i have another test on wednesday... it was supposed to be today but i asked it to be resked.. it's from the company where i only got an 83 and the passing grade was 85... (wird)...

i also texted my former superior that i won't be able to go today... simply because i'm not yet ready with the program because i haven't OPENED it yet to debug it.. damn pending items.. i can't receive my last payroll until i'm cleared..

i feel so lost.. talk about no sense of direction... the bright side is at least i'm already a college graduate... on the other hand... i just don't feel like working anymore... getting up early... trying to please people whom i don't like...implementing a system that sucks...
i only go to these tests/exams because my dad has been bothering me about my decision to quit...at least he'll think that i'm exerting some effort to find a new job and won't bother me that much...

/me slaps herself

so i said that i wouldn't talk about him anymore... i lied.. sue me

i've been thinking (maybe that's the problem... i've been thinking TOO much.. nywayz)about him... and i've come to realize that he's right... it probably wouldn't have worked out... he saved me from further pain...

i don't regret telling him how i felt.. i regretted knowing how HE felt and how he was willing to forget about that feeling... i regretted that after knowing how he felt, i expected something from him which is the WORST thing that one could possibly do.. expect something from someone who wasn't willing to give anything...

"i don't take chances" .. he said.. what a boring life you live..

nothing's for sure in this world... he should know that... it's all about taking risks... i still sincerely wish he would be able to find his 'sure thing'... as for myself...for now, i only wish to learn from this and be able to move on...and hopefully soon enough..i would wish for someone who would be willing to risk 'uncertainty' for me.

my sister told me i was attracted to 'doomed relationships'... she said i'm into that kind because i don't have to work hard for it because at the back of my mind.. i know that it won't work out anywayz... well.. maybe she's right.. maybe not.. i think the reason why i stopped having relationships with 'tangible' people because i'm a person who expects too much from a relationship... and when those expectations are not met... i just don't want to continue it any longer... the longest relationship i've ever had lasted more than a year... that was with my last bf... my sister said 'well.. that was because you hardly talked to each other'.. which was true... i had less expectations from him... making me less demanding/possessive... resulting to less arguments... longer relationship...
where is it now.. u ask... well.. to make a long story short.. he vanished.
it seems that i'm not doing anything right...

later.