Thursday, May 22, 2003

System Time: 8:33 AM
..wataway to start the morning, crying inside our car while my dad lectures me on schedules, my so-called lack of concern for them, and my over-all irresponsibility.. i cried quietly of course..

..i fully understand ALL of the stuff he said.. that it's given that our house is far so i should know that i've got to leave someplace earlier than the others.. i did just that.. i was the FIRST one to leave Harbie's house.. i arrived at our house at 11:30pm.. we have this sort of unwritten rule that going home anytime after 10 pm already qualifies me for character degradation by my loving parents... hay. mali na kung mali.. but what really exasperates me is when my father tells me that i frequently go home late and that i keep on joining every single affair/party that my friends have.. wala daw ako pinapalampas.. WHICH IS PURE FICTION and totally unfair. there are times when i won't even attempt to ask for my parents' permission because i know they wouldn't allow me even if i cried tears of blood and held a one-man hunger strike.. i ALWAYS try to fulfill that unreasonable, too-early-even-for-nuns 10 pm curfew.. *sighs* one thing i've learned from all this is to just shut up and bear it. trust me, winning an argument over your parents is as rare as a one-time RPG compilation with zero errors.

System Time: 3:23 PM
..uh-oh.. Ma'am M's having her roll-call again.. she usually does this when she needs to know if we're following the programming schedules and how fast (or slow) we're finishing our forms..

System Time: 3:36 PM
..whew.. she didn't ask this time how long it took me to finish a certain form.. good thing cause i wouldn't know what to say.. lol! my forms usually have some new specs, changes, etc. and i don't keep tabs on how many days i have already spent on such modifications.. she just asked me what forms i already finished and what form i'm currently doing now..

gaah. remembered i haven't filed my leave yet. i'll be going to DFA and LTO tomorrow. (with the same reasons as to why people go to such places)


System Time: 3:59 PM
..submitted my leave form..Ma'am Q signed it almost immediately ('cause she's been the one telling me to get my passport already).. no work tomorrow, Hurrah! will watch The Recruit later at home to celebrate, hehe.

System Time: 4:43 PM
..will meet eboy later at Megamall to follow up my application for Addict Mobile at Smart.. (yeah.. i'll make the 10 pm curfew) also will find a digital version of Foto-Gulat to have my picture taken for my passport application.. i don't know if there's a DigiFoto booth in Megamall.. have seen lots of such booth in Glorietta.. hmm.. hope i could find one later..

System Time: 5:28 PM
..yesterday at Harbie's house.. all (except for Eboy) of my ISM barkada was there.. and all of them came with their bfs.. am not the envious type..(really, am not..) but at that time.. i just couldn't help it.. and makes me kinda re-evaluate my stand on long-distance relationships.. i mean, he's not there when you need him.. no matter how many the e-mails sent, text messages received,..nothing beats a real hug. especially at times when you need it the most. sometimes, i feel that being single is far better than being in a LDR. you're not putting your life on hold for something that has actually no assurance. if it's a business, you're investing all your time, money, effort on a proposal you're not even sure will be profitable. but that's life, perce. a gamble, full of risks.. and that's ultimately what i'm doing. i'm holding on to him, risking losing everything in the end. but even if i did walk away with nothing, at least i had the courage to realize my Impossible Love. (am sooo influenced by Veronika Decides to Die)

but what if.. i win? the stuff that we most appreciate and take care of are the ones that have been the most difficult to attain.



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