Wednesday, September 01, 2004 my momi

System Time: 8:34 AM
wow, "ber" month na! tapos maulan parin hehe.. so weird, must be the global warming that brings these typhoons in the country..

on my way home last night, i saw dex at the shuttle area.. with a bouquet of flowers.. yellow and white mums, roses,.. it was beautiful.. but my first reaction when i saw it was.. "uh-oh" don't get angry at me yet, i said it was my INITIAL reaction.. his plan was to arrive at my house before me.. it's just the world conspiring again that we met at the shuttle line.. he's so sweet.. he also brought fruits (longan and rambutan, my fave) but they're supposed to be for my folks.. i wanted to hug him and kick him at the same time for making the situation more difficult.. he said that he was gonna win me over again and he was going to court me again.. i still love him.. but i also want to be free..for the first time in my life i want to be alone.. i just need to sort everything in my life.. i need a makeover.. not physically (though i still need that, hehe) but within.. i need to find myself again, to see what makes me really happy.. i want to be known by my friends as GERI again, not GERI and DEX.. anyway, it was easier this time around.. i didn't see a single tear drop on his face.. i felt his sadness.. and i'm sure he felt mine.. when we were at the house, i was having second thoughts again.. he knew where everything was and he got his own plate, opened the fan and got his food.. he made small talk to my folks and gave them their pasalubong.. (my mom ate it as soon as he handed it over lol) here is the person who i'm most comfortable with.. i can be a slob while eating, with one leg propped on the chair and not care or be conscious what i look like..on his way out, after saying goodbye to my folks.. he almost broke down and cried again but he was able to hold back the tears and be strong for us.. i wanted to take back everything i've said but i knew, this time, that i meant it..

this morning i saw him waiting for him at the yosihan.. he brought me rambutan again and talked.. i look at him and realize that he changed so much since he went here to manila to be with me..

so this is for my momi..

i have never before in my life have loved someone as much as i have loved you.. and i'm not even sure if i still could.. but i'm ready to take the risk and i'm grateful that you were able to let go because you were thinking of my happiness.. you will always be my bestfriend and i truly, sincerely wish you'll treat me as yours.. i will never forget every single moment we have spent together, for the last 3 years and 6 months.. i will never forget the feeling of being loved by you..

i'm sorry for everything. and thank you.

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