Wednesday, August 04, 2004

...the day

There's no easy way to break somebody's heart.

God, i hate James Ingram.

I did it. I finally told Dex i needed some space. It was horrible. He kept on telling me, "kung kasalanan man ang magmahal ng sobra, yun lang ang kasalanan ko".. and i told him, "lahat ng sobra masama diba" and he was crying and i was crying. but i kept on holding my tears 'cause he was crying enough for the both of us. it was horrible. i wanted to tell him "joke, joke, joke! gotcha didn't it?" every single minute that i just stared right ahead just so i could keep my mouth shut.

i couldn't begin to explain why i did it..i know people just wouldn't understand..i mean, who would want to break up with their boyfriend who simply adores and loves them with every single breath of his body? that's what every girl wants, right?

apprently, there's one girl who doesn't. and that's me.

i wrote him this letter..i'm not copying here to defend myself. i just want to be able to read it, so i wouldn't forget and i would always remember the real reason behind it. (just keep knives, blades, sleeping pills away from me)

hi mi

i know it's hard to understand.. i know that it's gonna be extremely difficult..but i think, we need space from each other.. it's all about finding your own happiness..i want you to be happy, but not necessarily happy because of me..i feel like you're always leaning on me.. for support, for your happiness..i want you to be stronger..i want you to have your own dreams..own goals in life..i don't want to be the sole reason for every action you do..and i think the only way you could truly achieve that is if we stop seeing each other, for now.. i want you to find yourself first..and when you do, if we're still for each other, we'll have our happy ending..but if in the process, you realize that you had the short end of our relationship (or that i'm a total bitch) or you'll find someone better and much, much nicer than me,..then i guess you'll have to thank me for setting you free..i'll always be here for you, i'll always, always, always, alwayyyyss be your friend..and always know that I truly, truly love you.. it's just that i want you to love yourself too.

God, what have i done. He kept on asking me what he has done wrong..i didn't tell him anything 'cause the only reason i could think of was he simply loved me too much.

i need a friend. *hugs sarili*

1 comment:

aMgiNe said...

ey gewi im always here... may be u guys just need time away from each other. hope he's gonna be okay. take care...