Wednesday, February 16, 2011

...i'm my mother's daughter

what do you get after a korean drama Cinderella's Sister marathon that stops at 4am then resumes at 7am the morning after? an all-out self-realization of the complicated relationship between a mother and a daughter. I'm only at Episode 12, but i am really digging this drama. It's about a girl who got so messed up by her mother that she's become this cold-hearted bitch, any semblance of warmth has been freeze dried from her body,.. she can't reciprocate affection, much less give a hug to anyone(physical contact *shudders*) even if the receiving end was the biggest, fluffiest bear from Planet Cute making a peace sign.

my dad, mom and i were watching it together, for a while.. my dad actually gave up because he didn't 'like' the girl anymore because as my father said.. "ano ba yan, ang hirap pangitiin". Even after 8 years of being adopted by the nicest man her mother has ever come in contact with, her guard is still up, thinking that, anytime, this will all be taken from her and that this man is like all of her mother's previous good-for-nothing, abusive boylets.

And so, my realization starts.. (cue in background music). I know how it is, to go against your very nature. You see, we are not an affectionate family. My first instinct at an impending argument is to shut it down. Immediately. I'm the type who walks away in the middle of a haughty conversation. I can eat, sleep, watch tv (and actually laugh if its a comedy) 5 minutes after one of my "walk-out" sessions. As much as i love my korean dramas, i hate them(drama) in real life. My sisters and I are pretty much the same. We shout, curse the high heavens at each other, then we're okay 5 minutes later. Not that we actually faced the current issue at hand, goodness no. We just do what we do best. Push it aside and move on. No use talking about our "issues". We are the oldest dogs around, and we definitely can't learn new tricks. Do we blame our parents for our behavior? I can't speak for my sisters, but I do. I do blame them, particularly my mother. It's hard to change when you've been trained to react a certain way for 23 years. ( i subtracted 7 years, or until i had actual memories stored. I would like to think i wasn't born this way, and that ignorance is bliss)

I may not have realized it before, but I am my mother's daughter. Not in the sense that we are alike (or maybe we are) but, I turned out this way because of her. My mother takes the Bee of all Drama Queens. Do you know how many times she has threatened to run away from our home? ( I don't, i've lost count) Well, i can count the time when she actually made it past our gate and into our neighbor's house. (Once). I remember one time, my sisters and i were all watching TV in our room, then our father walks in. "maglalayas na naman daw yung mommy mo", he says. My sisters and I just looked at each other, then continued watching TV. Then my sister speaks up "Who is she kidding. As if magcocommute sya". I think my contribution to this conversation was something like "Ihatid mo daw sya daddy sa pupuntahan nya hehe". We may seem like kids spawned from hell but when your mother is prone to hysterics and drama.. the line becomes fuzzy between a REAL issue versus a petty one. And so, I have turned up allergic to conflict. And at times, insensitive. I have been in situations where I was like "Oh, that were real tears?" or "ahh, galit ka pala saken?" or "Did I just stomp all over your guts and puked on them?"

Poor raymond. He gets the brunt of my bad behavior. (I don't even want to imagine how my respective sister's spouses handle them). My raymond who is the complete opposite of me (emotionally). He's the "let's talk about it guy". One time, we were in the middle of fighting and I was stubbornly still washing the dishes while he tried to talk to me. He said "Could you quit what you're doing and start talking to me!" and I was like "Haven't you heard of multi-tasking!?". poor hubby *hugs*.

Growing up, I made a mental list of stuff I wouldn't be once I become a mother. How i wish, I made an ACTUAL list so i can still remember the specifics.. now, Dear Blog, i will post as much as I can remember, so when I'm at wits end raising 2 teenage boys, I go back to this list and read what I wrote when my biggest worry was only whether my children pooped today or not.

Dear future geri,

please don't be a hypocrite. case in point: My mom, dad and I had a recent conversation over the perils of showbiz relationships.. about KC and Piolo of all things. Dad said "pumatol pa siya eh may anak na". Mom said "siya naman lalake eh". I didn't understand this at all and asked what she meant. She said since si Piolo naman daw ang lalake, okay lang na sya ang may anak. Kaysa naman daw yung babae ang may anak tapos papatulan pa. ("Huh!?") I couldn't help myself, I told my mother.. "Don't be a hypocrite" and she said "Paano ako naging hypocrite." I said: "so kung may pamangkin kang babae, tapos ang boyfriend eh meh anak na, okay lang sayo kasi lalake naman sya?". She said: "syempre hindi, iba naman yun, showbiz ang pinaguusapan natin." I said: "yeah, mom.. that's the definition of a hypocrite".

please say sorry to your children when you're at fault. my mom and I, in our EPIC fight (where it started with her saying "kahit gusto kitang isuka, hindi kita masuka kasi anak kita").. I was just the most evil of all daughters.. i talked back to my mother, MUCH MUCH more than my usual talking back. (that says a lot) I had a line to her that goes.. "yeah, of course you're not sorry. You're perfect. You've never been wrong, You've never had to apologize for anything". So Dear Future geri, know when you've wronged your children. You're human, you can commit mistakes. and you should know how to say sorry.

please work. don't stay at home your whole married life taking care of the children. don't have a midlife crisis and start looking for a "job" at 50. just work now, so at 50 you'll enjoy the pleasures of staying at home.. and not the other way around when you'll think that staying at home is boring and you've come to realize that you're completely dependent on your husband.

Please be affectionate to your husband and children. Shower them with hugs and kisses. Tell them you love them. Everyday, on the phone, before you go to sleep. Tell them how much you mean to them. and don't be afraid to demand them to tell you how much YOU mean to THEM.

*sighs* that's all I can remember for now. Of course i don't blame ALL of my bad behavior on my parents. (yeah, my dad too. we got it from him, the 'emotionally stunted' part. we can be DENSE) I'm an adult, I would like to think that I have control of my life, hence, my attitude. I have tried to change my ways. sometimes I can crush my first instinct.. sometimes i fail. But just realizing this makes me want to try harder.. My mom doesn't even tip the scale of the worst-mothers-out-there book, not by a long shot. I probably took a lot of her goodness too. So I am my mother's daughter, both the good, and the bad.

Monday, February 07, 2011

...korean fest

things have settled in around here so i've got some time to watch some korean dramas.. which makes me want to go to Korea again. I just want to have a Korean drama tour.. not just the usual places (like the temple in Jewel in the Palace) but also places from my recent favorite dramas like You're Beautiful,.. or Mary Stayed out all night.. or Playful Kiss. I would document what i would want to see, take a screen shot.. then when i'm in korea, find the exact location and take the exact picture. (with me in it of course lol) I would re-make my favorite korean poses.. piggyback ride with pangs.. biking on a pink bicycle with a basket with a scenic background.. drinking at a street hawker with those green bottles..or maybe go inside one of their crazy videoke rooms.. (never mind if it's all korean songs haha) haaay sarap mangarap. the dream's quite achievable though.. cause CebuPac is now flying to Korea and sometimes they go on sale.. if we weren't leaving, makapunta sana kami. I was able to see a booking for only 12k, kaming 3 na yun (may bayad na si tsug eh).. kaya lang June eh, most likely we're still in SG. i'm saying 'still' because we've been talking a lot about us going back home to Pinas permanently. Live in our house, drive around in our car.. just to have some sort of permanency in our lives.. we've never really felt at home in SG.. what with the lack of affordable landed properties and absurd taxes on the cars.. and their school's insistence on learning a 'Mother tongue' that's not OUR Mother Tongue. it's not written in stone though.. we have to consider A LOT of things.. raymond's salary for one.. we definitely have to downgrade our lifestyle when we go back.. learn how to manage our finances better.. deal with the traffic and safety/security issues.. and our dismal high taxes for the benefit of corrupt officials.. lack of breastfeeding rooms.. (talagang issue saken ano haha).. but mostly talaga sa safety issues ako concerned.. sa sg, i'm almost never worried kay raymond and vice versa.. kahit kami lang ni tsug gumala-gala, okey lang sa kanya.. kahit late na, manonood pa ako ng movie with a friend, okey lang.. dito sa pinas, asa loob na ng bahay parents ko, nanakawan parin sila sa bahay. hay.

na-off topic naman ako. where was i? oh, korean dramas. I'm gonna watch Personal Taste next. it's starred by the guy from boys over flowers.

hmmmmm. just thinking of pangs. i'm lucky we're blessed enough that we can afford for me to stay at home and be a full time mom. i guess, i dont really want to go back to being a programmer. if i'm going back to work, it'll be for something different.. like a preschool teacher. pag dito na kami sa pinas, aaral ako ng Early Childhood. Sabi nga ng HS friend ko, domesticated na talaga ako, Kasi I told her, i can't imagine going back to an office environment.. sitting in front of a computer the whole day.. listening to a crappy boss.. having only the weekends to spend with my kids.. dreading mondays.. (i like mondays now, kasi tsug has school and i can rest for a couple of hours hahaha). I want to have my own preschool na lang.. nothing big time, just a small neighborhood preschool, at our own house.. plus i'd have the perfect excuse to buy more toys!! lol. But before that happens.. first we must decide to go home na for good.. then for me to study again.. and finally to have enough funds to start the business..

for now.. i get to do some 'on the job' training on my kids.

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

...leon's baptism

yay! as much as i love celebrations, it's a huuuge weight off my shoulders when we've finished an event successfully. sabi nga nila.. nakaraos din!

we've learned our lesson from tsug's baptism.. this time, we wanted the lunch to be held in a restaurant, so there are no more 'food fiascos'. (read:'What!? there's no more food!?) Initially, i wanted a private baptism at Christ the King, but it was suuuuch a pain to book them. it was already december and they still weren't accepting bookings for January, and the venue hall was even much later. And apparently, there was only one person skillful enough to accept bookings for the venue hall (who was always continuously on leave). Anyhoo, decided to forgo my 1k deposit and switch churches.

My dad didn't want anymore usual caterer's food stuff and it was his special request that we have it at King Bee, a chinese restaurant at Marcos Highway. I love King Bee's food! i don't really like chinese food that much, but King Bee seems to have a direct dial access to my taste buds haha. But more on the food later.

The nearest church was a small, quaint parish inside Filinvest East. (they were building a new one right beside King bee, but they still weren't offering baptisms.. la pa raw facilities. I was gonna say.. i can bring a tabo and a basin, think that's enough?) The church inside was perfect for our little group. A lot of parking space and privacy.

short driveway of the church

my boys

natutuwa pa si binog keh father

napa-ngiwi lang.. malamig siguro hehe

i looked at my cousin Kuya Tegs and said with my eyes.. 'success!' lol

aaaahh. anything that goes near binog's mouth, he wants to taste it.

binog's entourage

with the ninongs and ninangs.. gavin took that sign from one of the pews and held on to it the whole ceremony

with the kiddos.. nagmukhang payatot si binog uh haha

Binog didn't cry a single tear the entire time.. (iba iba talaga babies.. si tsugtsug nun.. never mind, haha) At the restaurant, i asked Jacque of partyboosters to just make the room a tiny bit festive. I only had 3.5k allotted for the balloons, but as usual, she did a great job. The centerpieces were removed, to give way for MORE food so i just put them there beside the cake. There were also hanging balloons at the entrance of the function hall, which was a great welcome for our guests.


binog's cake from red ribbon. i only bought this for 1k! nice.

binog's tarpaulin at the background

natulog na.. gising kasi sya buong binyag eh.

we had sooo much food. sorry wasn't able to take a picture. nobody thought of taking pictures of the food.. think everyone was too busy eating! but to give you an idea (and to make inggit to the ones who didn't attend.. *ehem ehem*, erlyn) here's the menu:

Assorted Cold Cuts Combination <-- seaweed, century egg, pork, ham, etc.
Crispy Seafood Roll <-- sarap. it was definitely different. cream/mayo (not sure.. maybe jap mayo) with shrimp and ripe mangoes, pineapple
Bamboo Pith & Mixed Seafood in Thick Soup
Braised Abalone Whelk with Black Mushroom & Lettuce <-- ang lakiiii ng mushroom
Steamed King Fish with Moichay & Beancurd in BS
Braised Liempo with Taro Hot Pot
Pan Fried Spareribs in Black Pepper Sauce
Lemon Shrimp with Sesame Seed
Yang Chow Fried Rice
Daily Sweet Dessert <-- almond jelly
Mixed Fruits Platter <--when my cousins saw this they were like "Huh!? Meron pa!? ano ba toh, last meal??"

All that for just 5.8k for 12 persons. and that's their cheapest package. definitely, 3 more people can consume that much food per table. my cousin's were like 'eto pa pinakamura uh?' kasi Sulit talaga. as in, for the first time in their lives.. nag-give up ang mga PG cousins ko. hahaha. the food just kept on coming and coming. And its not the usual bland chinese food fare.. masarap talaga magluto sa Kingbee. Tapos, nagdala pa si Tita Eva ng mini empanadas. So at the very start of the kainan, the waiters were kind enough to serve them per table. and by some psychic intuition Tita Eva gave us 60 empanadas so eksakto! nagkaroon ng instant appetizers (appetizer sa main appetizers hehe) ang mga guests namin, so everyone was eating as soon as they were seated.

So there. another event done. Next stop.. binog's birthday woohoo.