...errr

when i was in highschoool, i remember telling some of my friends what my ideal man is.. i told them,

first of all, he must be smarter than me.. and taller.. and confident, but not mayabang.. there's a big difference between confident and mayabang, so i'd appreciate the former.. then i also said that i want someone who smells good all the time..

of course, that was when i was just a kid and didn't know any better.. later on i realized that my expectations where too high and there is no such thing as an ideal man so as i had relationships, my list shortened and sometimes, if my new "prospect" just gets one in my list, i'd say, "what the hell, nobody's perfect anyways" and go on with the relationship..

there was rudolph, my college, my first boyfriend and only ex-bestfriend.. he was confident, definitely taller (6 footer pa!), but forgive me for saying this, but i'm waaay smarter than he is, lol.. (i mean, my only basis is the ISM qualifications 'cause he didn't pass that test)

then there was Ton-ton.. uber cute (he looks like Kenneth Duremdes, the pba player), but he was younger than me and when i was studying college, he was still in highschool, so we kinda have different interests and priorities.. we're still friends though, i see him sometimes in our village..

then CJ.. hmm. okay. he was a mistake. LOL! i don't know what i was thinking. he didn't even have ONE item on my list.. (he had the mayabang part though lol.. as i said, i didn't know what i was thinking!)

and of course, my present bf, my momi.. *sighs* .. his confidence needs improvement.. sometimes it pisses the hell out of me when i have to push him towards some security guard just to ask for directions or when we're in a restaurant, I end up giving our order 'cause he was too shy to talk to the waiter... i could go on, and on, but we've talked about it now and he's really trying his best to clear some of the issues i've told him.. AND he loves me to death.. and i love him too..and we've been together for more than 3 years and even planning our future together..

THEN... shit happens. no, not with your present bf, (everything's perfect there) your unrealistic expectations for an ideal man turns out to be realistic after all. you see him, and he's aweeesome. super smart. creative. funny. cute. tall. confident. humble. SHIIIIT!
arrrgh. so i try with all my might to empty your mind of thoughts of him. then suddenly you find yourself smiling alone just thinking of the look he gave you. i can't even describe the look here. basta, arrgh. i could picture it in my head perfectly. *sighs*

then i see my momi.. and i don't have the heart to let go. i could hurt him soooo much, and that power just makes me feel like an evil person.. 'cause i do love him. and he loves me. and that's that. we've planned our future together, and i'm sticking to the plan.

and him? arrrgh. he becomes a post in my blog. one for the archives. at least i see him everyday... and that's all i could do,... to look.