/me sings... i could tell from the minute i woke up ..it's gonna be a lonely lonely lonely dayyyyyyy by Phantom Planet

la lng.. di naman ganon ka lonely hehe.. i'm just singing out loud... (new mp3 kasi e hehe)

so glad that i was able to finish the calculator module... tomorrow's gonna be about dataware...

...still haven't heard from momi... i wonder if he had already read my e-mail...

/me speechless

later

waaaaahhhhhhhh i just read my old guestbook ... momiiii!!!! @_@ andito ka buh tlga?? /me tulala paren! as in!

nage-mail ako sayo (sa hotmail mo... activated na buh yun).. anywayz.. don't know how i could reach you... i guess i'll just hope na you'll be able to read my blog... don't forget to check your mail, okay?

later ^_^ /me sleep na ako.. promise i'll try to quit smoking!

i'm so priking tired.

i was late at work today.. waaaH.. stupid shuttle service... my timecard said "8:29 am".. was late for 29 minutes grrr.. hope i don't get late tomorrow...

i received my first payslip today. wooHoo.. it was just a week's worth but still... it feels good to be a taxpayer once again.. hehe... haven't told my dad that i received my salary so that he'll still give me my baon (for 2 days LOL.... sayang din yun!)

i was able to finish most of the assigned module (at work)... it still has a few bugs, though.. i'll try to debug it tomorrow... if we're still given the chance to do so, that is... ms.chuck said we'll be given a new exercise tomorrow.. the classic calculator.. except of course, classes would still be used... (and we'll have to create events for it, *i think*)
anywayz.. i'm just blabbing here...

/me sings... screaming infidelitiesssssssssss

later

Run time error '380':
Invalid property value

this bug has been incessantly popping in my source code that it even appears in my dreams... (lol) arrrrgggghhh work day again tomorrow... why do i have this feeling that it's gonna be a longggggg week...

/me reads blog last nite...(madaling araw na pala nun)

hay drama ko...just when i was about to sleep (after writing my blog)... i remembered the 80s song... it goes like this... "and i can't fight this feeling anymore... i've forgotten why i started fighting for...." that's what i have been doing this past month... fighting it... but yesterday it all just came to me in a rush... actually.. it was more of like a landslide... it destroyed my riprap... the wall i've been carefully putting up around myself... all i can do now is survey the damage it has done and face reality...

@_@

i guess it was inevitable... i mean how could i not fall in love with him... he's like part of my everyday routine... a habit that i can't stop doing... already.. i am missing him...

can i handle this feeling?... knowing that the feeling's not mutual?... that at most.. i'm just his close friend?... haaaaaY

i still can't believe this is happening.

he called again today... it took all my willpower to sound normal and act as if everything's just fine and dandy (ooh how i hate this word..) .. demit i'm having hiccups..

fuck.

***go_away quits

*** go_away is now known as ishtupeed

tsk. i am such a hypocrite! demmit. i keep on telling myself that its okay that he just thinks of me as his friend... who was i kidding... i mean...i shouldn't care who he calls right... we're just friends... i have no hold on him... he's not mine... and it sucks. it sucks because it hurts when it shouldn't... i shouldn't be hurting like this... demmmmmmittt! i'm such a fucking loser. i might as well have a big L printed on my forehead. OF COURSE i'm not the only one he calls or talks to... DUHH.. i'm so stupid...
fuuuuuuuuck.

as usual i'm just deluding myself that i'm someone special to him. (loser, loser, loser)

i'm so sick of this. i'm so sick of myself for not LEARNING. for allowing myself to get affected. it feels like i have a fucking incurable disease. it's just in my system. it's intrinsic.. it's second-nature.

/me cries.

the last time i cried was when i cried over my lost blog. i'm such a cry baby. (LOOOOOOSERRRRRRR)

*sniffs*

i don't know what to do... now that i've realized i've fallen in love again to the wrong person. shit.

/me sleypi already... and it's only 10 pm...

haaaaaaaY... i feel so tired.. we're discussing "classes" now at VB... its kinda hard... (think like java)... i still don't get some part of it.. that's why i've been having a hard time creating the machine problem that was given to us... you know how we sometimes think that a problem doesn't have a solution? well.. that's what i'm feeling with my program... grrrr but of course... for every problem ...there is a solution... i just don't see it.. maybe after i rest for a while.. it'll all become clear to me...

uy kausap ko si kuyuh sa fone hehe...

higa na ako bye bye

don't think i'll be able to blog everyday...mainly because i feel so tired when i get home...

we started programming (just a small application) today... ADO stuff... my batchmates and i were so engrossed on what we were doing that we didn't realize that it was already 7 pm (lol)... so i got home later than usual...

still haven't eaten ... (am quite hungry, actually...) but i wanted to blog first before i get sleepy or lazy...

we have 2 15-minute breaks... one in the morning and one in the afternoon... it's usually our Yosi-break (because you can't really do much for 15 minutes right?)... i don't know if it's a good thing but all of us (my batchmates/officemates) are smokers except for froi... good thing because hindi na mahirap/kahiya magyayang magyosi (hehe)...
i also enjoy those breaks because it gives us a chance to get to know each other better (haha baduy)... but its true... i mean.. these guys will be my officemates for the next 2 years so it's really important for us to get along harmoniously lol..

my dad said that someone called and told him that i have a job offer from them... (sayang kaya?).. hmm.. i don't regret working for Radix (well.. at least not yet hehe) ... i guess i won't think about that phone call too much or i might get drowned in the "what if" scenarios...everything's turning out the way i expected it to be so i guess that's the most important thing...

/me stomach rumbles

gotta eat byers

/me yawns

/me hapi-tired ^_^

i got home at around 8 pm... and of course.. first thing i did was to open my PC... we started programming a little at work.. just some simple logic formulation.. (ang walang kamatayang numbers to words program)... was okay.. though i wasn't able to finish mine (she gave us only an hour...and we were just writing it on paper) but at least i was able to explain the logic of my program hehe... tomorrow we're gonna be starting with VB advance training...(which includes classes, methods,etc) so i decided to do some "advance" reading... (remembered that my vb installer included some e-books) just so i could keep up with tomorrow's lesson...

i'm so sleypi but i'll try reading a few chapters first...


nite all ^_^

Today was my first day of work (2nd job)...

we were supposed to be 5 in our batch but the other one i think backed out... so my new officemates/batchmates (for the next 2 years) are just cogie, chipper and froi...cogie and chipper are schoolmates... so naturally they're already close friends... but it was okay because they're both friendly not to mention loud (hehe) which made our lecture more enjoyable... froi i think is the smart one (though.. i couldn't really tell yet cause we haven't started programming.. but i think he's the one who has the most VB hands-on experience among the 4 of us)

we started at around 8:30 am... first we were briefed with their company policies/regulations etc.. then the signing of our contract (2 years uh-oh lolz).. then we started our training with VB fundamentals... our lecturer (ate) chuck was .... cool! no other word can best describe her... hehe... she really is cool!.. i learned a lot actually... (recalling some VB stuff that i already forgot, etc) and that was just our first day!.. i'm actually getting excited because i don't think i'll regret working for Radix... they were so organized ... i believe everything (from our day 1 at work to i think the next 6 months) are already planned... they even provided us notebooks and pens (LOL YeY! free stuff haha) so that we could note down stuff from ate chuck's lecture... before we knew it the day was over!... time really flies when your having fun ^_^ (learning IS fun!!)

i remembered my first day at Infostructure.. Irvie (my classmate and x-officemate) and I were so bored... we were so happy when we were given something to do (lol).. hell i think for 3 months we practically did nothing lolz ... (but i did install mirc there, yahoo msgr, surfed the net etc.. ) it was just after 3 months ( i think) that we were deployed to clients... well of course, there were "trainings" conducted but they didn't really follow the schedule (or the trainor isn't present/ on client blah²..) so most of the times we were just entertaining ourselves... urging the time to move faster ..

at radix.. i could tell (even just on my first day) that they're not gonna waste their resources on us just to sit and do nothing... we're actually gonna learn a LOT from the trainings and project implementation... and they're gonna provide us with all the necessary stuff we need in order to be the best programmer we could possibly be... *YeHeY!!!!* i'm so pleased with myself.. LOL! (i filled up 4 pages of my new notebook with VB notes hahaha)

later guys ^_^

still can't believe that my bum days are almost over...

good news: wont be a PAL (palamunin hehe) any longer
bad news: have to wake up EARLY everyday

good news: wont get bored at home
bad news: wouldn't have time to do stuff (have movie-marathons, chat 24-7, etc)

good news: wont have time to dwell on things that really SHOULDN'T be dwelled upon
bad news: wont have time to dwell on things that really SHOULD be dwelled upon

in short.. i'll go back to my routine last year...
**go to work for about 10 hours
**go home and eat dinner
**watch about 15 minutes of the Weakest Link
**will be too tired to finish the Weakest Link
**sleep at around 10:30 pm
**wake up at 6 am

good news of course will still be: payroll every 15th and 30th

hehe

hope everything turns out fine... i wouldn't want the next 2 years of my life to be the crappiest (err?) ...

later

**pahabol**

HaPPy Birthday to my ever-dearest (naks) kabarkada rEeYuH!!!
waah sori talaga.. ndi ako pinayagan huhuhu lakas daw kasi ulan hayyy demmit...
hope you enjoyed YOUR day! (bigay ko na lng gip ko sayu hehe)

/me crosses out "go to megamall for med exam" from list

YeHeY!

never thought that getting examined would be such a hassle! .. bringing stool.. putting it in ice to preserve it.. (ewww).. not to mention the heavy traffic going to megamall... but at least it's over and done with... *whew* ... was a bit apprehensive on having blood taken.. but it turned out fine.. didn't hurt that much...

/me strets strets

... will start "career" on monday... Hurrah! .. am getting bored at haus.. i'm quite finished with my HP... will create layout for gallery part so that when i have the pictures scanned i'll just insert them in their proper places hehe...

...am thinking really hard whether to e-mail PC... (tago keh ate cha waaaahh ewan ko buh bat pumasok na naman sa isip ko)...this is all hugey's fault LOL! i mean.. napawento kasi ako e.. 'bout him.. ayun naalala ko.. hayyyy .. i remembered the feeling... and the pain... *stops thinking*

hay slip na ako.

later

grrrrrrrrrrrrr kainish.. shinut-down ng dad ko pc ko eh i haven't posted my blog yet.. pero ang dami ko ng nasulat grrrr .. i hate re-doing my blogs... cause it feels kinda fake and practiced already... tsk.. i was on the phone with ate cha and mon... (YeHey long-distance si ate cha hehe) it was already past 12 midnight.. kainish (pinagalitan na naman) asa fone daw tas bukas pc kaya ayun sinarado tsk tlgaaaaaaaaaa!

grrr i hate recalling the stuff that i wrote...it's so damn hard... nyway .. i'll try my best..

i said something 'bout my friend ria's upcoming birthday... its on saturday and we were planning some sort of after-dinner-get-together (lol ria).. then we'll just go wherever we'll feel like going... but because my house is soooo poorly situated (hehe) , my parents are kinda strict and they don't allow me to still be out at an "unholy" hour... it's usually safer for me to spend the night at whoever's house and then go home the next day... well.. i hope i get permission to do exactly that on saturday... i know that i ALWAYS have to ask my folks if i can go someplace because they'll worry and everything.. i completely understand why they sometimes don't allow me to go because as my father said... "sila natutulog na ikaw bumabyahe ka pa lang pauwi" ...but sometimes it gets kinda frustrating when i'm the only one who wasn't at some party or gimik or watever.. or if i'm there but will be the first one to leave... plus it doesn't help that i'm the youngest ... *sighs*

waHaHa... /me excited sa pag-uwi ni ate cha ! gimik tayo sana payagan ako bwahaha

i decided to follow ate cha's advice.. the dont-expect!-he-considers-you-only-as-a-friend one.. mainly because i think that's what's really going on or is closest to the truth... i stopped trying to analyze everything that he says to me or give it any other meaning than the fact that he considers me his friend.. his close friend, i would like to think.... and i can live with that... the more friends , the merrier, right? i just try to appreciate our conversations and simply enjoy his company... i think that perspective works best for me (better to be safe than sorry) ^_^

tsk the week's almost over and i still haven't finished my "to dos list" ...

*YaWns* ... 1 am already... nite everyone

*YaWns*

i basically spent the entire day in front of my PC... i was making some updates for my site.. searching for free forums, etc..etc... added a forum link... alxnet is a good host (less banners..neat format) but it only supports 100 posts (tsk tsk tsk) ... i'll continue searching for a better forum tomorrow.. (/me sleepy already)

/me looks at list again...

*med exam (on friday/saturday hopefully)
*laptop (ahmm..depends on my father)
*TOR (depends on my thesis partner)
*passport (my father again)

hmmmm *half-asleep*

later guys

YeHeY!!

finally, my blog has a home.. i edited a few entries.. (sowee..) if you haven't been a "previous-blogger-reader", i suggest you start reading the archives.. cause my story gets kinda confusing if you read it backwards .. hehe .. better to start at the beginning..

i'll see you guys around

later

salamat sa lahat ng nagsign ng gb ko!

eugene ex-ipismeyt: mas mayaman paren kaw kasi meh partida kang 2 buwan! yun yung buwan na naging bum ako hahaha.. oy sama nyo ko pag nagtimezone ulit kayo yung 100 isa tas 1 oras huuuuh? tas kelan kayo matutuloy matulog samen nila irvie and bebang? miss ko na kayo! sana maging ipismeyts ulit tayo someday!

ate charollllllllllll patay ata talaga ako sa ginawa kong pagpost nitong blog... LOL!

salamat talaga ..pag nagkascanner na ako or makahiram papascan ko lahat ng pics dito pati mga pics nyo ilalagay ko bwahahaha! ... gagawin kong library tlga yan! hehe..

kuyuh moz: dark nga ano? sige gawin kong grey pag meh time ako LOL!... lammo bat dark yan? kasi.. ala akong artistic sense!.. kaya .. when in doubt... go black (eh?) basta yun lolz

*saket talaga puson* ... waaaaahhhhhh herap maging gurl *naks*

later

special holiday today... *not affected*.. everyday's a holiday to me hehe

actually, my bum-days are numbered... i think i need to brush up my so-called skills in VB... or else i might look like a complete fool when we start programming HEHE

/me waits for 7 pm.. shinchan time HEHEHEHE

later

the usual sunday...

woke up.. went to mass (we were late...was already on the "peace be with you" part).. went through some errands for my dad... got my hard disk ( so i could replace it and remove my "have my notebook repaired" item from my check list.. went to mass again (my mom insisted)... had pizza for dinner and now i'm trying to finish my HP... uhmm.. ok so i'm nowhere NEAR finishing it but at least improve it or make another working link...

i've been thinking of editing my blog... cause soon i'll add this to my site... and hmmm.. there are some pretty private thoughts here that i wouldn't really want to share... especially to the people who have been the subject in some of my blogs... but editing my blogs kinda defeats the purpose, right?... i mean... where else could i be truly honest if not to my journal?...... arrrrgg *thinks thinks*

*sighs* /me makes the W sign

later

woah.. no blog for the past 4 days? *tsk tsk tsk*

actually.. i have been busy with my "list"... i have my NBI clearance already, my referral form for the med exam... plus.. i've initially uploaded my HP! *yeHey!* my blog will soon have a home!...

remember when i told you about sykes? turns out they did offer me a job.. but it was a contractual one... salary is pretty much the same ... but i would stick to a permanent position....

radix called.. instead of 16.. i'll be starting on july 22... well.. that'll be no problem cause i need more time to finish my list, anywayz..

later

/me thinks (uh-oh)

why do i ALWAYS fall for the wrong person? i know it's not something that one could control.. but is a miniscule of reasoning too much to ask? ...nope.. i didn't think so... so why the f*ck am i letting this happen!.. i've talked about a dozen times NOT to get affected... NOT to let this happen.. NOT to fall in love again.. because in the end.. it would still be unrequited love.. or if some miracle happened and it isn't unrequited ... it wouldn't work out anywayz.. cause NOTHING lasts forever... it's all a f*king cycle... so why start the cycle right?... but it has started... and i have to end it.. before he realizes i'm so into him... before it becomes awkward.. and before he feels that he HAS to call me or talk to me just out of guilt or that because he wants to prove a point...i have to stop before this feeling gets worse... before i feel that i need him... or before i feel that i have to have him in my life to make me complete...

i just hope it isn't too late...

/me walks out

thank God it stopped raining for a while... it has been raining non-stop for the last 2-3 days... most of the streets are still flooded, classes have been suspended...plus the name of the storm is "Gloria".. pretty ironic eh?...

we went to greenhills yesterday... it was time for our movie collection to get re-stocked (hehe).. i watched most of the dvds today... jimmy neutron, what women want and scooby doo. we also bought Rollerball, Zoolander, Kate and Leopold, etc..i forgot the others...

i've been pretty much refusing to THINK. i've been refusing to think MUCH about him...refusing to think about my upcoming job... i think that its kinda working... i just want to have peace of mind... i know it's a tall order but i believe my NOT thinking MUCH is helping...

/me speechless

guess that's the price to pay when ur not thinking... LOL!...

later

it has been raining hard for the last couple of days... (it's raining hard right this moment...)

watched bad company yesterday.
watched minority report today.

played house of the dead 2 yesterday.
played house of the dead 2 today.

(see a pattern?) l o l!

i was at megamol yesterday. actually.. i was supposed to be picking up my referral for the medical exam at radix (which is at boni.. was only 2 stations away from megamall..) when i got a call from Sykes Asia... i was inside the train (i wasn't fully awake yet..) and before she could say anything else (besides her name and that she's from sykes) .. i said "uhmm.. i already have a job".. then she said "oh.. okay ma'am thank you"... and then i hung up. after about 10 seconds i realized.. "dddduhhhh stupid me.. i haven't signed any contract so technically i wasn't yet employed... (signing of contract will be conducted on my first day.. which is on july 16).. i was thinking.. i mean what ifff it was for an interview or something... i took an exam for their company last month... maybe it takes them that long to process applications, right?.. anyway.. i got out at shaw station..and called them on the payphone.. at first they didn't know who called me (LOL!).. i couldn't remember her name.. all i remembered was that she said she was from Sykes.. anyway.. to make a long story short.. they FINALLY figured out who called me and it turns out.. it was just for an exam schedule (which was for today)...

the test was actually an online site where you could immediately see the results after answering it.. i got an 85% on the HTML exam (18/20) but THEN there was another exam.. an XHTML exam.. (i was like.. "dUH" ) ... waaaah i only got 11/20 questions right (55%) huhuhuh.. how d fuck would i know what XHTML is.. lolz.. was a good thing i got SOME questions right... haaaayy seems like i'm gonna be stuck at Radix after all..(for 2 years!) well.. at least i won't be a bum anymore.. and Sykes isn't even a software company.. i mean.. so what if they're on a great building.. and that they're on ortigas... or that the pay would probably be higher.. (WAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH... /me *shuts up!*)

LOL! seriously... Radix will make me an authentic programmer... Sykes would just make me more fluent with my english... hehehe

/me right left slide

hehe what i just did was the bowler's walk hahahaha.. hugey and i watched some students having their PE class right in megamall.. yup.. they have bowling for PE.. (turns out they were from informatics)

/me right left slides again..

/me remembers house of the dead...

grrrr i think i'm getting addicted.. i mean.. sure it's a waste of time and money but i seem to enjoy shooting those zombies LOL! (*adds "Will Finish HOuse of the Dead 2" in wish list*)

/me remembers list of things that need to be done before going to work.. waaaaaahhhhhh i think i haven't done a single thing.

/me kwits! pak it

... almost forgot.. did i already mention that i miss him terribly.. -_- he called me yesterday... he said out of nowhere that he misses me... God, how i want to believe that... he sounded so sincere and all.. waaaaaahhhhhhh but it's still a fucking cycle.. i should keep that in mind ALWAYS!..

later

i forgot to blog hihhii.

well.. i have a valid excuse!... i was working on my "about me" movie for my HP! i'm almost finished with it.. (just need to add a preloader).. at least one part of my HP is almost done...i need a scanner... (*thinks*)

thanks to marc aka makusleep (for giving extended life to my swish program... *bait²*)

my check list before july 16:
* go to radix again (the company i'll work for the next 2 years).. get my referral for medical exam
* go to megamall for medical exam
* go to NBI, get NBI clearance (wasn't asked before to get one)
* go to DFA (get passport)
* go to UST (get my TOR)
* have my notebook repaired
* finish my HP

whew!

/me kaway keh ate cha! missyuuuuu YiKiTuuuuW!

"When one door closes, another opens. But we often look so regretfully upon the closed door that we don't see the one that has opened for us."(Alexander Graham Bell)

hiningi ko puh talaga!

you know the reason why i asked for that quote? because i'm no longer a bum! yeyyyyyy .. i'll be starting on july 16! *yeheyyyy!* more time to bum around but at least i'm already assured of a job... *YeHeY!*

PLUS the tv my dad bought was delivered today. wooHoo! *kewlness*

i'll just keep on focusing on the good things that are happening in my life... the things that i'll otherwise take for granted... this job is a blessing.. (thank God ^_^) it'll keep me busy... so busy that i won't have time to think about *stuff*.

Heidi Ching: pakasaya ka na for the next 15 days (c/o yahoomsgr)

this is one advice that i'm sure i'll follow