Wednesday, September 29, 2004

...lang wentang araw

System Time: 1:11 PM
arrggh i'm so sleepy. i just woke up from my 40 minute nap time..(it's only supposed to be 30 minutes but i didn't wake up..) it's also so freakingly cold *brrr*

/me listens to some dance music

ooohh babyy, music sounds better with youuuu

i forgot to add in my "miss list" the folder of DANCE music that seemingly evaporated from my harddisk.. huhuhu.. i had bomfunc mcs there, darude, disco music.. and it all just disappeared.. *sighs* but at least i found some mp3 and it contains some dance music that i listen to back when i was in college (chemical brothers, Maarja, Madison Avenue, etc)..

while i was in the shuttle, i heard the jingle of san miguel's "octoberfest" waaah.. lapit na pala.. october fest na!! bilis ng panahon.. and 1 year na pala ako naka-assign sa Prumerica.. /me kanta *parang kailan!* napag-usapan nga rin namin kahapon ni Suzette yun, isang araw lang kasi ang lamang ko sa kanya, na next week eh 1 year na kami dito.. patigasan daw kami, lol..

System Time: 1:30 PM
Ma'am M's not here (she's in Divisoria, buying some stuff for Prumerica's charity work on saturday), so's Sir Joel (have no idea where he is, probably just having a late lunch).. good news for least i could blog.. ei, last night Raymond and I ate dinner at SoulFood and they have great comes with guacamole, sour cream, salsa, corn, java rice, and other stuff i didn't recognize hehe.. i was able to fool Raymond into eating a jalapeno pepper HEHE..
"pickles yan! sige try mo" haha! katawa, sabay dinura nya hahaahahah.. love you pangsss jk laaang..

System Time: 1:39 PM
currently listening to Lenny Kravitz.. I belong to you..

I belong to you
I belong to you
And you, you
You belong to me too
You make my life complete
You make me feel so sweet


haay dapat makapuntang quiapo at mamirata ng cd.. hehe..

System Time: 3:58 PM
just met Miss Annie, Tita Cora's (my agent at sunlife) secretary.. Tita cora gave me some freebies! there's some kind of pencil holder and a shopping bag.. cool! i love free stuff! hehe! thanks, tita cora!

System Time: 5:02 PM
waah kate just emailed a price list of Maybelline and Loreal stuff that have discounts as high as 50%! i knoooow i'm in tipid mode but gaah i'm going to buy it anyway so why not buy it now when the price is lower, right? (NOD NAMAN DYAN!) hehe..
i ordered the Maybelline Express makeup (from 589 bucks to only 300!) and Loreal Ideal Balance (889 to 500)..good deal, right?

System Time: 5:22 PM
alis na ko.. it looks like its raining.. demmit.. bye all!

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

...ty pangs!

System Time: 8:29 AM
ALBUM wishlist (since i don't download anymore)
1. Ben Jelen - Give it all away
2. Prodigy (the new one)
3. Jamie Cullum - Twenty Something
4. You Got Served, OST
5. 13 Going to 30, OST
6. Twin Sisters, OST (lol!)
7. a good Praise Album (i'm serious!)

ei, i've got most types of genre there.. alternative, trance/techno, jazz, hip-hop, new wave, religious and..chinese pop! lol!

System Time: 8:49 AM
still too lazy to code..

System Time:10:12 AM
uyy nice mp3.. Take A look inside my heart.. i kinda miss senti songs.. ganda pa ng lyrics..

i'm crazy about you...craaazy bout you..

/me pigil ngiti

System Time: 2:29 PM
alang IT! asa meeting yey! pero wala parin akong magawa, hindi ako makadownload ng mp3 buwsit..pero in fairness, kakatuwa yung mga pinapakinggan ko uh..

System Time: 4:37 PM
wish ko lang makaalis ng 5 pm sa office.. hayy *wish ko laaaang*

post ko na toh..babay! ILYMP!

...lang wentang araw

System Time: 8:29 AM
ALBUM wishlist (since i don't download anymore)
1. Ben Jelen - Give it all away
2. Prodigy (the new one)
3. Jamie Cullum - Twenty Something
4. You Got Served, OST
5. 13 Going to 30, OST
6. Twin Sisters, OST (lol!)
7. a good Praise Album (i'm serious!)

ei, i've got most types of genre there.. alternative, trance/techno, jazz, hip-hop, new wave, religious and..chinese pop! lol!

System Time: 8:49 AM
still too lazy to code..

System Time:10:12 AM
uyy nice mp3.. Take A look inside my heart.. i kinda miss senti songs.. ganda pa ng lyrics..

i'm crazy about you...craaazy bout you..

/me pigil ngiti

System Time: 2:29 PM
alang IT! asa meeting yey! pero wala parin akong magawa, hindi ako makadownload ng mp3 buwsit..pero in fairness, kakatuwa yung mga pinapakinggan ko uh..

System Time: 4:37 PM
wish ko lang makaalis ng 5 pm sa office.. hayy *wish ko laaaang*

post ko na toh..babay! ILYMP!

...lang wentang araw

System Time: 8:29 AM
ALBUM wishlist (since i don't download anymore)
1. Ben Jelen - Give it all away
2. Prodigy (the new one)
3. Jamie Cullum - Twenty Something
4. You Got Served, OST
5. 13 Going to 30, OST
6. Twin Sisters, OST (lol!)
7. a good Praise Album (i'm serious!)

ei, i've got most types of genre there.. alternative, trance/techno, jazz, hip-hop, new wave, religious and..chinese pop! lol!

System Time: 8:49 AM
still too lazy to code..

System Time:10:12 AM
uyy nice mp3.. Take A look inside my heart.. i kinda miss senti songs.. ganda pa ng lyrics..

i'm crazy about you...craaazy bout you..

/me pigil ngiti

System Time: 2:29 PM
alang IT! asa meeting yey! pero wala parin akong magawa, hindi ako makadownload ng mp3 buwsit..pero in fairness, kakatuwa yung mga pinapakinggan ko uh..

System Time: 4:37 PM
wish ko lang makaalis ng 5 pm sa office.. hayy *wish ko laaaang*

post ko na toh..babay! ILYMP!

Monday, September 27, 2004

...manic monday

System Time: 9:52 AM

10 Things I miss the most:
1. my sister's free unlimited internet account
2. leaving my computer connected online so i could continue downloading mp3s
3. being seatmates with my HS classmate, crisel
4. my 11am-3pm schedule when i was in pre-com
5. sleepovers at Chie's house
6. going to caleruega with my ISM classmates
7. jamming in a studio
8. chatting 24/7
9. being debt-free (lol!)
10. my pangs. absent kasi olats!!! MYN!!!

System Time: 11:08 AM
maglulunch tuloy ako mag-isa. how sad. -_-

System Time: 11:41 AM
..meh magpapakain pala dito.. ang tagal, gutom na ko! MYNMP!

last Saturday was Roni's wedding, twas okay..had some good news! Ma'am uy, our Dept chairperson was one of the guests and she happily informed me that i can finally get my diploma and transcript of records! yeyyy! after 3 years! woohoo!

System Time: 12:43 PM
just had lunch. *busog and antok and still missing pangs* he went to our house yesterday and spent the whole saturday with him but i still miss him. =( ang daya, sabi mo kagabi, 12 hours na lang, kikita ulit tayo.. hmpft! hehe jk lang pangs.. pagaling ka /me kiss sa forehead tsaka sa -toot- lol!

nung saturday pala, pinakilala ko si raymond sa mga pinsan ko.. it's the first time i introduced someone to them..they were in Red Box in Gb3 so we went there after the wedding.. la namang comment mga pinsan ko, mashado silang nageenjoy sa videoke at hayok sa mic para magcomment, lol.. (salamat lang daw sa donut! lol)

waaah have sooo much stuff to do, here in work, plus the two websites i'm working on.. clive emailed me again (at least 5 times, i think), sending me the other files to be displayed on the site and other additional instructions (plus an error! grr).. then my deadline with Jul's site (CD Handicrafts) is on october 15..'ll be sleepless nights for me again..(at least i can pay my cc bills, lol)

System Time: 1:56 PM
nakanaman sa mp3.. i shuffled some of my mp3s with pangs'.. /me listening to Andy William's Can't Take my Eyes off you.. hehe. kakaantuk -_-

/me clicks the Next button. lol

yan, Incubus.. Make Yourself.. missyupangs *mwahh*

System Time: 2:16 PM
ei, have a new email add that i could actually check here in the office (it isn't blocked by the server).. it's email nyo ko uh! (geWi uh, not geri hehe)

System Time: 2:39 PM
/me sighs

i'm reading jen's letter to raymond.. his ex.. looks like she still doesn't know na kami na.. i'm having the most difficult time reading the email.. maybe 'cause magulo (arrgh. girls. ang gulo) and i have to keep pausing 'cause i feel sick and awful and guilty..and i just want to wring raymond's neck for letting me read this.. what the heck was he thinking? ndi ko maintindihan purpose nya..hirap basahin! i even had to remove my headset 'cause i needed to concentrate on my breathing.. pangatlong beses ko na tong mag pause..

/me hinga na malalim..continue na ko..

System Time: 2:47 PM
..fourth break.. ang haba eh.. *sighs* brb

System Time: 2:53 PM
okay tapos na. (sa wakas)

hmm..i can't exactly describe what i'm feeling right now.. one part of me is trying to understand what she is saying..

anong magbago? anong dapat ibago ni raymond? haaa? anong "your old ways?" ano yun diba? i don't know what she's talking about.. maybe it's too early to say, but so far.. he's perfect.. i love everything about him.. playboy ba? hmm. malay ko. hindi ko ramdam eh, so no comment ako dun. but then, you can really see na mahal nya parin si raymond.. and yun nga lang daw, magbago lang siya.. (that word again) arrgh ewan. baguhin ang ano? hay. but still, there's no way that you'll read that kind of email and not have doubts..that he's treating you like he has treated his past gfs.. that you're not special, just that you're his present gf, yun lang ang difference.. kasi yung mga sinulat ni jen, like mga tipong "ma-charm" lang daw siya and makes the most secure person insecure.. but you know what,.. i don't care. i'm not some highschool girl who falls in love for the first time and who hasn't realized that not all things have their happy endings..i know the risks and i'm willing to take them..i myself am not promising anything to him..i'm seriously in love with him but i'm still leaving something behind for's my cushion, my protection, and it took me YEARS to master the art of self-protection..right now, i'm just loving every minute that we spend together..i'm wishing that it'll last forever, but of course, as they say, life's one big mystery and they wouldn't call it that if we could predict what's going to happen to our future, right? i'm just going with the flow and keeping things uncomplicated..

he loves me.. and i love him.. that's that. that's not too difficult to understand, is it not?

/me wapaks pangs. tongks! pero love parin kita!

Wednesday, September 22, 2004


System Time: 9:11 AM
copied pangs' mp3s.. currently listening to I Alone by Live..

how many times have i mentioned in this blog's history that i'm currently listening to this's one of my fave songs of all time..

gaah.. i need to be productive today! everybody's working except me!

System Time: 9:19 AM
sir Tony saw the pack of cigarettes on my desk and he said
"umagang-umaga uh!"
me: "breakfast, sir eh"
sir t:"meh mentos pa! bakit, meh hinahalikan ka ba pagkatapos?"
me: *tawa muna* "hindi po, para ndi ko malasahan yung yosi"

LOL! ano ba yun!! napaisip tuloy ako hehehe.. nakita nya kaya kami? lol! arggh ewan, paranoid lang siguro talaga ako..

System Time: 2:21 PM
IT people are in a meeting.. i feel freeee yehey! lol!

/me kanta

And every time I close my eyes
I thank the lord that I’ve got you
And you’ve got me too
And every time I think of it
I pinch myself ’cause
I don’t believe it’s true
That someone like you
Loves me too

tamang tama diba? ayan, it's the first time i sang that song for someone! ILYMNKP!

System Time: 2:46 PM
ohmygod. i just received my latest credit card billing statement.. and it's harsh.. i'm not telling how much it is, but let me just say that i've created a personal record for the highest amount due in one statement ever! lol! my heart kinda stopped beating for about 5 seconds when i saw the "Amount due" box.. bwahahaha.. dapat rumaket, mah gas!.. i skimmed through the items and i can't believe i've spent so much in so little time.. (the killer was the clarins products, though.. as in MURDERED, BUTCHERED, etc, etc, lol!) *sighs* i better start leaving my cc at home. taenangyan.

System Time: 2:53 PM
can't believe i'm becoming a Rebecca! you know, Rebecca Bloomwood from Shopaholic.. hmm.. gosh, dami ko pa namang babayaran! well, there goes my savings! (as if meron! taenuuhh)

System Time: 2:55 PM
/me tago credit card statement sa pinakailalim ng bag.

kain na lang ako spageti. it's free and fattening. yey!

System Time: 3:02 PM
i texted my sister ate ging bout my billing statement:
me: you wouldn't believe my latest credit card statement...huhuhu
ate ging: im sure ul feel bettr wen u c mine

LOL! i'm suuure!

akk meh kahabol!

ate ging: But thn again i earn twice as much

waaah, okey na sana eh! now i feel depressed. /me mukmok sa tabi

i better start pay the my bills.. yey tapos na magprint yung pinapaprint ni Sir Phil! brb!

Tuesday, September 21, 2004


System Time: 5:12 PM
just read ate cha's blog.. ate chaaa 2005 uh! no backing out, bawal ang drawing! so what have you guys talked about (chekay).. is it a southeast asian tour? thailand, singapore, malaysia, hongkong? woohoo! i'm excited! super! i guess i better start saving up for it, right? how IS chekay? too bad she doesn't blog anymore, i miss her blogs soooo much.. i miss mel too :( i miss waiting for her at dunkin donuts in MRT cubao station, lol! (she's always late!) i miss seeing sistah's new hairdos, lol.. and i miss chatting with ate cha HUHUHU. everyone's just so freaking busy. (not to mention, on another continent! except for sistah! though i speak to ate cha more often than her, hehe!) anyway, paramdam naman guys.. and thanks for reading my blog.. >:D< >:D<

/me kandirit ala sistah!
/me kiss ate cha sa neck! (lol pwede parin!)
/me slapoks mel

gaaah, mel, the testimonial to dex, uh.. so kaka! lol! *mwah*

...what's wrong with being selfish?

System Time: 8:45 AM
i forgot my phone, demmit. and my jaw still hurts a lot..

System Time: 1:49 PM
sleepy.. and guilty.. that's what i'm feeling.. i feel guilty for hurting dex.. and now, jen.. and the worst part is.. raymond said that there's nothing that he doesn't like about jen.. at least dex and i HAD issues, even before raymond came in the picture.. dex and i, we're too different..he needs someone else, and I need someone else, it's bound to happen, it's just that i realized it first before he did.. but with jen and raymond.. *sighs* i just stole him right under her nose.. it just doesn't make break it off with someone when you don't find anything faulty in the relationship..hmm...and maybe i'm just trippin'..trying to reason out everything that has happened just to get rid of my guilt.. *sighs* it always sucks to be the bad guy..

and raymond.. i love him.. i don't want to feel guilty when i'm with him.. i just want to be plain happy.. but how can i be happy knowing i've ruined his perfectly good relationship with jen? haaay. buhay.

am i supposed to do something? why do i feel like i have to do something? i feel like i owe something to this world as replacement for the selfishness i've done..can't i just say to jen, "ei.. shit happens, life's a bitch..sorry for stealing your bf?" but you know what, i'm gonna do something worse.. i'll just sit this one out.. and forget about jen and dex.. and live up to my being selfish.. everybody seems to think so anyway..

p.s. i need a hug -_-

Monday, September 20, 2004

..."more work?" ala warcraft

System Time: 8:30 AM
my Mom texted me and told me to call Jul ASAP regarding their website.. arrghh.. i've been delaying that project for months and i now have to REALLY do it 'cause they need it already.. Jul said he needs it up and running on the 2nd week of July and for us to meet this Sunday for me to show the initial layout..

topak pa naman yung modem ko, ndi ako makapagonline.. *sighs*

anyway, while i was at sta.lucia last Sunday, i got a call from dex..
me: oh, mi..
dex: hello mi, meh gustong kumausap sayu..
me: ha? ahh ok
woman: hello? hello? bakit hindi ka sumama keh dexter?
me: haa.. po? ay, sino po ito?
woman: ako ang nanay ni dexter.. sana sumama ka keh dexter (or something like that, ndi ko na maalala mashado)
me: ay andito po ba kayo?
woman: ay hindi, andito kami sa Talaga, sa Argao.. akala ko kasama ka ni dexter dito.. bakit hindi ka sumama?
me: ay kasi po ang dami pong trabaho, hindi po ako makapag leave..
nanay ni dex:ay ganon ba, sayang..
(then she talked about some stuff i couldn't understand.. something about kids? lol! i really don't know.. hehe.. parang she was asking kung maraming bata sa bahay? ahh ewan)
nanay ni dex: oh sige, eto na si dexter
dex: hello
me: kailan ka dumating dyan?
dex: kanina, mga 7
me: ahh ok. alam na ba nila?
dex: ay sige, babay na..
me: but eventually they'll know, right?
dex: sige mi, babay na..

i just ended the call. haaaaaay. i think he also said that when he got there, his mother was asking, "asan si gretchen? bakit hindi mo sinama?" i haven't met them, his folks.. i didn't realize that they KNEW me..(or my name) but, i just wished dex just told them that we're not together anymore.. it'll be unexpected, i'm sure, but it's better than prolonging the lie.. then there was this question that he misunderstood.. i asked "kelan ka dumating" and he said "hindi na".. then i repeated my question and he said "ahh. kaninang 7".. so i guess he means that he's never going back to Manila again.. in a way i feel relieved.. i guess he'll just have to do what he has to do to help him move on.. and i think it's best if he's surrounded by his family... but i'm also a bit angry.. what's the point of talking to his mother? he just keeps on laying the guilt on me.. i'm to blame for everything.. his unhappiness, his unemployment,.. arrrgggh. it's not working, i don't feel guilty anymore..he knows EVERYTHING.. every single bad thing i've done but still, he chooses to hold on... so bahala siya. it's HIS life he's wasting.

System Time: 9:05 AM
had a Smallville marathon last night, think i watched episodes 8-13 from season 3.. it was only past 10 when i finished the 13th episode but i was already experiencing the early signs of a migraine from watching too much TV so i decided to stop.. anyway, my jaw si KILLING me.. it hurts soo much.. i can't even speak without aligning my jaw first (lol! basta, it's pretty complicated..).. i can't eat properly, i can't speak.. and the simple task of puffing a cigarette has become arduous to say the least.. i can feel my upper jaw grinding to my lower jaw when i open and close my mouth.. waah the painnnn lol

System Time: 9:37 AM
waaah andito si Ma'am M.. HUHHU. now i REALLY have to work. lol! siyet. sige post ko na toh.. babayy!

System Time: 10:52 AM
ano ba yannnnn bakit ba ako hindi nagtatrabaho.. am forever stuck in the saving module of my program.. my deadline to finish the WHOLE entry-level is at the end of this month and i still am only half-through with it.. i only have 9 working days left.. gaaah! i just can't seem to get in the mood.. and i can't think! waah. andito pa si Ma'am M buti nga hindi pa ako kinakamusta eh.. huhuhu.. *untog ulo sa pader*

System Time: 11:04 AM
after lunch talaga, swear! magtatrabaho na ko.. wahahaha.

ei. were you guys able to watch the amazing race when the pitstop was here in Manila? it was soo funny watching Colin run after his carabao .. he even cried out "my ox is broken!" DAAAH. tongks! his partner, Christie wasn't any help 'cause she was just at the sidelines watching Colin get frustrated by the second.. i want to kick her to get her to help Colin guide the carabao.. the other teams instinctively plowed the field together, i don't what's wrong with Colin and Christie, maybe they were really panicky 'cause they were the last team to perform that roadblock..

lunch time! brb.

System Time: 4:36 PM
waaah saya sayaaa! i was able to find mp3s of the OST of Twin Sisters and am now listening to them.. waahaha! of course, i don't understand a single word (most are mandarin, plus there's one japanese song) but i don't care! sa daming beses ko naman siyang mapakinggan, you just learn to appreciate it even without understanding it..

/me hapi hapi HEHE. maiinggit si ate chary nito bwahahah (and si heidi! LOL! missyu heids!)

System Time: 4:51 PM
hihihi. kinikilig ako kasi naririnig ko boses ni Wallace Huo LOL!.. currently listening to Somebody, one of the songs in Twin Sisters sung by Wallace.. hihihi ^_^

System Time: 4:56 PM
gusto ko ng umuwi! at manood ng Twin Sisters! lol! babay! post ko na ulit toh!


ilymp! mnk!

Saturday, September 18, 2004

...uwian na!

System Time: 1:23 PM
am here at the office! doing nothing but listening to Music and reading the transcripts of Gilmore Girls, season 4.. i sort of missed Lorelai and Rory, so i'm trying to catch up.. anyway, last night we went to Eastwood and i met Raymond's friend, Mai.. also met Roni and she gave me the invites for her Wedding.. (i am NOT giving one to Eboy, i'll give Eboy's invite to Anshe and SHE'LL be the one to give it to her!) i'm supposed to be working on my code, but as usual, am not in the mood to do it. chet! bahala na sa Lunes! gaaah. dapat talaga maka-isip na ng bagong raket! taena..

one week na kami ni pangs kahapon! *MWAH*

actually, we've been going out for about 3 weeks now, since the memorable august 27th.. so that's how long i've been delaying my workload.. lol.. bad influence, amputs.. LOL JK! i'm still super excited whenever i see him.. it's been such a long time since i felt this way, parang highschool! arrrghhh.. conscious parin, kinikilig (LOL!).. takte, kinikilig lang ako pag nakikita ko si Ken Zhu eh! LOL! whoever said that love must be comfortable should go back to studying it 'cause you definitely have to have passion in a relationship.. life's too short for it to be boring.. you can quote me on that! LOL!

System Time: 4:05 PM
ALIS NA KAMI!!! binibilangan na ako ni raymond olats!

Friday, September 17, 2004

...taga uste ka ba?

..found this on my friendster bulletin board.. have nothing to do so, sagot muna!

College:== commerce

Course:== information systems management

Ano favorite subject mo?== cobol (pero ndi na ako marunong magcobol ngayun! lol!), taxation

Ano pinakahassle na subject?== accounting...buwsit!

Sino favorite prof mo?== si prof. ngo! kasi pag nagtatanong kami, tas hindi nya alam, talagang sinasabi nya na hindi nya alam (hindi siya nagiimbento ng sagot tulad ng ibang prof) tas ireresearch nya so kinabukasan, alam na nya ang sagot! the best!

Saan-saan orgs ka kasali?== APO lng tlga ako sumali.. sa iba kasi automatic eh (like PRISMS, org ng course)

Masaya ba sa block nyo?== SOBRA! HMID tska ISM, di ako makapili kung ano ang mas masaya!

Officer ka ba?== ndi

Sino seatmate mo?== nung pre-com, madalas si Julius (alphabetical kasi eh) .. nung ISM, madalas si Anshe

Hirap ka na bang mag-aral?== sa accounting, yung iba, todo memorize lang lol

Saan ka madalas tumambay sa uste?== nung pre-com madalas kami sa tapat ng soccer field, yosi lang dun..tsaka sa Tapsi lol! nung ISM sa comlab (10 oras ka ba naman dun sa isang araw)

Napagkamalan mo bang simbahan ang Main bldg?== oo bwehehe with matching sign of the cross, LOL!

Nakagamit ka na ba ng elevator sa bldg nyo?== yep! kasi buhat ko CPU ko, so ayun, pinayagan ako ng guard!

Madalas ka ba sa coop? Ano lagi mong binibili?== yep, medyo, lapit kasi sa building namin.. kwe-kwek!

Ano mas masarap, mojos o cheesy potato?== mojos! pero matigas mojos sa coop eh hehe

Nagbabasa ka ba ng Varsitarian?== ndi mashado..

Ano fave cheer mo for uste?== GO USTEEEEE! GO USTEEEE! GO USTEEEEE! GO GO GO GO! *with matching giling*

Gusto mo bang maDL?== nag DL ako. *ehem ehem*

Ano gusto mong baguhin sa uste?== yung ngayon, kasi no smoking campus na

Bakit sa USTe ka nag-aral?== no choice! lol! pero i'm very proud to be a Thomasian!


System Time: 9:09 AM
bought a 256 mb MMC for my phone yesterday! woohoo! already transferred some of my mp3s.. currently listening to Badly Drawn Boy - Disillusion.. it's still my old mp3s for i haven't had the chance to download anything new.. but at least i've got music to wake me music always makes the time go faster, hehe..

Raymond and Mario have their workstations are now located on a separate sad.. mabuhay ang net send! lol!

was able to talk to Ate cha at YM last night.. God, i love her.. she's really understands me and my situation..labyu ate cha! *mwah*

natawa pa ako sa sinabi nya about the chemistry ek ek.. ndi ko na babanggitin, baka maging masama na naman ako!

>:D< to ate cha!

System Time: 9:23 AM
waaah MYN! demmit, talagang hinihiwalay tayo ng IT! bwahaha! siyet sila!

..currently listening to Send the Pain Below by Chevelle.. namiss ko toh,.. my old mp3s.. really happy i could listen to them anytime now..

*headbangs, lol* waah gusto ko na ng drumset talagaaaaa.. called up Chipper yesterday and asked him if he wants to play again on Radix' Christmas party..he agreed and named some songs that we could play.. Hoobastank's the Reason, Maroon 5's This Love and Where is the Love by Black Eyed Peas.. we're still debating the 3rd one, 'cause i want to play Let's Get it Started/Let's Get retarded (whatever!) instead..

hmm..anyway, i might go to Libis later after work.. just to meet somebody.. i'll probably urge my sister to go there as well so i could get a ride home..

System Time: 9:51 AM
currently listening to Demons by Guster.. waah, i missed this song. as in. sooo good to hear it again.

when i speak i cross my fingers, will you know you've been deceived, i find the need to be the demon, i demon cannot be hurt...

/me kanta instrumental, lol

System Time: 9:55 AM
waaah favorite song ko!
Sick of Myself by Matthew Sweet!

*ehem ehem*

you don't know, how you move me, deconstruct me and consume me.. i'm all used up, i'm out of luck, i am starstruck.. but there's something in your eyes that's keeping my hope alive!

/me is happy. :)

music and my pangs. what more can i ask for? (errr..pera? lol!)

ay meh ikukwento pala ako.. sweet daw ako sabi ni Raymond? LOL! sweet? me? 'cause i asked him if he was like that (sweet) to his former girlfriends.. tas he asked me the same question.. so i was like.."i'm sweet?" lol! la pa atang nagsasabi saken nun. harharhar.

MYN! tagal mag 11 para kain na tayu :(

System Time: 10:25 AM
still copying mp3s to my MMC..hanggang 58 songs lng nakopya sad.

System Time: 11:16 AM
lunch out kami!

System Time: 1:20 PM
i have SR-71's Tomorrow blasting in my headset but i still feel my eyes drooping.. siyeet am so sleepy.. -_-

System Time: 1:29 PM
ano ba yann pumipikit na lng bigla yung mga mata ko. huhuh. -_-

System Time: 1:49 PM
oh yeah, Mario knows about us. I kinda blurted it out to him while we were having lunch.. AND he WAS in tagaytay on that day too.. olats! deny deny pa kasi! i knew it was too much of a coincidence.. hinihingi na nga namin ni Raymond yung picture namin (we saw someone taking a picture of us, remember?).. ayun, umamin din kanina sa wakas! anyway, di ako mashado tiwala keh Mario pala! lol! alang loyalty samen, olats. ayaw pang sabihin yung mga pinag usapan nila nina Ate pretz and Sir Felix.. *sighs*.. bahala siya!

*headbang nalang.. currently listening to Incubus' Megalomaniac

work muna, brb.

System Time: 2:41 PM
Sir J's somewhere on a meeting, so i'm kinda free to blog all i want.. currently listening Black Eyed Peas' Let's get Retarded (RETARDED ok!)
ganda pala.. i mean, ngayon ko lang tlga siya napakinggan.. medyo mahirap yung drums.. di ko maintindihan yung verse part.. pero aliw over-all! sana magawa namin hehe..

hmm. /me pigil sumayaw sa upuan. lol!

System Time: 2:51 PM
langyang Mario toh.. nag netsend saken
"kaya pala yung mga mata mo namumungay uh"
me: "anong ibig sabihin ng namumungay?"
yomars: "yung pakislap-kislap"
me: "lol!"
yomars: "your eyes are twinkling like stars"
me: "ahaha keh korneh!"
yomars: "salawahan!"

sows *sapok mario* ang sabihin mo, slow ka lang talaga! eh araw-araw ka naming kasama eh.. kung hindi mo pa kami nakita sa tagaytay, i'm sure, you would still have no idea what was going on, hehe!

System Time: 2:58 PM
*senti mode*
currently listening to Edwin Mccain's I could Not Ask for More

i found all i'm waiting for.. and i could not ask for more...looking in your eyes, seeing all i need.. everything you are, is everything to me.. these are the moments i know heaven must exist.. these are the moments i know all i need is this.. i have all i'm waiting for.. and i could not ask for more..

(i need new love songs hehe.. parang umuulit lang ako sa bawat relationship na napapasukan ko, LOL!)

MNK! break time na!

System Time: 3:07 PM
oops.. after 20 minutes pa daw.. olats.. naguilty tuloy ako kasi hindi ako nagtatrabaho lol..

uy narinig ko na naman tong By Heart na kanta.. originally, kanta ko toh keh PC.. tas naging keh Dex.. lol.. tungkol kasi sa parang lovers na nagkahiwalay..

"until the stars fall from the sky, until i find the reason why, and darling as the years go by.. until there's no tears left to cry, until the angels close my eyes.. and even if we're worlds apart, i'll find my way back to you, by heart.."

pero tanong saken ni ate cha kagabi..pano na si PC? si Art?
lol! sabi ko nga..
"nawala lahat ng mga crush-crushan ko!" lol! this is so NOT me! ako pa, sandamakmak crush ko hehe.. ewan.. arggh.. basta hehehe.. nawala eh. di ko rin maexplain hehe. basta ganon eh!

onga pala.. congrats to kuyuh Art for passing the MedTech board exam.. ang galing! idol na kita! *hugs*

System Time: 3:21 PM
ang tagal! gusto ko na magyosi!
tapusin ko lang tong kanta tas magyayaya ulit ako..

System Time: 4:17 PM
am leaving in an hour.. (or rather, attempt to leave, if Ma'am M permits) .. already texted Ate Ging and she said she's going home early.. awww.. so i guess i'll just have to leave Libis early..(gaah, daig ko pa talaga si Cinderella!)

post ko na rin tong walang kwentang blog which just showcases my laziness at work. hehe. bye all! papasok ako bukas eh huhuhuh. mageencode kasi si Sir Bambam sa ginawa kong system..

System Time: 4:59 PM
bye all! MNMNMNK!

Wednesday, September 15, 2004


System Time: 10:30 PM at home, i can't really blog that much in the office for i'm already extremeeely delayed in my project deadlines.. there's nothing much to tell, just that i saw dex this morning..God, he's so thin! i guess to other people that doesn't sound good, but i really think that "thin" suits him better.. we didn't talk that much, i can't really expect that much from him... i completely understand it now, that at the moment, it's better if we don't see or talk to each other... it's like pouring salt to an open wound (or something like that,lol) ..think it even made the situation much worse, if that is even possible.. para na akong sirang plaka, i know, but i REALLY just want him to be okay..

ANYWAY, wait.. online si raymond. hehe.. maya na!

babayyyyyyyyyyyyyy MNK!

Monday, September 13, 2004


System Time: 8:15 AM
gud mawninn!!! i had a GREAAT weekend.. though i had some DOWNERS.. i hate self-righteous persons.. lamnyo yun.. know-it-all, little-miss-perfect, however you call it.. i absolutely loathe them.. ANYWAY, as anshe said, "DUH! WAG mo ng pansinin yun".. so i'm taking HER advice and am trying to forget about it.. (/me delete # nya sa phone ko, "betch!" lol)

about my great weekend, we (raymond and i) went to tagaytay last friday.. who would have thought that i could get to tagaytay just by commuting? katuwaaa sobra. i guess it helps na meh logic at sense of direction ang kasama mo LOL! we took a bus ride sa meh Edsa Central station (tama ba?) papuntang Nasugbu, Batangas.. he wanted to go to Sonya's garden but all he knew was that malapit na yun sa papuntang Nasugbu.. so anyway, when we reached tagaytay proper, bumaba na kami sa bus with the intent to 1.ask for directions look for a bank and withdraw some money..konting lakad tas yun, meh bancnet na bank.. tas tanong, tanong.. sakay kami ng jeep na Silang ata.. (arrggh ewan LOL!) basta binaba kami sa meh road na papasok na ng Sonya's.. actually, if we stayed on the bus, we would have passed by that road too.. (now we know, hehe) THEN, tricycle ride lng papasok.. (medyo malayo pa eh, buti pinigilan ako ni raymond na maglakad papunta dun, lol!) we arrived at Sonya's around 10:30 am.. ganda ng place.. garden talaga..(kaya siguro Sonya's GARDEN, diba? lol) medyo naligaw sa loob (pero okay lang, kunwari nag eexplore kami diba hehe) before we found the was well-worth the trip, the place was filled with the scent of the flowers and everything was just beautiful.. (i won't comment on the food, word of advice: eat first before you get there hehe) after eating we walked around the place a bit and stayed on a bed (yep, a bed) to just soak up the environment.. everything was so green and peaceful.. basta, ang saya! lol! we left at around 2:30 (i think) and of course, we had to wait for a tricycle to get us to the main road.. (meron naman, TG!) gusto kong pumunta sa meh Taal side so nag jeepney ride kami (at syempre LUMAMPAS pala kami mah gasss) at bumalik pa thru a tricycle ride.. (OA pa yung tricycle uh, 50 bucks daw ba ang singilin samen) pero kakatawa yung driver.. sabi ba naman..
"room po meron na kayo?"
"overnight, overnight?"
hahaha. sabi na lng ni raymond "ay, ndi po!" anyway, ayun, tumambay lng kami sa meh pancake house (medyo kasi kasikatan ng araw so it was kinda hot to stay outside) ..
meh kakatawa palang nangyari... naka-upo kasi kami sa pinakadulo, with our bench facing Hen-Lin, which was situated beside the Pancake House.. so if you go dun sa parang balcony ng HenLin, makikita mo kami dun sa baba.. so anyway, while we were seated there, meh nakita akong kumukuha ng picture namin.. tinuro ko pa keh raymond kasi kakatawa.. totally yung camera lang ang nakalabas tas nakaharap samen.. so ako, ngiti pa ako at posing hehe kasi ang weird diba, bat naman kami kukunan ng picture.. tas pagtingin ko sa phone ko, meh text ako.. it was from Mario, officemate namin sa Prumerica (contractor din ng Radix) ang sabi nya..
"Masarap b ang fud sa Pancake Haus?"
LOL! RIOT diba! takte eh ang paalam ko eh meh lalakarin ako sa LTO tas si Raymond parang nagsusuka ek ek ata.. tas si Mario absent din dhel meh LBM DAW.. ayun.. tas text din siya keh Raymond, something like..
"Okey k n b? Nakakakain knb?"
HEHE. tas mega tawag kami at text keh Mario kasi buking na diba, eh putek, total deny siya, so FINE! ayaw mong umamin edi wag.. basta, alam NAMIN tlga eh andun siya dahil sobra namang coincidence yun pag ganon.. olats tlga si Mario, ndi na lng umamin eh, kesyo nagtatanong lang tlga daw siya kung okey fud doon kasi nagiisip daw siya kung san kakain, sa Pancake House daw ba or sa Dencio's.. eh HELLOOOO meh Dencio's sa tabi ng Pancake House.. ano ba yun.. sana nagbanggit na lng siya ng ibang restau diba.. tas ayaw parin magpakita samen.. commute parin tuloy kami pauwi hehe.. pero yun, bago kami abutan ng malakas na ulan eh nakasakay na kami ng Van papuntang Pasay.. tas mineet namin sila Anshe and Ria (papasukat ng damit for Roni's wedding) sa meh Mindanao Ave.. so that was our Friday..

Saturday naman, pumunta siya sa bahay.. i told him mga 9 a.m. para makasama siya pag pumunta kaming Paenaan ni daddy.. ayun, nakarating naman so naranasan nyang maging driver ako (1 beses lng ako namatayan, lol) pero natataranta daw ako pag nagmamaneho hehe.. (kaya nga nagpapraktis eh!) ayun, pinakilala ko siya sa aming mga piggy and itik and manok, lol.. tas uwi na rin kami, nood ng Laws of Attraction (dvd lng) and basically just hanging out sa bahay namin..

anggggg saya. :)

hope you too had a great weekend. bye guys!

can't believe you're mine. MNK! =)

Thursday, September 09, 2004

...jukebox time

System Time: 8:48 AM
currently listening to Jeff Buckley's Last Goodbye.. this is SUCH a good song.. it's too bad it now actually means something to me..anyway, i borrowed Sir Jason's headset (forgot mine) and it sounds pretty good.. i could hear every drum beat.. gaaaah gusto ko na ng drum set..

now have Sulat by Moonstar 88.. eto lang siguro ang gusto kong kanta nila..

patawarin mo akooooo, mapaglaronngg isipannnn


obvious ba ayaw ko pa magwerk? hehe

System Time 9:18 AM
/me kanta could it beeee any harderrrr hehe katamaddd!!!

System Time: 9:34 AM
..currently listening Athenaeum - What i didn't know ... i miss Athenaeum.. whenever i hear any of their songs i remember my college days.. me and Eboy will be the only ones who knew their songs.. lolz.

System Time: 12:57 PM

System Time: 1:14 PM
hay. i wanna go homeeee. my stomach hurts :(

System Time: 1:53 PM
inaantuk pa ko. waah. i don't think i can even go home early 'cause i'm supposed to meet Ria and Anshe later at Ortigas (re: Roni's wedding) we still haven't decided the design for our dress (we're secondary sponsors) and Roni's getting quite pissed at us for not deciding sooner..

System Time: 2:24 PM
hehehe. tatawa ako. la lang. saken na lng yun! :þ /me pigil ngiti

asa meeting si Sir Joel and Ma'am M.. yey! sana matagalan.. ang hirap magpanggap, uh.. nahihilo na nga ako kakamove ng scrollbar sa code ko eh, lol! hay. kelan ba ulit ako makakapagtrabaho ng matino. kasiiiii, it's all YOUR fault. lolz. jk. *mwah* MYN!

takte sana 3 sumting na para break time na!

System Time: 2:39 PM
aww. dito na si Sir Joel. badtrips. sige.. panggap ulit. brb

System Time: 3:22 PM
uh-oh hinihingan na ako ng deadline.. hanggang next week pa! actually, 1 1/2 weeks pa.. dami naman tlga noh.. tas mahirap pa magcompute ng premium! after talaga nito pwede na akong maging LP harharhar.. yosi lang.. brb

System Time: 4:26 PM
alis na ko ng 5..

/me kanta *ehem ehem*

If I’m not in love with you
What is this I’m goin’ through tonight
If this heart is lyin’
Then what should I believe in
Why do I go crazy
Every time I think about you, baby
Why else do I want you like I do...
If I’m not in love with you,

And if I don’t need your touch
Why do I miss you so much tonight
If it’s just infatuation
Why is my heart achin’
To hold you forever
With a part of me, I thought I’d never
Give again to someone I could lose
If I’m not in love with you

Oh, why in fantasy
Do I feel your arms embracin’ me
Like lovers lost
In sweet desire
And why in dreams do I surrender
Like a little baby
How do you I explain this feelin’
Someone tell me

If I’m not in love with you
What is this I’m goin’ through tonight
If this heart is lyin’
Then what should I believe in

Why do I go crazy
Every time I think about you, baby
Why else do I want you like I do
If I’m not in love with you

bye all!

...happy birthday ate ging!

System Time: 10:43 AM
waaaah. MYN!!! =(

System Time: 10:44 AM
it's ate ging's birthday today.. (yep, keberdei nya si Mama Mary) i already gave her my gift last week.. it's a JET LAG BAG set i bought at Beauty Bar.. to help her when she goes to the states next month..

yesterday, i went to Rustans to check out if they have the Origins pressed powder that i want.. as expected, they still don't have it but the sales lady said it'll be available on the 3rd week of September.. so i was feeling a bit dejected so i checked out the Clarins counter.. wahaha.. i bought the Anti-Matte morning gel, the Evening gel, the toner and a pressed powder. (just don't ask how much i spent. waah. even I don't want to recall) it was instant gratification, hehe. i plan on buying a clinique perfume, not sure if i want the "Happy" or the "Heart".. my 212 (C.Herrera) is almost empty.. the MAC palettes are overly expensive, btw.. 2,500 bucks for each palette.. (grr!) anyway..i'll probably buy the Smashbox palette, it's 2700 but at least it has both eyeshadow and lipcolor..kewl din yung lalagyan..parang sliding yung sa 2nd level tas meh basement level. LOL! (syempre ako lng nakagets nun)
basta okay siya!

System Time: 1:53 PM
went to mass around lunch time.. i actually went to mass 'cause dex called me up last night and reminded me to go... he called me using my old phone.. lagi nya palang binabasa blog ko, even using my own words kagabi..

hi mi.. dibuh nagbabasa ka ng Libre? nabasa mo ba yung "Dear Joe" section? if you don't want to listen to me, yung advice na lang ni Joe dun sa letter sender ang intindihin mo.. i'm really sorry for hurting you.. PLEASE, don't wait for me...i sincerely hope you'll learn to let go and move on..tsaka please, please, take care of yourself..hindi po katapusan ng mundo dahil wala naman akong kwentang tao..please, mi.. tulungan mo rin yung sarili mo..

System Time: 2:36 PM
ate ging's gonna treat us dinner so i'm going to Eastwood later after work..yey!

System Time: 3:47 PM
i'm just waiting for 5 pm. *sighs* keh tagaaaal demmit.

System Time: 5:30 PM
gaah ngayun pa lng ako aalis. bye all!

Tuesday, September 07, 2004 whiny self

System Time: 7:13 AM
arrggh too early for words.. so i'm simply reading other people's journals, in my cellphone! woohoo LOL! i copied their entries and pasted it in a notepad as usual, but then transferred it to my phone.. very cool!

System Time: 11:05 AM
am hungryyy but i still have to wait for some stupid LP's laptop..arrghh ang tagal. alanganing oras kasi eh, lunchtime! does he expect me to skip lunch for him? gaah

System Time: 12:56 PM
*sighs* a friend's marrying again.. and i have to wear a dress AGAIN. grrr. feels like weddings are invented to torture non-dressers like me..why can't weddings be more new yorky where everyone shows up in business suits? lol! haaaay. i'm part of the entourage to make it worse.. the veil, i think.. shit. all for the love of Roni. you owe me dude, don't get married again. lol!

System Time: 1:21 PM
sooo sleyypiii. my eyes feel so heavy. /me squints..

System Time: 2:16 PM
texted Jing and Ria (from different sets of Kada, Jing=HS, Ria=ISM) to call me up.. woke me up a little then went to the CR to wake up some more.. saket pa ng puson ko chet. first day ko eh. CHET. tsaket. :(

System Time: 3:10 PM
/me is excited. gonna check out MAC palettes later with Ate Pretz..(i'm also gonna bug her to go to Essences.. i wanna see the Origins product i saw online) also will meet Anshe to look for styles for the dress. (arrrgghh!) i mean if i'm gonna wear some long dress it might as well be something that i would like..God save me from tubes, off-shoulder and backless dresses..can i wear a jacket? LOL! hay. weddings. *sighs*

System Time: 3:13 PM

System Time: 3:14 PM
salamat roni sa comment mo.. i'll keep your advice in mind =) i guess my actions are sort of hard to understand.. i still can't believe i did this to dex.. even if i end up getting hurt by what i've done, it's better than forever wondering what might have been.. i'll just be totally unfair to dex and i think i've hurt him enough.. already, i'm feeling the effects of breaking up with him.. little things like i now have to get used to going home alone..eating dinner by myself at our house..watching so-so movies with him but still enjoying it because of his company..all the stuff we used to do when we were together..but i HAVE to let him go.. 'cause i'm having feelings on somebody else (/me hintay ng kidlat ng tumama i believe in karma? lol) and i've got to know what THIS is. if this is gonna be real. i just have to take this chance. and i'm sorry that the only way i can do this is to hurt the person that i care most about.

i'm gonna post this blog now, while Sir J's not on his desk.. bye guys, thanks for everything.

This is our last goodbye
I hate to feel the love between us die
But it's over
Just hear this and then I'll go :
you gave me more to live for,
more than you'll ever know.

This is our last embrace,
must I dream and always see your face
Why can't we overcome this wall
Baby, maybe it is just because I didn't know you at all.

Kiss me, please,
Kiss me
But kiss me out of desire, babe, and not consolation
You know,
it makes me so angry 'cause I know that in time
I'll only make you cry, this is our last goodbye.

Did you say "no, this can't happen to me,"
and did you rush to the phone to call?
Was there a voice unkind in the back of your mind saying,
"maybe... you didn't know him at all."

Well, the bells out in the church tower chime
Burning clues into this heart of mine
Thinking so hard on her soft eyes and the memory
Of her sighs that, "it's over... it's over..."

Monday, September 06, 2004

...lovely day!

System Time: 8:20 AM
gud mawninnn!!

hmmm. can't stop smiling. *pigil ngiti* isn't it JUST a loooovely Monday morning.. bwehehe. /me checks for fever..naahh, i'm okay.. sleepy, yes.. lazy, yes.. happy, yes!.. guilty? hmm.. that's the weird part. i don't feel guilty anymore.. though i did tell Kate to call me later this morning.. gonna ask how Dex was.. they met him last Saturday.. (yep, without me) anyway, don't want to think about THAT.. hmm.. have to think of WORK.. i'm so behind, like a full week behind schedule.. gaah! but i'm still soo sleepy -_- and i can't think of anything else but HIM! LOL! siyyeeet. they broke up. so.. he's free! *pigil ngiti* arrggh. i can't. so what if i'm grinning like an idiot. the only one that can see me is my monitor. (and probably Ms. Soraya, through her peripheral vision, lol)

okeeeyyy pwede bang kumanta? syempre ala kayong magagawa kasi kakanta parin ako! :þ

When I wake up in the morning, love
And the sunlight hurts my eyes
And something without warning, love
Bears heavy on my mind

Then I look at you
And the world's alright with me
Just one look at you
And I know it's gonna be
A lovely day
... lovely day, lovely day, lovely day ...

/me grins. harharhar.

System Time: 9:01 AM
/me kanta a lovely dayyyyyyyyy, lovely day, lovely day, lovely day, loooovelyy day!

System Time: 9:09 AM
just talked to Kate.. Dex's okay naman daw.. i'm glad. :)

System Time: 4:10 PM
wala si Ma'am M! ndi ba sinabi ko lovely day today? harharhar bukas din wala, asa cebu! yey! post ko na toh,, babay!!!!

Friday, September 03, 2004

...friday na!

System Time: 4:11 PM

10 Things to be Happy About:
1. i got my new phone
2. it's Friday today
3. i got half of my payment for the website
4. downloaded some cool stuff for my phone, (got clocks by coldplay as my ringtone.. have pacman LOL AND a cute home skin)
5. got to be more productive at work (instead of just staring at my monitor)
6. was able to talk to Art after a looong time
7. ate cha's advice
8. i'll be able to pay my credit card bill
9. did i mention that it's a friday? (lol)
10. HIM :) m.y.n

have a good weekend!

Thursday, September 02, 2004

...this is gonna hurt

System Time: 8:49 AM
i hate him.

i don't want to hate him but i do. how could anyone be that pathetic? doesn't he have any pride? ano ba, masokista ba siya? talaga bang gusto nyang masaktan ang sarili nya? lalo akong nagiging masama sa pinaggagawa nya uh. ndi ba instinct sa isang human being ang protektahan ang sarili nya? nawala na ba yun sa kanya? hindi ba siya naaawa sa sarili nya? it's not love.. it's obsessiveness.. he's obssessed with the idea that he's gonna be lonely for the rest of his life 'cause i left him. he has convinced himself that he will never be happy. he brings hell to himself. please, as i told you, the moment you have realized that you're okay is the time when i'll truly be happy. i feel evil just being near you for making you into this kind of person. there's no good word for it. parang ayaw mo talagang maging okay eh. parang gusto mo na lang maging malungkot habang buhay para maging malungkot din ako. alam ko mahirap. nung unang nangyari saken yun, iyak ako ng iyak pero hinihiling ko na dumating na yung araw na magiging okay na ako. at dumating nga yun. panahon lang kasi yan. ndi ko naman sinasabi na maging masaya ka na ngayon din.. gusto ko lang na maging open ka sa idea na eventually, it'll get better. hindi lahat ng tao eh sasaktan ka tulad ng ginawa ko. hindi lahat eh kasing sama ko. mas gusto ko pa na isumpa mo ko kesa sisihin mo sarili mo. magalit ka saken please. ang sama, sama ng ginawa ko sayo. pinagpalit kita. kahit na mahal mo ko, hindi ako naging kuntento. hindi ba dapat magalit ka saken nun? please, wag mo na akong abangan araw-araw pag umaga. at dyosko, ndi ka naman nagyoyosi. wag mo na akong dalan ng bulaklak, pagkain, etc, wala kang mapapala. kaya kong tumalikod sayo na hindi na lilingon pa.

i know that i'm cruel and these are HARSH things to say.. but if i show you just one ounce of kindness you misinterpret it. it gives you hope, hope that you and i will be together again. i don't want to give you hope.. 'cause i really don't know anything anymore.. i want you to give up on me and move on.. i want you to find your own happiness..i want you to move on and learn to let go.. 'cause you will, dex.. i have broken so many of my promises to you but this is one thing that i'm sure of.. you will move on. you will get over me. it'll take months, even years, perhaps, but you WILL get there.....

but you have to do something. you have to make an effort to be okay. you have to do everything that you can to be able to walk away..cry it all out if you want, go out with your friends, make a list of 1001 things you hate about me.. it'll make you bitter, numb, hard for awhile.. but eventually, a time will come when you will open your heart once again.. good things happen to good people, and you are definitely top on the list..

so this is my last letter to you..i didn't plan any of this to happen, and i'm truly sorry for hurting you.. but it's time, time for me to let you go 'cause you deserve someone a whole LOT better than me.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004 my momi

System Time: 8:34 AM
wow, "ber" month na! tapos maulan parin hehe.. so weird, must be the global warming that brings these typhoons in the country..

on my way home last night, i saw dex at the shuttle area.. with a bouquet of flowers.. yellow and white mums, roses,.. it was beautiful.. but my first reaction when i saw it was.. "uh-oh" don't get angry at me yet, i said it was my INITIAL reaction.. his plan was to arrive at my house before me.. it's just the world conspiring again that we met at the shuttle line.. he's so sweet.. he also brought fruits (longan and rambutan, my fave) but they're supposed to be for my folks.. i wanted to hug him and kick him at the same time for making the situation more difficult.. he said that he was gonna win me over again and he was going to court me again.. i still love him.. but i also want to be free..for the first time in my life i want to be alone.. i just need to sort everything in my life.. i need a makeover.. not physically (though i still need that, hehe) but within.. i need to find myself again, to see what makes me really happy.. i want to be known by my friends as GERI again, not GERI and DEX.. anyway, it was easier this time around.. i didn't see a single tear drop on his face.. i felt his sadness.. and i'm sure he felt mine.. when we were at the house, i was having second thoughts again.. he knew where everything was and he got his own plate, opened the fan and got his food.. he made small talk to my folks and gave them their pasalubong.. (my mom ate it as soon as he handed it over lol) here is the person who i'm most comfortable with.. i can be a slob while eating, with one leg propped on the chair and not care or be conscious what i look like..on his way out, after saying goodbye to my folks.. he almost broke down and cried again but he was able to hold back the tears and be strong for us.. i wanted to take back everything i've said but i knew, this time, that i meant it..

this morning i saw him waiting for him at the yosihan.. he brought me rambutan again and talked.. i look at him and realize that he changed so much since he went here to manila to be with me..

so this is for my momi..

i have never before in my life have loved someone as much as i have loved you.. and i'm not even sure if i still could.. but i'm ready to take the risk and i'm grateful that you were able to let go because you were thinking of my happiness.. you will always be my bestfriend and i truly, sincerely wish you'll treat me as yours.. i will never forget every single moment we have spent together, for the last 3 years and 6 months.. i will never forget the feeling of being loved by you..

i'm sorry for everything. and thank you.