3s..

presently listening to Pink - Get this Party Started

*struts sa utak*

.... i'mmmmmmmm coming up so you better get this party started

ay ganda nito.. The Lovebite - Side by Side.. dance music din.. ! diniskette ni Chipper.. 6 na disc lolz.. eka.. babasa lang ulit ako ng LOTR bago maantok..

System Time: 2:51 PM
.. didn't read LOTR.. felt sleepy just looking at it.. to think i borrowed another book by Tolkien from my sister.. The Silmarillion.. (/me kanta.. mangarap kaaaa) ei.. i finished LOTR! i can read anything i set my mind to! hehe
...opened the pseudo-Thesis Anshe (my thesis partner) made.. i guess i should work on this if i want to get my TOR.. i can't even remember the screen layouts i did.. this project has been with me for some time now, but still haven't started modifying it.. i'll try to start doing this at home.. (where i have a copy of documentation.. can't remember a freaking thing..).. still no TOR but i'm employed you ask? (well.... *eHEm*.. dinadaan ko na lang sa entrance test and interviews lol) my HD crashed and in it were 200+ mp3 files and our Thesis. HUHUHUHU. i cried that day when that happened. i was so stupid.. i usually back up our thesis at a separate HD.. i must've deleted it to free some space for more mp3s.. yan!!! nawala tuloy HUHHUHUH. (this occured summer of 2001, i think) Don't get me wrong, we've got our grade and everything...(graduate na ko noh! lol) but our prof. (BWISET) insisted that our thesis should be in a deployable CD for them to release our TOR and Diploma..ayun.. khet anong pakiusap ko ayaw talaga pumayag na wag na lang.. hayy.. bahala sya.. 'di tuloy ako nakakaapply sa malalaking company.. kasi hingi kagad TOR.. anywayz.. after my stint here at Radix (kung 'ndi ako tumopak at magpasisante), 3 years programming experience na ko nun.. woah.. (tanda ko na!) so malamang 'ndi na rin ako hihingan ng TOR.. pero gawin ko parin kasi, wala lang.. para naman meh Diploma ako! (and for Anshe syempre)

System Time: 3:51 PM
... read some previous blogs.. read again the unsent letter to PC (aka #1; Spidey).. revised it.. (again).. still don't know if i'll send it...i mean, if i send it.. i'll be expecting some sort of response and i'll only get disappointed when i don't get any... kaya, STOP EMOTING DEMMIT.

System Time: 5:05 PM
.. yes. 1 hour to go... bowling kami mamaya ng ipismeyts.. then i'll meet ate Ging at powerbooks afterwards... we'll start looking at drum sets..

System Time: 5:45 PM
..been reading previous blogs again.. i'm such a liar (LoL!).. saying stuff like, "this is the last time ek ek.. never again ek ek" and then take back the stuff i'd said the following day.. gaaaH!
...just waiting for 6 pm.. hayy.. just one more day.. then 4-day rest na!..
..6 na.. bye!
my blog yesterday: Monday, October 28, 2002

System Time: 9:03 A.M.
... presently listening to this old song.. Don't Let Me Be the Last to Know..
ohhh loveeeeee, don't let me be the last to knowwww.. if that is true, then tell me so.. i wanna hear it come from you..
my mp3list for today consists of old senti songs.. was very early for work... 7:25 am.. woah...didn't have the usual Monday-Mishaps.. (TG).. but i still felt sleepy when i arrived so i slept on my desk till 8:03 am.. woke up at the sound of my batchmates' voices.. *wapaks d two op dem* (si Koji absent.. naconfine ermats nya)'s gonna be a short working week.. (Hurrah!) Oct. 31 has been declared a legal holiday and already i feel so restless and impatient for the long weekend rest... my family didn't make any out-of-town plans.. just our usual going-to-cemetery thing on Nov. 1 and 2.. i actually just want to sleep for more than 8 hours... been sleeping for less than 5 on weekdays.. (irc paren hehe)
... dex's cousin just texted me..i quote.. "hi! musta my blta nba s board nnyo? pls tel me naman kc c dx umuwi n s cbu. ate"

board namen? nakng. LOL. that was probably what he told them when they asked who i was.. anywayz.. no problem there.. just told his couz that i have no news yet and will text her as soon as i see the results.. she also said that Dex might've arrived today at Cebu around 6:30 am.. he took a carrier last Saturday.. tagal din pala pag by barko..


ei.. gud news.. (i think).. #3 and i are chatmeyts again.. nademote tuloy sya..( pero pwede rin nating i-akyat sa #2 LoL!) anywayz, he's "the Kid"... him and #4 (ohmahgod.. 4!?? the resurrection!) are the main reasons why i'm sleeping late again.. just catching up in kwentuhan.. (oi ate cHa.. prendli prends lng! hehe) MEH MOMI NA KO yep.. pero doesn't mean that i'll stop talking to other people and make mukmok right? i've learned my lesson and i'll just try to go on with my life (AGAIN).. i'll just stop the emoting part hehe.. but there's one thing that i promised Dex..that no matter what happens.. i'll always be his... seryoso namen, noh? we talk about the future sometimes.. and it'll always look kinda bleak for us.. and it's the commitment we made to each other that makes us sane.. that regardless of how long it'll take us, plus the enumerable issues we have to face.. we'll still end up together..

*grabe na tohhh..*

osha tama na drama. break time muna. bRb!

System Time: 11:37 AM
next topic.

si #4 na lang haha. naguusap ulit kami sa IRC.. pansin nyo buh.. yung mga meh rank or number puro chatter?.. (si dex 'lang rank kasi di ko na sha kinoconsider as "chatter" category.. IRL na YEhey! lol!) anywayz.. i know i've mentioned #4 before.. at my previous blogs.. let's just call him Bal.. short for balloon.. in tagalog, Lobo.. in English.. hehehehe sekwet.. (gets nyo na buh kung cno sya? lol)..crush ko yun e.. katuwa kasi sya.. nung nakita ko sa EB.. ang haba na nung buhok! gulat ako e.. 'cause last time i saw him, naka-skinhead sya.. but that was June/July puh ata.. mas bagay sa kanyang kalbo.. :รพ

lahat ng mga crush ko machix talaga.. si #1 lang yung wala.. i mean, kung meron man.. 'ndi sya nagkukwento saken about them.. (kaya sya ang tunay na #1 LOL!) musta na kaya yun.. hmm.. okay lng naman dibuh.. crush lang e! (defensive?) basta.. meh 2 "guidelines" na ako when it comes to crushes..
1. bawal mag-emote tungkol sa kanila
2. pwede magpantasya LOL *pwedeeeeeeee*

ok, ok.. yung #1 lagi kong naviviolate pero simula ngayon (oo, ngayon) talagang isasapuso ko na yang #1. (yung guideline uh, ndi si Spidey LOL) mega-emote ako e.. lalo na keh #1(Spidey) tsaka #2 (Pangs).. hmpft. 'di na ngayon. (walang kokontra!)
si Pangs malapit ng mawala sa listahan yan..dami ng mashadong chix e.. 'ndi ako nagkakacrush sa malandeeeeeeH LOL!

System Time: 2:19 PM
...just received my payslip.. laki ng uTT ko! (undertime and tardiness :bleh.. bastush ng esep).. nothing compared to my batchmates', though.. their uTTs are bigger (hihi)..

..woah. spacing out again. *_* antuk!

System Time: 3:26 PM
...brrr lamig.. hirap talagang magpanggap!actually nagawa na ni Froi yung problema ko sa SQL.. yahoo! kaya kokopyahin ko na lng hehe.. so sana matapos ko yung reports bago magThursday.. pero bukas ko na sisimulan.. *tamad talaga* iniisip ko talaga.. baka pinipilit ko lang sarili kong magprogram.. i mean.. marunong ako,sure.. pero yung eexcel?.. mageexcel ka lang sa bagay pag hilig mo sya.. ako naman.. is.. okay lang.. yun ang work ko kasi 1. alam ko kaya ko.. 2. yun ang pinag-aralan ko e.. sayang naman kung 'ndi ko sya gagamitin sa work.. pero gusto ko talaga magsariling business na.. para walang boss².. kaya lang lahat ng maisip kong business, ang gastos! kelangan ng MILYON² LOL!

meh 5-year plan nga kami ng mga kabarkada ko nung college.. tatayo kami club/restaurant.. (pero 4-years na lang.. lumipas na 1 taon e.. fatayyyy) kelangan namen talaga ng pondo.. basta meh plano ako kung pano kami magkakapuhunan..sekreto muna.. basta.. tungkol sya sa mga itik! (HEHEHEHE)

System Time: 6:08 PM
gtg! bye!

Saturday, October 26, 2002

went to #cfad's eb.. daming bago.. kilala ko lang syempre is yung #ust people.. anywayz.. really sleepy na.. nite all!
hay mga opismeyt kong OLATS! LOL!

talagang gumising puh ako ng maaga para mag-ayos ng kwarto... taena antok na antok ako pinilit kong bumangon.. tapos 'ndi pala pwede yung 2! ano buh yun! di man lng sinabi nung nag-usapan kami kahapon! haaayyyy

ako pa naman yung tipong pag nagising na.. di na bumabalik sa kama.. ay nood na lang ako pirated dvd hehe...

kagabi nga pala nakausap ko si momi.. uwi na daw sya ngayon. hay. babay.

kagabi nanlibre si irvie. saya hehe. sa tawa pa lang nabusog na ako.

hay umagang umaga talaga. sabado at gising ako ng 8 am. chet.

jebs muna babay! lol!
this was my post yesterday, Friday, October 25, 2002:

System Time: 9:46 AM
...ok.. i think i'm calmer now. all i needed was some sleep...
...pangs called me this morning.. around 6:30 am.. at first i thought he was the "hiphap guy".. 'cause right after i answered the phone and said "hello", he said "okey ka na?" in a voice that really resembled "hiphap guy".. but i recognized that it was him when he continued talking... even if i'd never told him.. i really do appreciate his calling me and asking me how i'm doing.. it makes my day, truly... just knowing somebody cares...

on the other hand...

naman momi.. mukhang uuwi na lang talaga ng 'ndi man lang magpapaalam..
'till now, he hasn't contacted me.. i know that he's leaving TODAY...

just a freaking cycle.

these are the main reasons why i don't do recons!..
1. the cause of a couple's break up (whatever/whoever it may be) still exists.
in our case.. the distance is still their.
2. it's very difficult for people to change.
i'm STILL the one who finds a way for us to talk or see each other. EFFORT lang sows.
3. and of course, HE HAD HIS CHANCE DEMMIT!
'la ng 2nd 2nd chance puh noh.

... and i threw all my 'standardz' away for him. first time i reconciliated with an ex... if my life was a movie, the title would be.. "You Had Me at 'momi' " .. narinig ko lang yung "momi.." ayun, natorete na naman.
'tas ngayon rekla-reklamo ako.
sabi ko nga i'll just have my one last(kuno) cry and try moving on na naman. kelan kaya ako matututo? (Soundtrack ng movie ko.."Di na natuto" by Gary V.)

System Time: 11:31 AM
...good thing i'll be going out tonight.. no time to make mukmok in our house.. irvie's birthday blowout..(the one which i asked her to move for today because ... grrrrrr naalala ko na naman) speaking of irvie.. hafta remember to buy her a present before meeting them.. hmm.. noh buh maganda..

System Time: 1:46 PM
... just got back from our lunch break.. we're late, of course..nyerkz feeling bossing... ate at Shangri-la.. back at Infostructure, it's really ok for us to go back to the office past 1 pm.. but here at Radix, is another story.. that's the thing that i really miss.. Info's very lenient when it comes to breaks.. they don't care as long as a client doesn't look for i had a flexi-time sched there so i never had a single late..

System Time: 2:09 PM
hay pak. i'm so sleypi again. presently staring at the pepsi bottle i bought.. (ok, so technically it's not a bottle but a hard plastic container).. it's blue. i mean the soda itself is blue. cool. gonna show it to my mother when i get home.. L O L! ay ay i remember.. just saw Ryan (ISM classmeyt) at Shangri-la.. saw his new gf.. bilib talaga ako dun.. i mean, ndi naman sya gwapo.. pero galing pumili ng gf hehe.. anywayz.. it's so nice to see any of my classmates.. i miss them... you know how each class has separate barkada groups? in ISM, it doesn't matter which barkada group you belong to.. we can hang out to any other barkada group we want.. 'cause we're just like one big family, really... that's extremely rare especially on block sections where some groups are feeling "high-end" and groups are classified as "d popular kids" or "bleh kind" (actually ganon ako nung hs haha.. nagbago na ko uh.. pakabait na ko)
..making friends has never been really a problem for reason perhaps is i've never been the "new kid" who had to exert effort to fit in.. was a scholastican since first grade.. at UST, i didn't have a single scholastican blockmate but it was ok 'cause everybody's kinda new so we're all sort of starting on the same level... i consider myself extremely lucky 'cause i've had great classmates.. from pre-com years 'till ISM time.. can't even say which class was more fun 'cause each had it's own stories to tell and "misadventures" that can win the "wala kayo sa klase namen..." bragging awards. if i really , really, really (lol) had to choose one, ISM may have the edge 'cause we still keep in touch and go out 'till now.. on december 15, in fact, we plan on going to caleruega again.. *excited for that*..

System Time: 3:55 PM
...presently listening to.. I'd still say yes.. it's all this song's fault!
... 'cause it'd still say yes, to you again.. my darling for you i'll do it all again.. yes, i'd still say yes to you again.. daaarling for you, i'll do it over and over again....

..|.. pak dat shit.

System Time: 4:23 PM
... yes. lapit na uwian... still have no idea what gift i'll buy for irvie...can't believe i didn't do a single work-related thing today..

System Time: 5:05 PM
gtg now! bye!

Thursday, October 24, 2002

hay. hay bohay. bwiset.

wala.. hindi sya pumunta. sabi ko na nga buh...tulog daw sabi ng cousin nya.

tapos nung tumawag saken si pangs... basta kwento-kwento.. tapos basta ewan ko kung pano napunta yung usapan.. dami daw nya lakad.. meh family daw pang pupuntahan.. edi tanong naman ako kung cno sa kapatid nya ang may family day sa school.. kapatid daw ng friend nya.. parang asa isip ko.. *nYeHHH*.. ka-family buh nya yun.. kaibagan DAW .. sows.

AT BAKIT AKO NAGEEMOTE SA KANYA! sabi nga ni ate cha... "meh momi ka na, emote ka pa dyan sa iba"

ewan ko buh.
di ko rin alam.
normal lang ba ang magselos sa taong wala ka namang karapatang magselos? (tama buh tagalog ko.. ah basta yun na yun)
lang kwentang buhay toh!

System Time: 8:56 PM
...gud mawnin! been listening to the same song since yesterday... The Company - You changed my life in a moment.. it's an old song but i never had a p3 of it 'till now.. changed my life in a moment and i'll never be the same changed my life in a moment and it's hard for me to understand, with a touch of your hand, in a moment of time..all my sorrow is gone


have no idea whether dex will drop by our house today.. must have cancelled 2 other engagements just in case he goes..
1. was irvie's birthday yesterday, supposed birthday *free* dinner is today.. had to ask her to move it for tomorrow.. hehe demanding ano lolz .. BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY IRVIE!!!
2. ma'am tabora's father died.. we were supposed to go to the wake today

...why do i get the feeling that i'll just be staying at our house tonight by myself? ..'cause even if dex does decide to go...(he planned on going after lunch) he might not find my folks at home..

me: "alis ka mommy bukas?"
mommy: "malamang.. dun sa bazaar nila Tita Feny"
me: "sa friday na lang kaw pumunta"
mommy: "last day bukas e"
me: "nyeks"
mommy: "bakit?"
me: "dibuh sabi ko baka pumunta si dex"
mommy: "la syang maabutan dito"
me: *di alam kung ano irereak* lol!

...wonder how dex is doing in his board exam.. it's his last day today.. uwi na daw sya sa 25..*sighs*.. this is what you call.. fleeting happiness.. right from the start, i knew that this *joy* i was feeling would only be short-lived.. i mean i thought i had prepared myself emotionally when he leaves manila(and me huhuhu).. it still scares the shit out of me... waah momiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

System Time: 10:47 AM
.. just thought of a really really good song to play! Paano! originally sung by Gary V. but was revived (brialliantly, if i may say so) by freestyle and janno gibbs making it a duet.. extremely nice.. (two thumbs up sign)
.. oh yakaaaaap, yakap ko siya dahil luha'y, dagling dadaloy ngunit paano.. pano ko sasabihin ito...

System Time: 3:08 PM
..have no idea how i would do the rest of the reports.. pak i feel so bobo.. so basically i've been doing... nothing for the past 1 1/2 hours.. hehe.. ay ay! i've been sending "graphic" messages thru 'net send' at my batchmates..

System Time: 5:13 PM
.. pak.. "ur current balance is.. 9 pesos" LOL! can't even call home..
my mother just replied to my text.. she said she's not in the house but my dad is.. hmmmmm.. pumunta kaya si dex... kung pumunta.. pinapasok kaya ng dadi ko!? lol! i forgot to mention that dex has sore eyes! chet wawa momi..san kaya nahawa yun.. hmmmm

System Time: 6:01 PM

Wednesday, October 23, 2002

been too busy at the office to blog anything... doing the (fucking hard) reports...

got a new haircut.. waaah it sucks.. got too short! demmit! *huhuhu*

anywayz.. it's already past 11 so unless i want to be zombie-like tomorrow, i'd hafta sleep already.. nite all!

Tuesday, October 22, 2002

System Time: 2:06 PM
... twilight hour has passed... just lost 6 thousand bucks.. :(
..hehe actually i refunded the tickets i sold.. tsk talaga.. now i find meaning in.. "pera na, naging bato pa.." (or in my case.. papel.. ulit)
...globe just called me (they called everyone who got free tickets) and told me to go to the mYx office on friday and claim a few giveaways.. (pampalubag loob in short)..will probably ask my folks to claim it for me.. (vcd daw ng oasis, etc) first of all, dami ko ng absent. 2nd, ayoko nga baka makita ko pa yung nakaaway ko 'dun.. masabihan puh ko ng.. "buti nga 'sayo" LoL!
...they told us to hold on to our tickets, though.. he said the promoter is still negotiating for a new concert date.. hay..

System Time: 2:54 PM
.. i will NOT sing in our christmas party. yak noh.. pwede buh yokong mapahiya. kasi bat meh presentation pang nalalaman e... all new batches for the year are required to present something on the christmas party.. my batchmates and i decided to like form a band.. and of course, the problem is nobody wants to be the vocalist.. basta HELLO... ayaw ko sows.. ano yon comedy lolz..

System Time: 5:14 PM
supervisor: "anong ginagawa mo geri?"
me: "wala po"
supervisor: *gives me dismayed look*
me: *best sheepish look*


so now, i'm officially given the BULK of the reports.. i'm not yet doing them.. bukas na..presently enjoying the process of choosing the songs that we might play.. so far the list is:

1.savage garden - i knew i loved you
2.vertical horizon - you're a god
3.wheatus - teenage dirtbag
4.eagle eyed cherry - save tonight
5.duncan sheik - barely breathing - don't let me get me

aliw!.. i'm all in favor for #s 1,4,6

we'll probably play 3 songs.. dapat daw medyo matagal presentation e.. layo pa buh december? excited mashado ano.. that was what i pointed out to my officemates.. but we later realized that we'll only be practising during Saturdays so that leaves us only about 5 practice sessions! para naman wak mashadong mapahiya.. ('pro di talaga ako kakanta eksyuuusmeeeee..)

System Time: 5:53 PM
... just waiting for 6 pm.. got loads of stuff to do just delaying them for tomorrow.. i forgot to include Goo goo dolls - here is gone.. such a sad, sad song.. acoustic version is awesome..

System Time: 6:04 PM
gtg ! bye!

Monday, October 21, 2002

System Time: 8:06 AM
delete delete pang nalalaman uh... LOL!

/me hides in a corner

me: "hindi kita matiis kainish"
#2 (reinstated lol): "alam ko naman 'yun e"
me: "bwiset"
#2: "lol"

this was after he kept on mentioning my handle and name... i was already lying in bed when i got up and looked at my IRC and saw it blinking... after staring at my monitor for about 5 minutes...(just reading "zZzLiping snub" being typed over and over) before i could stop myself, i reached for my mouse and slapped his nick once. then it was as if nothing has happened and everything was back to normal. after a few minutes (while i thought i was still talking to him in IRC), the phone rang and it was him.

me: "kausap pa kita, uh"
pangs (lol short for pangarap): "na-dc na ko 'tas tinamad na akong magconnect"

woah. it felt great hearing his voice again. i really am happy i shoved all my nonsense away and talked to him... i could've hugged him if he was with me irl LOL.. he really does know me better than everyone else.. including myself.. he knew all along that i couldn't stay away forever...

hihihihi. i could imagine ate cha's laugh...the one with the blinding effect..

/me tago keh ate cha LoL

my morning wasn't so bad, considering that it's a monday.. actually, i slept pretty well and woke up feeling rested..

it's momi's board exam week. i think i'm more nervous than he is.. /me dasal matindi .. hope all goes well.. waaH.. this is his last week in manila.. we met again last wednesday... we sort of had this "talk"..actually, it was me who was doing all the talking.. i made a big mistake and brought up the past.. so on our way to my house.. he was really quiet.. and it was all about a stupid phone.. *erases from memory* stupid, stupid me...

hay.. sometimes i feel as if he has no idea how much i love him... i truly understand his responsibilities to his family.. all i'm asking is he spare a little time to write once in a while and you know.. just simply make his presence felt.. that isn't asking much, right?

/me hugs momi tightly

System Time: 5:51 PM
..been helping out my batchmates in their programs by testing them.. in short, 'la kong ginagawa.. hehe.. also doing some leftover utilities.. like our report scripts and stuff.. but what i've been really doing is copying p3s! Froi has 3 cds that he copied in his HD.. they're mostly senti stuff but still found some good ones.. like this p3 i'm presently listening.. Stroke 9 - Little Black backpack..
....just don't expect to get your bloody black backpack back

ngek. my sister just called me and told me another bombing has happened.. LRT daw.. she asked me..

sister: "asan ka!?" (frantic voice)
me: "asa office"
sister: "pano ka uuwi?"
me: "bakit?"
sister: "meh sumabog na naman e.. LRT"
me: "ano buh sumabog... Mrt or Lrt?
sister: "LRT"
me: "MRT naman ako e"
sister: "onga, pag mag-bus ka naman delikado rin"
me: "tsambahan naman yun e..malas ko na lang"
sister: "onga hehe"

and with that conversation in mind... i hafta go now.. bye!

Saturday, October 19, 2002

ok, ok. so it's taking all my willpower just to stop myself from talking to him or calling him.
but still... i think i can do this. i've just got to distract myself. actually, i've spent most of the morning lying in my bed... now my head hurts from over-sleeping, lol! #3 formerly #2 did mack me last night... i left my PC connected, so when i woke up.. saw a couple of macks from people.. one of whom is #3.. i thought of course, that he's one of those people that just disappears from your life after making them part of yours... so i was really glad when he talked to me.. was just able to talk to him this morning (am also presently chatting with him while writing this blog)... he was like "snab mo ko kagabi" (or something like that)... at least we're still fwends.. he'll probably move up to #2 again with ex-pangarap totally dropping from my rank-list HAHAHA.. *makes the L sign*

hay i'm so freaking bitter. LOL! aminado naman ako, sows. it's just sooooooo unfair that people can easily put me aside and completely erase me from their life whereas i have to do a lot of things just to keep myself busy and distracted...

but i can really do this. i can! (konti puh, maniniwala na rin ako)

time to nurse this headache i got from over-sleeping by sleeping again... nayt
hay. i'm so frigging taayrd.

just woke up and still, i feel so.. groggy and disoriented.

oasis concert just got cancelled. damn those abu sayaf! pak sila. all my ek ek last thursday was for nothing! grrrrrrr kinarma kagad ako LOL! i was even able to sell the tickets.. now i have to give back her money.. demmit.


talked briefly to ex-pangarap at IRC. guys. they have no idea when to go away and when to stay.

he said: "galit ka?"
me: "/me alang pake"


i can delete you from my life. just watch me.

Thursday, October 17, 2002

grabeeeeeeeeeee.. what a day.

nag-absent na naman ako.. kasi balak ko ngang kunin yung tickets plus discman sa globe.. buti na lang sinamahan ako nila mommy and daddy na kunin yun.. nagkaligaw-ligaw pa nga kami dahil wala man lang ka-sign boardsign board yung hinayupak na office na yun.. MYX office ata yun eh.. anywayz.. nung andun na ako.. ang daming tao.. tapos there was this girl na nakakuha na ng ticket nya.. so i asked if kung san yung pwesto.. tapos nakita ko sa ticket na upper Box B.. so parang asa isip ko..
"ay olats.. tsk"
pero ok parin kasi prize naman kuno dibuh.. pero nung it was this big conyotic guy's turn.. pagkakuha nya ng ticket, nag thumbs up sya sa girl nyang kasama tapos sabi nya
.. edi nagtaka na ako.. bakit ganon.. bakit iba-iba binibigay.. then when it was my turn.. ang inaabot saken Upper box B din.. so i asked how come yung isang guy binigyan nila ng patron tickets.. i was just asking (and really really curious) kung ano systema nila dun.. tapos sabi ng girl (na nagrerelease nung tickets..) utos daw ng globe na sa mga lalake lang daw ibigay yung patron na tickets.. so i asked.. kung bakit.. it's the same contest naman.. it's the same text message na we received.. tsaka helloooo prepaid kaya yung sim ko so dapat kung may rule na ganon pala eh lalake ang pinakuha ko ng prize ko.. tapos i said to the girl
"eh bakit sya (/me pointing at guy na student) upper box B din binigay mo.."
tapos wala na siyang masabi.. grabe lang.. pinipilit nya na upper box b lang daw talaga ang ibibigay nya dahil yun daw ang "utos" so i asked..

"sino buh ang superior mo? asan sya?"
"super busy po talaga sya. as in"

duh. so i said
"just let me talk to her"

take note ang voice ko dito is very moderate and mahinahon. kasi gusto ko lang talaga malaman kung ano ang logic nila ng pagbibigay ng tickets.. pano nila dinididetermine who gets the patron, or the upper box B tickets..

then sobrang tagal ng usapan.. tapos talagang inabot na saken nung girl yung 4 upper box B tickets eh i wouldn't budge. kasi nga WALA SILANG LOGIC. i told them..

"bakit ba kayo nagdidiscriminate who gets the patron tickets?"

hindi daw sila nagdidiscriminate eh ano tawag dun sa ginagawa nila. i bet nirereserve lang nila yung patron tickets sa mga kakilala nilang nanalo.
tapos yung girl na kausap ko biglang sumigaw na (with matching open arms)


thought: aha. sigawan na pala ah.

i said:
"IF YOU'RE GOING TO SHOUT THEN I CAN SHOUT WITH YOU" (but promise mas malakas parin boses nya kasi nga dibuh paos ako with sipon and everything hehe)

then dumating na yung "boss" (babae din na mas walang kwenta, i swear)

"what seems to be the problem here?"

edi mega ulit ako.

tapos binigyan nya ako ng same reason. (guys lang daw pwede sa patron) so sinabi ko na naman na bakit yung ibang lalake ndi naman patron binibigay.
tapos sabi nya "first come first serve" daw.
so i said... "yun naman pala e.. andito ako.. you still have the tickets.. so anong problema?"

grrrrrrrrrr. basta bwiset na bwiset ako. in then end sinabi rin.
"bibigyan na kita ng 4 patron tickets para matapos na toh"

DUH! i was like "SA WAKAS!" yun nga gusto ko e. i was all for "discreet and diplomatic" etong babae mega sigaw sigaw eh wala namang SENSE yung sinasabi nya.
first of all, regular patron tickets are sold to girls. wala namang rule na lalaki lang pwede bumili nun. second, sana kung lahat ng tickets upper box b walang problema saken yun. eh nakita kong binigyan yung isa ng patron. sana sinabi na lang nila na hindi free yun and nag-alibi na lang sana sila na nagdagdag yun or something para maupgrade yung ticket nya. thirdly.. anong first come first serve? keh dami dami pang patron tickets ndi yun ang una nilang ibigay. kakapag init ng dugo. BWISET!

to top it all.. wala pa rin yung discman ko and it looks like i wouldn't receive it na.. 'cause my sister said that GENTEXTERS lang daw ang pwede manalo nun. so i guess fault ng globe yun tawag² pa sila saken. kasi nakalagay dun sa papel.. "Ann Gretchen Espinosa - not yet cleared by Globe" probably yun nga ang reason dahil 'di naman talaga ako GENTXTER.. anywayz.. OK LANG .. ika nga ng sister ko.."

"At least na-harass mo na sila"

malaking HMPFT!

tapos sinasabi ko sa ate ko..
"baka naman natandaan nila ticket number na binigay nila at harangin tayo sa pagpasok"
LOL!! takte napakasadista naman nila pag ganon. sobra. hanggang ngayon nabubwiset parin ako. ang laki ng difference uh.. 4 patron tickets..Php 8,400 lahat, compared to Php 2,800... talagang hindi ako aalis dun unless they give me a valid reason.

bukas siguro matatawa na lang ako. pero ngayon nabubwiset parin ako e..sensya na sa mga makakabasa. i have no idea kung ano nangyari sa mga succeeding "prize" winners ah.. pero wish ko lang is hindi rin sila pumayag na upper box b ang ibigay sa kanila! yung cousins ko nga na magke-claim din ng tickets (na sinabihan ko na na wag silang pumayag) ang reason daw sa kanila is wala na daw patron tickets.. when actually parang nagkasalisihan lang kami and a few minutes lang ang difference.. grrrr talga pak..

hay. *calms down* mabenta na nga lang tong mga ticket na toh LOL!

Wednesday, October 16, 2002

System Time: 3:08 PM
... nice to know you.. goodbyeeeeeeeeee!

he should have know better... i was only joking and he shouldn't have taken me seriously.. but he did.. and he was really pissed... i'm talking about 'pangarap' (X-pangarap! hmpft).. i think this will be the last time i'll talk about him here... because i have no plans of talking to him ever again... i swear, he'll miss me so much that he'll be singing "let the pain remain" and he'll wish he never met me in the first place... :bleh.

he said: "edi mamatay ka na ngayon!"

..|.. uLewL.

i've lived for 20 years without him... and i could yet live another 20 that if someone asked me if i knew him i would say "no" without hesitation..

i just don't get him... and it's about time i give up trying to understand him...

in the first place, i'm no more than a "favor-giver" to him.. "ate pwede ka magganito..ate pwede buh pakiano..." and i'm like "sure, np..anytime".. but that's me! i'll do the same for ANY of my friends.. but the keyword there is "friends" and i don't think he classifies as such anymore.. i can't even remember one single time when he did me a favor... i've lost far greater friends than him and i'm shooooooor i can handle his absence in my life...

so for the last time... "good-bye!" /me turns away

System Time: 3:56 PM
.. *achooooooooooo* *sniffs*
.. my sniffing has lessened..(only 1 sniff every 7 minutes hehe) been reading LOTR non-stop.. (what a feat!) story has been exciting.. what with the war, joining of forces of Rohan and Gondor.. etc.. just killing time.. me and momi are supposed to meet after work.. hope it doesn't rain..

System Time: 6:04 PM
gtg bye!
forgot to post this yesterday, October 15

System Time 9:18 AM
ggaaaaaH so sleypi again...even forgot to bring my diskette.. tsk tsk
..ei good news! won another pair of Oasis concert tickets.. woo-Hoo.. dunno why i keep on joining.. LoL!.. i'll be able to claim my tickets (and discman :p) on thursday... that's the only time my dad can accompany me..
...momi miscalled my phone this morning.. i had no load (spent it on the contest lol) so i couldn't call him.. i called as soon as i reached the office but his cousin said he already left.. probably for his review class.. tsk.. hope he calls tonight so we could plan as to when we'll meet again..oct. 25 is fast approaching (waaah) and i want to spend as much time with him as possible..

System Time: 9:52 AM
...waaaH i'm sick. i'm sniffing and coughing every 5 seconds. huhuhu. what's so common in a common cold if they can't even find a cure for it...*sniffs* someone once e-mailed me stuff like "isn't it scary that doctors call their profession, "practice"? ... but i happen to admire surgeons... they're the hardest type of doctors to replace.. you really need a sophisticated machine to substitute them... but just imagine.. surgeons who never get tired, never get old, never get pasmado! LoL.. hafta stop this topic before my batchmate slaps me IRC style...

System Time: 11:17 AM
*still sniffing*
fuck. i hate getting sick. i mean, who doesn't? only a fucking masochist... think i'm getting nauseous...

System Time: 11:53 AM
..tagal maglunch time.. chet. i think i'm getting really sick..

System Time: 2:25 PM
*still fucking sniffing*
*eyes watery*
have pity... LOL! anywayz, we ate at some restau in the Globe Building.. they had a TV so we were able to watch Eat Bulaga.. (get, get... awww! lol!)
*sniffs* este *sighs*

hay chet.. my supervisor asked me where i live.. she asked me this while holding my time sheet card.. i was able to mutter.. "antipolo po".. already knew of course why she asked me that.. i myself can't even remember how many times i've been late this cut-off.. plus i've got an ABS.. tsk²

System Time: 5:44 PM
.. been reading LOTR.. has gotten a little exciting 'cause the war is already starting.. but i still almost fell asleep after a few paragraphs.. i swear, LOTR is a cure for insomniacs..

System Time: 6:01 PM
..gtg bye!

Monday, October 14, 2002

System Time: 8:26 PM

...there was a looooong line at the shuttle terminal (it seems as if, every monday, the frigging population doubles) our dad had to directly drop us near my office just so i wouldn't be late again... *sighs*

...haven't heard from momi yet.. but i guess he's okay 'cause his cousin has stopped miscalling my phone.. i don't even know when we'll meet again.. sa tinagal-tagal naming magkasama kahapon.. nakalimutan namen pagusapan yun.. sowss...

..chet i remembered something.. while i was on my way back to sta.mesa (yesterday, after momi and i met)... i was searching for change in my jeans pocket for jeepney fare when i happened to looked down on my jeans... fuuuuckkkkk.. my freaking fly was open! not only "shy-open" but "hey-my-owner's-so-stupid kind of open" waaaH.. so i tried to discreetly close it.. waaahhhhh i was wondering how long it was open... eh before that i was walking ALL over UST not realizing that i might be parading my open zipper for everyone to see... don't know if i just became paranoid but come to think of it, i did get a few weird looks from girls sitted on the cat walk.. LOL! chet. *digs a hole for herself* sasapatusin ko si momi e.. 'di buh nya nakita? baka nakita nya di man lang ako sinabihan haha kahiyuhhhhhhh! sure glad i won't have to go back to UST in a regular basis... don't want to get recognized as the "fly-girl" LOL! pak talaga.

System Time: 9:10 AM
...all my batchmates are doing something..i'm just staring at my monitor and shivering.. *brrr*... i need my blankieeeeeeee

System Time: 9:21 AM
..i'm so sleyyyy-pee -_-
..this is going to be one LOOOng day.

System Time: 11:15 AM
...received new templates to study... it's actually pretty similar to the previous templates except this new one doesn't use class emissaries... i think i've only finished the first form event when i felt my eyes drooping again.. .i'm so sleepy already and it's not even the twilight hour yet..
/me @_@

System Time: 1:20 PM
...hay busog. presently listening to Creed - My Own Prison..wish i had a p3 of Where are you going by DMB.. i know, where you are... is where i want to be.. momi was singing it to me (or was trying to, lol) yesterday....
...i've got to admit.. i've been quite confused this past few days.. i was wondering if i'm just failing to distinguish between being in love and feeling euphoric...'cause it feels as if i'm on drugs since momi came back...high on him.. i know i've been talking of other guys here... especially 'bout PC... who has really affected me as a person,...but you know, i really believe that everything happens for a reason... i mean, of the many things that have occured these past few months, everything just fell back in its place since he came back to my life... everything just made sense... i know we still have a lot of problems to overcome... not to mention the monumental issues every couple have... but you know, it all boils downs to the "who makes you most happy" question... and i'd hafta be lying if i say it isn't him... he makes me so happy with so little effort.. just his presence is enough.. yes, we talk about the future sometimes... but one of the most important lessons i've learned is that nothing's a "sure thing"... and i just try to focus and appreciate every moment in my life..

System Time: 6:10 PM

Sunday, October 13, 2002

waaaH. my momi's missing again. wer r u? his cousin has been texting me and miscalling my phone. chet. waaaaaH. plsss. G take care of him. really hope he's just in a computer shop or something.. pls pls plsss

we met again this afternoon... we separated around 6 pm at ust and he's only staying at blumentritt. it should only take him about 30 minutes to go home but werdapak is he. his cousin texted me around 730 pm and then miscalled again at 930.

this is why i keep telling him to buy a phone.


Saturday, October 12, 2002

fuck. momi called me on my cellphone and i was up here in my room and my phone was in our living room. whydapak was my phone on silent on a weekend! hay. hope he calls again. anywayz... bad trippppppppppp! RP lost to Korea by a measly point. huhuhuhu. i was so disappointed i almost cried. huhuhu. The game was ours and we lost it.

ay ay! nagreply na si momi sa text ko. wasn't even sure i should text 'cause i know it's his cousin's phone. (pero, what d heck) ayun. we talked for a while.. i was using my phone which i think only had under a 100 worth of load..

ay brb. landline pown.

was 'pangarap'. momi knows him by name, 'cause he's part of my kwento sometimes.. we sort of agreed last time that we'd watch oasis together.. but momi's getting jealous (i think) 'cause he keeps on saying that why not take my sister or any girl friend with me.. so i guess i'll do just that.


Friday, October 11, 2002

System Time: 1:51 PM
..nakalimutan kong iupload mga blogs ko. tsk tsk. alang excuse.. nakalimutan ko lang talaga.
...nagkita ulit kami ni momi last wednesday. putek. dami kong kaOLATang ginawa. as in.
1. nung papunta na kaming megamall, dun kami sa MRT.. eh hindi na ako sanay na mag cubao-ortigas (laging ortigas-cubao).. nalito ako kung tama ba yung tren na sinakyan namen.. eh yun kaya sabi ko sa kanya na lumabas muna kami sa tren. tapos, tanong ako sa guard, tama naman pala.. umalis puh kami. pak.
2. nung asa mrt na kami, syempre naguusap kami,.. hindi ko namalayan kung ilang stops na ba ginawa or kung asang station na kami.. nung nakahinto.. tinanong saken ni momi kung san kami bababa.. sabi ko "ortigas" tas sabay tanong.."anong nakasulat dun sa sign?" kasi ndi ko na nakikita.. sabi nya "Ortigas na" sabay pasarado na mga pinto ng tren. ngayon lang ako lumampas ng tren sa buong buhay ko bwiset. dobol PAK.
3. syempre meh huli pa rin akong hirit. edi bumaba na lang kami sa Shaw. (isip ko para makita nya full-effect ng megamall.. kasi kung ortigas station kami bumaba, gilid lang ng building mapapansin nya.. pakonsuelo de bobo kumbaga) ang engot ko, dun kami umakyat sa right side, hindi dun sa papuntang Shangri-la. sa EdsaCentral ata yun nilabasan namen. ngayon lang ako nakapasok dun. nakalabas din kami dun pero syempre paglabas namen, dun kami sa side ng starmall at kelangan pang tumawid. keh layo. pak pak pak.


...pero lamnyo.. oki lang e. mas gugustuhin ko ang puro kaOLATan, kaURATan sa buhay ko kung sya naman kasama ko pag nagyayari yun.. (cue in: "awwwwww") hehe. kakahiya lang, parang ako ang hindi taga dito.

ay ay! meh isa pa pala akong kaOLATang ginawa. pero kahapon lang yun e.. pero counted na rin yun hehe. gusto ko kasi syang bilhan ng polo, eh ayaw nya mag-suot nun, so inisip ko.. shirt na lang.. eh di hanap ako.. tapos sa tagal tagal kong pumili, mali parin nabili ko. kasi medyo narealize ko na baka maliit sa kanya. *wapaks sarili* kung hindi kasya sa kanya.. sabihin ko na lng ibigay nya sa kapatid nya. LOL. pak (4times).
...buti na lang ndi kami magkikita ngayon, meh time pa akong bumili ng bago. tsaka susunduin ako ng magulang ko dito sa opis! kakatext lang saken ng nanay ko.. sabi buh naman: "WAG KA GWA LKAD SUSUNDUIN KA NAMIN" ..ang marereply mo na lang sa ganyang text eh ang makabagdamdaming(?).. "k".
...dapat nga pupunta kaming makati ni momi ngayon e..pero sabi naman nya 'di puh sya sigurado kasi baka meh gagawin sya para sa review.. eh hindi naman tumawag so yun.. wanko kung kelan ulit kami magkikita.. kala ko nga next week eh 20+ na yung date.. next² pa pala.. (yeYY!!!)..25 na daw talaga sya aalis.. sayang.. kakatawa nga kami e.. yun parin ang anniv namen.. 25 mag 1 year 8 months na kmi! haha keh daya. nung nabasa ko yung sulat nya, may/june ata nun e. so parang 4-5 months akong singol... sabi ko nga sa kanya... "OK na ako e, bumalik ka puh".. pero totoo naman.. OK = manhid, di na depressed, nagtatrabaho... ngayon.. sabi nga ni ate cha.. "Rollercoaster ka na naman" (or something like dat)..pero masaya naman ang Rollercoaster dibuhhh? kakabahan ka, kakexcite tapos mapapasigaw pag umaandar na, kala mo mamamatay ka na sa takot pero actually, napaka-safe naman nya talaga..tsaka ang saya²! (oh is like a rollercoaster hehe)... pwera lang pag sobra na.. nakakahilo at nakakasuka na... ayaw mo na pag ganon.. gusto mong mag ferris wheel na lang.. pero babalik ka parin sa Rollercoaster pag okay na sikmura mo.. eh ako dati... ang tagal ko ng nakaferris wheel! gusto ko namang magrollercoaster LOL!! (gutom na ata ako?) hay basta. i Love my Momi! /me siksik keh momi sabay kiss sa neck
..sana meh mp3 ako dito nung To Reach You.. reach you, i'll fly across the sky.. to tell you.. we belong together, we were meant to stay forever...

System Time: 3:03 PM
... friday ngayon uh. bakit 'ndi parin nagbebreak tong mga opismeyts ko!? inaantok na naman ata ako. yung binili ko ngang chewing gum sabi: "Wake Up 'Chew your stress away' with caffeine".. la namang epek. kinakabagan lang ako.
... keh mahal nung Oasis tickets..nakita ko sa poster.. 2,200 (lower box siguro yun) ..tas meh 1000, 600 tsaka 300 (3000 pinakamahal).. eh lowerbox gusto ko para naman makita ko sila.. dati kasi nung nanood kami the corrs, asa upper box A kami (1700 na ticket namen upper box A lang. pero oks lng. nilibre puh ako nun e.. kasi dapat magcoconcert sila Feb, eh student puh ako nun..)
...PUTEK!! tumawag saken yung sa GENTXT! nanalo ako Sony Discman aside from the tickets! hahahahahahahah! lucky charm ko ata talaga si momi gwabe. yung pamilya nga namen ndi nananalo sa mga raffle khet kelan e. wow talaga hehe.
... ay asan na buh kwento ko.. wala na, na-excite na naman ako...ayun.. tungkol sa ticket.. (galing ano? yun yung topic ko dito sabay tawag sila sa fone ko hehe) tinanong ko nga kung 'san yun e.. sabi nya ..di pa daw sinasabi ng Sony kung san daw designated yung mga free tickets.. at least meh chance parin na ndi gen. admission yun hihihi..ayyyyy ang saya! di ko naman actuali gusto ng discman perce.. baka ibenta ko para pandagdag sa savings ko (na ipambibili ko ng laruan HAHA)

System Time: 4:25 PM
..buti rin pala at susunduin ako...kasi laman na lang ng wallet ko is 40 pesos..waaah ang gastos ko badtrip...

System Time: 4:55 PM
../me strets strets.. saket ng likod ko.. sa megamol na daw kami magkikita kita ng pamilya ko.. dun na daw kami kakain.. hmm.. maya puh siguro mga yon e.. ksi ang uwian ni ate chary 5:30 puh eh sya unang susunduin kasi asa makati na sila mommy.. hmm.. mag wiwindow shopping na lang ako (window lng.. la na ko pera e..keh tagal ng sweldo lol) tsaka tambay sa powerbooks (as usual).. baka meh bagong fairy tale book hehe...sayang.. sana nagkita kami ni momi dhel matagal puh naman yung magulang ko e bago makarating ng ortigas.. chet.

System Time: 5:15 PM
.. asa opis parin ako.. di puh nga tumatayo mga kabatch ko e.. eniweiz oks lng.. di naman ako nagmamadali..
..good news! nagsweldo kami! WAHAHA galing talaga ng timing.. kakasabi ko lang na la na ko pera.. hehe yeish!
..babay na rin.. sana maupload ko na toh.. bye all!

i forgot to post this blog last wednesday, October 9:

System Time: 9:17 AM
gaaaaaaaH.. freaking sleypi again. (what's new...)
..already started making some scripts.. was able to finish 3.. 12 more to go.. all of which are difficult sql statements... i was getting sleepy just by reading the requirements...

System Time: 4:42 PM
..still not finished.. have 7 scripts to go.. waaah it's raining again... :( baka di na naman kami magkita nyan... demmit..
...haaaaaay balik gawa ng sql..

System Time: 5:07 PM
...been staring again at my PC.. (i think for about 7 minutes.. ) finished another script, so 6 more to go.. just really listening to my p3 and staring.. (presently playing.. "The Corrs - Leave Me Alone")

System Time: 5:29 PM
..there's a turtle in our office! hehe ang kyot.. he's not even people-shy.. just sticks his head to anyone who looks at him.. (i'm saying "HIM" by default, ok? am not aware of it's true sexuality hehe)
Sir Herbert said he bought him for 200 bucks.. he's kinda medium sized, as big as a 5510.. i remember seeing some small (cute rate: 10) turtles at Kartimar.. if i'm not mistaken they're 50 bucks each.. but you need at least 10 to make them presentable in an aquarium.. (kawawa naman kung konti.. la syang friends hehe).. plus my mom's kinda superstitious.. malas daw ang mga pagong (mabagal ang pagunlad lol)...sayang, kyot pa naman sila..

System Time: 5:51 PM
...spent around 10 minutes in the CR just to kill time.. don't want to start making the other scripts, 'cause i don't think i'll be able to finish it before 6...figured i'll just listen to 3 songs (ave. of 4 minutes each) then log-out..

bye then. ^_^

hope he's there.

Tuesday, October 08, 2002

just saw this on my e-mail, i copied my month:


> > Has a lot of ideas
> > Difficult to fathom
> > Thinks forward
> > Unique and brilliant
> > Extraordinary ideas
> > Sharp thinking
> > Fine and strong clairvoyance
> > Can become good doctors
> > Dynamic in personality
> > Secretive
> > Inquisitive
> > Knows how to dig secrets
> > Always thinking
> > Less talkative but amiable
> > Brave and generous
> > Patient
> > Stubborn and hard-hearted
> > If there is a will, there is a way
> > Determined
> > Never give up
> > Hardly becomes angry unless provoked
> > Loves to be alone
> > Thinks differently from others
> > Sharp-minded
> > Motivates oneself
> > Does not appreciate praises
> > High-spirited
> > Well-built and tough
> > Deep love and emotions
> > Romantic
> > Uncertain in relationships
> > Homely
> > Hardworking
> > High abilities
> > Trustworthy
> > Honest and keeps secrets
> > Not able to control emotions
> > Unpredictable

most are true for me, some aren't.. anywayz.. nanayt again!!

we weren't able to meet. i was late for 15 minutes.. and when i got to our meeting place, he wasn't there... then pak. all these thoughts came rushing in my head.
what if he wasn't able to go home safely last night? what if something bad happened to him? what if he doesn't want to see my any longer? what if he just left me 'cause i was late.. takteeeeeeeeee

while i was on my way home.. i was praying.. "sana inindyan nya lang ako.. plssssssss" i was soo worried. my sister ate chary took pity on me when she saw i was close to tears.. then my mom said... "Cheeeeeee, dexter daw.."

thought: "TG"

i was so overwhelmed with relief that i think i was stuttering on the phone. it was of course, raining hard and by the time he finished with all the stuff he's supposed to do for his review class, UST was once again flooded..(hanggang tuhod daw).. waahhhhhh *sighs with relief*

he said we'll try to meet again tomorrow..hope it doesn't rain...

waaah kinabahan talaga akoooooooo pakkkkkkkk.

ay kaka emote ko i almost forgot.. I WON oasis concert tickets!!! Woo-Hoo! hope they're good seats.. hafta sleep now.. hay salamat talaga.

nite all!
System Time: 8:38 AM
...weirdest thing happened to me this morning... i opened my eyes and peeked on my wallclock.. it said: 5:45 a.m...which is 5 minutes late from my wake-up time.. so i got up and then.. *poof*.. i looked up again in my wallclock and it said 4:30 a.m... i was only dreaming the first time.. so there i was standing in my room and thinking.. "fuck. nagising akong nakatayo". LOL!.. so i jumped on my bed again and fell asleep.. when my dad finally woke me up.. (it was 5:40 a.m.).. i couldn't tell if i was again just dreaming about the "standing up and finding out it was a dream.." i dreamed i was dreaming? hay weird....'s all momi's fault! LOL! juk lang momi kow.. we're supposed to meet today again.. i'll probably show him megamall.. di puh nya ata nasisilayan yun e hehe..
..hay.. i missed him so much.. seeing him again,.. i couldn't help but stare at him.. i was trying to memorize his face.. 'cause i know he'll go back to cebu again.. i don't know what'll happen to us once he goes back there.. i'm scared to think that it'll just be the same as last time.. but you know, i'm different now.. stronger.. i know i can handle the distance.. his absence.. i'm just enjoying each day that we're together.. think i ought to have some happiness in my life.. before he left our house, i was hugging him tightly and my heart was beating loudly, i thought i was hearing it.. but then i realized it wasn't my heart beating i was hearing.. it was his.. just as loudly, if not louder than mine.. then at that moment, hope pervaded my soul thinking that maybe, just maybe.. this time.. we'll have our happy ending...

WAHAHAH SENTI *wapaks sarili*

...then of course, there was 'pangarap' aka #2 (formerly #3.. dex isn't numbered hehe) .. he called me when i got home.. i told him i met dex that night.. at first he thought it was Spraken dex and then i said.. "ay kuyuh, si dex as in momi".. if i was looking for a reaction, i didn't get it.. he just said: "ahh talaga", a few "musta naman" stuff then continued with his kwento... if i was feeling a little guilty, all been vanished after that.. i'm really just his "Ate".. i was, as usual.. just deluding myself thinking he has any sort of feelings for me aside from our being friends... at least it makes things a lot less complicated.. my position on dex's return is difficult enough.. besides, i greatly rely on his friendship... i wouldn't want anything to undermine that..not dex, not any confusion that i might be feeling.. i need him.. he's like my daily habit.. my last call for the day.. he once promised me that he'll never leave me.. i have no idea if he still remembers that.. but I do,.. and i'll jog his memory if i have to just so he'll hold on to his promise...

WAAAAAAAH SENTI NA NAMAN *double wapaks sa sarili*

System Time: 11:02 AM
/me reads what i've written so far...
...think sleepiness has clogged up my brain..
/me embeds in mind.. "enjoy every moment" amen.
..i'm freaking thinking of stuff that shouldn't be spared even a minute being pondered upon..

System Time: 4:42 PM
...anghang nung suka.. meh naglako ng pritong lumpia e.. bumili kami hehe.. /me burps *anghang*
...presently listening to Chaka Demus & Pliers - Tease Me..
Tease me, tease me, tease me, tease me baby.. till i lose control, tease me with your loving till i lose control..take all my body and soul *sayaw² sa utak* LoL!
...we've been given a new load of stuff to do...we're creating SQL statements for our reports' recordsets.. i finished the easier ones.. total of 8 reports.. ahmm... 17 more to go.. wahaha dami puh...tinatamad lang puh akong gumawa...
... hay.. nakauwi kaya yun ng maayos kagabi.. magkikita kaya ulit kami mamaya? yeish only 1 hour to go till 6pm..

System Time: 6:11 PM
..chet.. gtg bye!

Monday, October 07, 2002

oki. now it's sinking in.

he was there. he looked a little bit different... mas lumaki katawan nya.. and takte.. long hair.. /me wapaks momi..

ang saya. yun lang masasabi ko. ^_^

hinatid nya ko hanggang bahay. putek.. sana nakauwi na yun.. layo puh naman ng bundok namen LoL.. anywayz.. antok na ako.. mashado akong naexcite kakapagod hehe..

nite all!
System Time: 8:39 PM
had a hard time sleeping last night.. think i laid on my bed for a full hour before i finally fell asleep...felt only like a few minutes have passed when my dad woked me then took me a whole second to remember that i was going to meet momi today after work.. my first thought was : "fuck. work day." (or maybe it was "fuck. meh pasok na naman".. can't really ascertain the latter part but i'm 100% sure on the "fuck" part LOL)..dunno which one is more aggravating.. having a 3 day rest ( just when you were beginning to relish your weekend, monday brought back the harsh work-freaking-day-again realities and you must muster all your strength to go back to work) or a 2 day rest (you never felt comfortable.. monday-workday was always lurking on your mind the whole weekend but at least there's no feeling of adjusting back to working-attitude 'cause you never lost it in the first place)...

...*blah blah blah* Manic Monday :lech

System Time: 9:37 AM
...been reading my blog.. i've created a separate word docu for each month.. can't believe that a whole month has passed.. October na pala!..

System Time: 2:11 PM
...time's moving soooo slowwwww (sabay ganon, ano.. iba naman oras sa araw e hehe)... wonder if we'll be able to meet.. hhmm dad and i watched K-19 mom and sister watched The Tuxedo.. i wanted to watch that one but my dad's not much of a Jackie Chan fan plus if i don't go with him, my sister will insist that i pay my own movie ticket so i went with my dad (dun ako sa libre, syempre)'s ok, i guess.. didn't fall asleep but (for me) some supposed-suspenseful-scenes weren't that suspenseful... some parts are quite dragging and it just felt like one LONG story... it was a little disappointing 'cause i'm a big fan of "submarine movies"... Crimson Tide's my favorite...

System Time: 3:53 PM
...have been categorizing movies in my mind.. LOL (taena 'la magawaaa).. here's what i've got so far...

Submarine movies:
3. U-571
4. K-19

waaaah alam ko meron puh e..

Airplane movies:

and the categories go on and on.. with stuff like MAN VS. NATURE, MAN EATING CREATURES, VIRUS/DISEASE, VAMPIRES, HAUNTED HOUSE, MAN PRETENDING TO BE WOMAN (LOL.. I thought of Mrs. doubtfire, big momma's house, sorority boys and tootsie..), BASEBALL, BASKETBALL ETC.

System Time: 4:49 PM
..chet more than an hour to go...listening to 80s music.. Johnny Hates Jazz - Shattered Dreams...
... and now you've given me, given me.. nothing but shattered dreams, shattered dreams..feel like i could run away, run away.. *struts in mind* lol
...ayyy its raining :(.. hope it subsides when it's time to go...

System Time: 5:29 PM
... chet 30 minutes to go.. sana andun sya mamaya...

System Time: 5:59 PM
heart goes: *thud, thud, THUD*

gtg now..bye!

Sunday, October 06, 2002


/me motivates herself... "i am so lucky to have a job. a lot of people are unemployed."

LOL!.. oki, oki... i know i'm starting to lose my exuberance towards work and it has only been a little more than a couple of months.. hay.. and i have this damn contract hanging in my head...

...don't go away is playing on NU.. thought: i should be very glad that i'm working 'cause i have money to buy tickets for the oasis concert... didn't even know they were coming, good thing i turned on my radio... just learned about the news last friday..

OH MY GOD! MOMI just called me. i couldn't believe it. wahahahahaaaaaaaaaa hapiiiiiiiiiiiiii he said he was just on the payphone.. anywayz.. he asked if we could meet tomorrow.. i'm still waiting for him to go online 'cause he couldn't stay that long on the phone.....

waah keh tagal.. asan na yun...

wahaha kausap ko na.. magkikita na talaga kami bukas.. makakatulog puh kaya ako.. i hafto sleep baka bangag bangag na naman ako bukas.. gudnite!

this was my blog last thursday at the office..didn't go to work on friday..(was just too lazy to get up..) forgot to post it:

System Time: 1:17 PM

/me burps

esmyuski.. had porkchop and ginisang sayote for lunch (yum yum)..
...i'm back to blogging again,..mainly because i've finished (i think) the stuff that were assigned to me so it's either i fall asleep again in front of my monitor or use my fingers to help me stay awake...(the twiiiilight hourrrr woo).. new p3s are a BIG help, though.. presently listening to Dishwalla - Somewhere in the Middle...
..just remembered,...have you ever received e-mails where you list items from 1 to something, then write names, songs or whatever next to them then it has some result like.. the person on #3 is the one you'll marry... blah blah? i don't usually answer them.. i was just so bored yesterday that instead of deleting it as i would usually do, i answered the damn thing. and of course, it bizarrely gave correct interpretation to my answers...
write on #s 3 and 7 names of the opposite sex.
so i wrote:
3. pangarap a.k.a #2 (formerly #3 lol..naks napromote)
7. PC aka spiderman
next instructions were:
write on #s 9 and 10 titles of songs
i wrote:
9. i need you
10. by heart
Interpretation daw:
--> person on #3 is the one you love
--> person on #7 is the one you like but didn't work out
--> song on #10 is your theme song for person on #7
--> song on #9 is how you feel for person on #3

aLiw!.. tumpak na tumpak.. especially 'bout the "song on #10 is your theme song for person on #7" part...'cause when i want to remember him and consequently torture myself, all i have to do is listen to that song! hehe!

System Time: 3:02 PM
haha dami pa palang bugs ng program ko. anywayz, i resolved (i think) most of them and hopefully, there aren't any major errors left.. at least i got to kill some time.. my sister just called and told me to eat dinner before i go home.. my mom is out and i don't know how to cook.. hmm.. ano buh masawap kainin....

..yeish! kasama ko si ipismeyt Koji..kain kami sa Tokyo².. i'm not a big fan of Tokyo² (hindi kasi lasang japanese) but Koji wants yung eat-all-you-can rice nila and i guess meh parang teriyaki festival ek ek sila.. so oki na rin!
..hay la na ko magawa.. 3:39 PM pa lang.. more than 2 hours to kill..

System Time: 5:30 PM
brrrr..*shivers* forrrrgott too b-bbrring maahh j-jjjacket.. hehe..just customized all my icons in the window explorer.. talk about having nothing to do, lol.. my folders for my p3s now have icons that are cds with little notes on them.. (cool! lol)..presently listening to Wheatus - A little respect..
"..oh baby pleeeeaseeee give a little respecttt too-hu-hu meeeee..."

System Time: 6:09 PM
gtg na.. bye!