Tuesday, September 21, 2004

...what's wrong with being selfish?

System Time: 8:45 AM
i forgot my phone, demmit. and my jaw still hurts a lot..

System Time: 1:49 PM
sleepy.. and guilty.. that's what i'm feeling.. i feel guilty for hurting dex.. and now, jen.. and the worst part is.. raymond said that there's nothing that he doesn't like about jen.. at least dex and i HAD issues, even before raymond came in the picture.. dex and i, we're too different..he needs someone else, and I need someone else, it's bound to happen, it's just that i realized it first before he did.. but with jen and raymond.. *sighs* i just stole him right under her nose.. it just doesn't make sense...to break it off with someone when you don't find anything faulty in the relationship..hmm...and maybe i'm just trippin'..trying to reason out everything that has happened just to get rid of my guilt.. *sighs* it always sucks to be the bad guy..

and raymond.. i love him.. i don't want to feel guilty when i'm with him.. i just want to be plain happy.. but how can i be happy knowing i've ruined his perfectly good relationship with jen? haaay. buhay.

am i supposed to do something? why do i feel like i have to do something? i feel like i owe something to this world as replacement for the selfishness i've done..can't i just say to jen, "ei.. shit happens, life's a bitch..sorry for stealing your bf?" but you know what, i'm gonna do something worse.. i'll just sit this one out.. and forget about jen and dex.. and live up to my being selfish.. everybody seems to think so anyway..

p.s. i need a hug -_-

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