System Time: 8:49 AM
i hate him.
i don't want to hate him but i do. how could anyone be that pathetic? doesn't he have any pride? ano ba, masokista ba siya? talaga bang gusto nyang masaktan ang sarili nya? lalo akong nagiging masama sa pinaggagawa nya uh. ndi ba instinct sa isang human being ang protektahan ang sarili nya? nawala na ba yun sa kanya? hindi ba siya naaawa sa sarili nya? it's not love.. it's obsessiveness.. he's obssessed with the idea that he's gonna be lonely for the rest of his life 'cause i left him. he has convinced himself that he will never be happy. he brings hell to himself. please, as i told you, the moment you have realized that you're okay is the time when i'll truly be happy. i feel evil just being near you for making you into this kind of person. there's no good word for it. parang ayaw mo talagang maging okay eh. parang gusto mo na lang maging malungkot habang buhay para maging malungkot din ako. alam ko mahirap. nung unang nangyari saken yun, iyak ako ng iyak pero hinihiling ko na dumating na yung araw na magiging okay na ako. at dumating nga yun. panahon lang kasi yan. ndi ko naman sinasabi na maging masaya ka na ngayon din.. gusto ko lang na maging open ka sa idea na eventually, it'll get better. hindi lahat ng tao eh sasaktan ka tulad ng ginawa ko. hindi lahat eh kasing sama ko. mas gusto ko pa na isumpa mo ko kesa sisihin mo sarili mo. magalit ka saken please. ang sama, sama ng ginawa ko sayo. pinagpalit kita. kahit na mahal mo ko, hindi ako naging kuntento. hindi ba dapat magalit ka saken nun? please, wag mo na akong abangan araw-araw pag umaga. at dyosko, ndi ka naman nagyoyosi. wag mo na akong dalan ng bulaklak, pagkain, etc, wala kang mapapala. kaya kong tumalikod sayo na hindi na lilingon pa.
i know that i'm cruel and these are HARSH things to say.. but if i show you just one ounce of kindness you misinterpret it. it gives you hope, hope that you and i will be together again. i don't want to give you hope.. 'cause i really don't know anything anymore.. i want you to give up on me and move on.. i want you to find your own happiness..i want you to move on and learn to let go.. 'cause you will, dex.. i have broken so many of my promises to you but this is one thing that i'm sure of.. you will move on. you will get over me. it'll take months, even years, perhaps, but you WILL get there.....
but you have to do something. you have to make an effort to be okay. you have to do everything that you can to be able to walk away..cry it all out if you want, go out with your friends, make a list of 1001 things you hate about me.. it'll make you bitter, numb, hard for awhile.. but eventually, a time will come when you will open your heart once again.. good things happen to good people, and you are definitely top on the list..
so this is my last letter to you..i didn't plan any of this to happen, and i'm truly sorry for hurting you.. but it's time, time for me to let you go 'cause you deserve someone a whole LOT better than me.
About Me
- geWi
- i'm addicted to blogging, and reading other people's blogs.. i'm a super couch potato, absolutely loooove Dr. House, Capi from GREEK, Dan Humphrey and Johnny Pacar.. i'm a reader.. chick-lit, paulo coelho, dan brown, you name it, i probably got it.. i'm the luckiest girl in the world to have found a husband who is so endearing, so loving, so faithful and so masipag..i constantly want my hair short..and i can't KEEP hobbies, i can't give full effort to anything, other than TV...i'm very ningas cogon, i would get excited over something whether it's cooking/baking or a business idea/travel plans to the extent that i would exert energy on it every minute, every hour over the entire week then forget about it on the next..my music preferences change so much..currently i like Franz Ferdinand, the Killers, Coldplay, Muse, Death Cab for Cutie, Switchfoot..wish Gavin deGraw gets a new album..i used to be a big fan.. i easily lose interest to a particular band/singer 'cause when i absolutely love something, my winamp list just repeats the song/s over and over and over and OVER again until i get so sick of it.
2 comments:
hello geri! just got to read your 'journal.' i'm sorry about what happened to you and dex. honestly, nagulat ako nung nalaman ko na the break-up thing is really for real... nweis, comment ko lang is baka you need some time alone, away from dex, pero not with somebody else din... maybe you should make up your mind first. isipin mo kung anong gusto mo, gusto mo ba talaga ng isang 'ideal man' or someone na alam mong will be there for you kahit anong mangyari. i'm not against with your breaking up with dex, decision mo nman yun in the first place... gusto ko lng pag-isipan mo kung anong meron ka before na mawawala (if there is really something) and kung anong magkakaron ka ngayon based sa naging decision mo. tama ka, panahon lang yan. and only time will tell you kung nawalan ka nga or you gain something better. about kay dex naman, you've been hurt na rin naman before and alam mo kung gaano kahirap magmove on. wag mong madaliin si dex, give him time to adjust sa bagong situation nya ngayon without you. tama yung hindi mo sya pagtaguan, pero you don't have to tell him every time na magkikita kayo na wala na kayo. alam nya na yun. mas mahihirapan syang magheal kung paulit-ulit lang nyang maririnig na ayaw mo na sa kanya. agree ako sayo na mas maganda na sabihin mo na ngayon kung ano talaga yung nafefeel mo sa kanya kesa patagalin mo pa. pero sana nga lang yun talaga yung decision mo, without the influence of or just because of the presence of somebody else. minsan mas masarap yung feeling ng bagay na pinaghihirapan mo kesa yung nakukuha mo na lang instantly. basta, pag-isipan mo mabuti lahat ng decisions mo....
ur comments sting,but uv capture brokenhearted in its entirity.i needed to read this.need to go by it.thanks.
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