shit sinisipon ako. baadd twip. eto talaga hate na hate ko na saket. as in. all that sniffing, blowing.. argghh..

anyway, went to the office this morning.. yeah, it's saturday.. OT parin.. but was only there for half a day and then went to kuya rony's anak aka chugchug aka jayden's binyag at Aberdeen.. so kewl ano.. tatay na talaga si kuya rony..

also watched 50 first dates after that with ate joy and ate melody.. couldn't help it.. (chet lagot ako keh dex, dapat sabay kami eh) adam's too cute to resist.. grabeeeeeeeeee yung movie.. award siya! waah! as in, after watching it i was smiling like a goof ball while walking on the lobby.. (medyo teary-eyed din hehe)

just made me realize all over again how lucky i am with dex.. wahhhhhh.. i'll watch it again, this time with dex.. di ko na lng sasabihin na napanood ko na LOL!

speaking of momi, saya saya saya ng baguio trip namin.. nung umpisa medyo (oki payn, ndi lang medyo) nainis ako sa kanya kasi 1. he had to go back home kasi nakalimutan nya charger nya kaya i had to go to the bus terminal without him tas 2. pagdating nya sa terminal... abah, at home at nakatsinelas!

sabi ko .."ano ba yan!? san kala mo tayo pupunta? sa beach??" i guess i was too harsh on him .. siguro medyo kabado lng din ako and first time siya makikita ng iba kong friends and i didn't want him to look like na presentable man lng.. (tsaka hello? baguio and tsinelas?)

ayun.. rocky start pero dex, a great person that he is.. forgot all about my nagging once the bus started rolling and ayun.. let's just say it was an unforgettable road trip. hehe. (unforgettable weekend!)

since first time nya dun, we went to the usual spots.. mines view park, mansion, botanical garden, st.joseph, camp john hay, grotto and burnham park.. super super kakapagod.. di nga ako nakapasok nung monday.. super saket ng katawan kow..

pero ayun.. one thing i've realized since then is how much I LOVE MY MOMI! as in. ala na akong doubts. zero. miss ko na nga siya eh. hay.

sige... eat na ako.. then my much needed sleep..

bye bye take care!

i'm dead tired.

i've been averaging 'bout 12 working hours a day these past weeks.. i was still able to go to baguio with dex last friday..(and hs kada and irvie).. hardly felt like a vacation 'cause it was also tiring.. but it sure beats sitting infront of a monitor for a whole day..

i'll tell you guys more 'bout the baguio trip some other time.. right now, i just wanted to say that i'm still alive and spitting. (lol)

oh.. and one more thing...


i love my momi!!! *mwah mwah mwaH*

System Time: 9:25 AM
was HELL day yesterday, was so busy.. i ate lunch at around 3 pm and left the office close to 10 pm.. the program, the vc++ one went wacko and i had to fix it 'cause they were scheduled to deploy it yesterday.. we had to convert their data to comply with the program i made.. now, i'm all alone in IT dept.. the officers are on some kind of out of town seminar and the rest of the staff are out, deploying the program i made to the different agencies (/me dasal.. sana okey na) .. decided to relax a bit and answer this survey thing i found in ate cha's blog..

High School Life

1. Bakit ka nahuhuli sa pila bago mag flag ceremony?
- late yung service, kasi tagal naming hinintay si ate ross

2. Anong favorite mong bilhin sa canteen?
- funwich (yung ice cream sandwich) tsaka haw flakes

3. Na-guidance/principal's/csde office ka na ba?
- ndi nung HS, nung gradeschool.

4. Sinong favorite teacher mo doon?
- si Mr. Azurin kasi ang fogee nya. har har har.

5. Sinong HATEST teacher mo naman?
- uhmm.. wala ata. la ko pake.

6. San ka usually tumatambay? Why?
- sa field sa gate 7, hihintay kami ng kanya kanyang service

7. What's ur most unforgettable experience sa high school mo?
- dami meh crush saken nung hs eh hahaha (take note, all girls kami) kaya unforgettable saken yung meh iniyakan akong "ka-on" ko at that time.

8. Varsity?
- ndi, ndi ako athletic. lol.

9. Sinong una mong nakilala sa high school mo?
- nyay.. since grade 1 ako sa school na yun eh.. so i guess si Lorraine, yung bestfriend ko nung grade 1 ang una kong nakilala dhel hanggang 4th year din siya dun (pero hindi na kami friends since grade 2 LOL)

10. Sinong mga kabarkada mo nung nag-graduate ka from HS?
- kate, jing, chie, glady, ching (RIP), lara

11. Na-mimiss mo na ba yung uniform mo?
- yeah, paminsan.

12. Ilang beses mo nang nawawala ung ID mo?
- di ko na mabilang.. basta madalas..

13. Favorite teacher's quotable quote?
- la ko maisip.. yung tungkol na lang sa teacher, sinabi ng class president namin nung hs.."classmates naman, tumahimik na kayo.. siya na nga lang ang teacher na favorite tayo eh!"

14. Most unforgettable person? Why?
- yung 2 whiz kids namin nung senior year.. si michelle hernandez and catherine torres. i'm proud to say, umingay sila dahil saken at naging close ko talaga sila. ("TORRES! TORRES, TORRES!")

15. Kelan sa tingin mo dadating ang yearbook?
- magaling yearbook committee namin, pagkakuha lang ng clearance, kasama na yearbook. (*clap clap*)

16. I-describe ang mukha mo sa grad pic.
- ang gwapo ko grabe. lol!

17. Anong binibili mo sa labas tuwing uwian?
- ndi ko na kelangang lumabas eh.. clover bits

18. Nakakita ka na ba ng multo sa school?
- ndi pa. thank God.

19. Nangarag ka ba sa updating/paghahabol sa graduation?
- nope. cool as a cat. har har har.

20. Anung unang-una mong ginawa ryt after graduation?
- picture picture with kada

21. Anong contests ang sinalihan/napanalunan mo?
- wala eh, lie low na ko nung hs. pero nung grade 5 ako, sumali ako sa parang isahang kwento chuva. nag ala lola basyang ako sabay right side prince, left side princess.. (gets nyo ba). twas hilarious. tas nagka "offer" pa ako na mag-star sa isang show.. Mel and Jane.. ako si Jane hahaha..(back up ko lang nun si Rhea Santos.. ni ndi man lang siya si "Mel" LOL!) basta yun ang short lived fame ko..dami ko offers after nun, naging president pa ako ng Drama Club (highly politicized kasi newbie ako tas president kagad hahaha). nung nag HS ako, babay na ako sa showbiz. shado kasi mapolitika.. LOL! nag science club ako kasi ang moderator dun si Mr. Azurin. (see # 4)

22. Kamusta naman ang Intrams?
- sportsfest tawag namin.. masaya kasi each level, kanya kanyang color..(freshman -yellow, sophomore- green, juniors-red, seniors-blue).. para kaming united colors of benetton pag nagsama sama.. tas parang nauunite yung buong level.. saya nung 2nd year, kasi natalo namin mga seniors sa volleyball.. astig dba?

23. Favorite Janitor/Janitress?
- la ko maalala.

24. Kung papalitan ang color ng uniform nyo, anong kulay? Baket?
- oki lang naman eh.. midnight blue ang color

25. Nasa friendster mo ba yung crush mo sa HS mo dati? Eh yung kinagagalitan mo to the nth level?
- sosko. lahat at ng scholasticans asa friendster eh. kaya yep, andun siya.

26. Did you ever regret going to ur HS?
- never.

27. Kilala mo ba kung sino ang nag-post nito at sino siya sa school?
- si ate cha! i expect, maingay sya nun. lol.

28. Sino sa mga ka-batch mo ang dapat napasali sa STARSTRUCK
- si ching (rip) ganda nun eh.

29. San ka na nag-aaral ngayon? Course?
- ala na. graduated at UST, bsc major in ISM. (ano daw? lol)

30. Sino ang peborit labs team of dem all mo?
- si michelle tsaka si jacq. kasi very unlikely pero nagtagal sila. (friends parin sila, nabasa ko kasi testimonial ni michelle keh jacq.. meh kanya kanya na silang boys, infact, si jacq eh meh asawa't anak na!)

31. Anu-ano ang mga section mo?
1- St. Agnes 2- St. Monica 3-St.Hildegarde 4-St.Irene

System Time: 9:44 AM
putek. meh error na naman yung program. WAAAH.

System Time: 4:50 PM
waah. ndi pala hell day.. hell week! just finished installing the program in 4 laptops.. *whew*

kakapagooood!

alis na ako ng maaga.. di ko na kaya toh hehe.. buti na lng ala mga bossings..babay!

System Time: 9:09 AM

we're okay now.

i talked to dex.. it was so hard at first.. i kept on telling him to look straight ahead.. ('cause once he looks down, i could tell he would start crying again) i even told him if he wants to do ala Hua Zi Lei he could go right ahead and do a headstand.. anyway, i told him (almost) everything that's on my mind.. and i'm okay, he's okay.. so i guess that's just that..

we met some of his officemates on our way to buy some cellphone load.. there were 3 of them.. the gay guy, ellen and icko.. dex introduced me to them and ellen said "ahh, ikaw pala si geri, lagi ka nyang kinukwento" then just as we were saying goodbye she added "huwag mo na siyang iiwan uh, nung isang araw lang umiiyak yan, iiwan mo na daw siya"

i just smiled at her and then looked unbelievingly at dex..

/me shakes my head.

*sighs*

i almost wasn't able to talk to him.. 'cause the moment we met, he got teary eyed again and i said "oh? bat umiiyak ka na naman?" then he said "wala lang. ang saya ko"

i wanted to hug him and at the same time slap him.

plus he said so many things that as suzette's gay friend would say is "award! award ang sinabi nya!"

1. hindi kasi ako nagsasawa na kasama ka eh.
2. eh kasi, i'm in love with you.
and this is the one i liked the most..
3. meh priorities kasi ako, family, officemates (friends). ikaw nga lang ang una kong priority.

wahaha. award.

System Time: 1:22 PM
hay back to work...this vc++ program still haunts me huhuhu. the moment i think that i've moved on from it, another error appears. the worst part is i didn't encounter the error myself, another user did. so now i feel as if i'm trying to debug something that isn't existing.. can't find that damn error.. *tapon monitor*

System Time: 4:15 PM
the problem i had was with the date validation.. then i remembered that i used to have a similar kind of problem last time.. i only changed the date format at the regional settings to mm/dd/yyyy.. so i told Ms Jenny (the user) if i could take a look at her laptop for a sec.. i was praying silently while opening the settings.. then voila.. it said "m/d/yyyy".. changed it to mm/dd/yyyy and i hope to God that's the 'cause of the error..

i don't want to change that freaking program anymore!

System Time: 5:45 PM
bye bye bye!

System Time: 2:40
yeah, am still alive.

i did this very insane, horrendous thing to dex that i can't even talk about it here in this blog. i hardly talked about it to anyone as a matter of fact. only my hs friends and.. ria, i think. i only told them about it for my own selfishness. because i knew if i kept it inside i would go insane and die a guilty death.

and you know what. dex still forgave me. argh. i don't know if i should be happy or feel frustrated. (but i sure am still feeling guilty) jing (hs friend) told me "okay naman si dex, uh". then kate (another hs friend, the first one i talked to while i cried my eyes out) said "hay nako geri, dapat mag cool off muna kayo" .. then ria.. who said..i can't remember what she said..lol.. ay, she said this (not in exact words) "yung hindi siya nagagalit dahil natatakot siya sa iyo to the point na feeling mo nawawalan siya ng character, hindi yun ganon. pasensyoso lang tlga siya. hindi sya madaling magalit sa mga petty stuff."

i always complain about these stuff. stuff that other girls would never, ever complain about their bfs.
jing also said "alam mo, parang nagsawa ka lang.. kasi mashado ka na nya mahal" .. i was silent when she said this. and then she added "mayabang ka kasi. kelangan mo ng bf na mayabang din"

hay. i really don't know what to do.

i feel as if i'm settling for him.. i told jing "eh jing meh times kasi na .. ayoko sa kanya" which is so weird. *ngalngal* he hasn't done anything wrong. he adjusts to my schedule, follows me around, does what i want to do. (like if i wanna watch movie, or just hang around.. basta, ako bahala) but that's just my problem. parang wala na siyang sariling opinyon sa buhay. sometimes, i tell him "ANO BA tlga ang gusto MONG kainin?" and i'd get the usual answer na "kaw bahala". arrgh. "IKAW NGA ANOOO?" then he tells me "KAHIT ANO"
*sigh*

i may sound confusing.. 'cause i am. i am so fucking confused. i shouldn't be complaining at all. but i am. arrg. worst part is, there is no such thing as a clean break-up with dex. kate said "ano ka ba, magmo-move on din yan. kaya nya yun".
HA! i told her, "you don't know him, kate" he cries and really sounds/looks (sorry for the word) pathetic.. when i finally answered his call last wednesday.. i wanted to shout at him and say "huminahon ka nga! wala ka bang pride!" arrgh. double arggh.

but then jing would tell me about dex' qualities. how much he loves me. and my fear of being alone. it all adds up as to why we're still together.

i'm selfish. mayabang. powtah nagmamaganda pa ako. diba, ano ba nirereklamo ko. hay buhay.

dex forgave me. we haven't seen each other since the incident but he already texted me and told me HE'S sorry. (toldya) i felt relieved and frustrated at the same time. (not to forget, confused) i don't know if i want him to forgive me. but i also don't know if i want to let him go.

ei, ria just texted me. asa fudpark daw siya. baba ako. brb

System Time: 4:12 PM
this is ria's advice: "give dex what he deserves.. and that's respect."

o-kay. god, am sorry.

well, ria's advice made me more confused than ever.

i feel like crying.

it doesn't help that ALL signs point to sticking it out with dex. first, after the incident, i tried texting him this message.. "ayoko na. sori".. but then, my fucking phone won't work. i swear! i can't text at all! (it just said "SMS failed" all the time.. meh load ako uh! "SMS barred" ang message pag ala akong load) i couldn't call or text the whole night. (now, my phone's perfectly fine).. the next day, i didn't want to go to work so i went to the farm with dadi.. and of course, dad asked about dex, for the first time. (that, of all days) he asked like "yung bf mo, ano nga ba ulit pangalan nun?" (LOL)
me: "dexter"
dadi: "taga san yun ulit? cebu?"
me: "yep"
dadi: "anong pangalan ng call center na pinagtatrabuhan nya?"
me: "malcolm lloyd"

*gusto sapukin si dadi*
he went on asking about stuff like where he's staying, how long he's been here etc. remember, this was the day after the incident so i didn't really want to talk about him.. but then my dad keeps on bringing him up.. after we got home, my mom's friend called and yes, she asked again if i had a boyfriend. i didn't wanna go on a long story like "uhm, meron, pero medyo nag away kami kasi nag walkout ako at iniwan ko siya at hindi nya ako kinakausap ngayon" so i just said.. "meron po". then she said "buti ka pa eh mga kapatid mo blah blah blah".. you know, like magiging matandang dalaga daw mga kapatid ko (actually, matandang dalaga na si ate chary hehe) and that it's going to be hard to live all alone blah blah..

she basically told me what i've been fearing the most if i break it up with dex.. that i'll never find someone else that would love me as much as dex loves me..it's super selfish.. and extremely unfair to dex. but then, there would be times that just seeing him makes me blissfully happy and contented.. that i would like to shake myself and say "what the fuck was i thinking? what's fucking wrong with me! he's perfect!"

THEN he would act some of his probinsyano ways and i would get TOTALLY turned off.

*sighs*

i hate this.

i'm supposed to meet him later, after work... i still have no idea what to say to him..

/me kanta "whyyyy can't i breathe whenever i talk about you...why can't i speak whenever i think about you" hehe. ahh crap.

System Time: 5:33 PM
gtg. *hinga ng malalim* bye!

My blog last March 3, 2004:

System Time: 4:10 PM

god, that was creepy.

just went to see ate pretz in an employee orientation for prumerica (na-absorb na siya eh), and for a second there i thought i was transported to twilight zone.. it brings a whole new meaning to weirdness.. they had a video clip playing on a big projection tv and as soon as the music started playing, everyone started clapping to the music. i looked at Sir Jason and Sir Felix, they too were part of the clapping brigade. i felt that everyone expected ME to join them...i never even clapped while watching a concert, so i wouldn't clap while sitting down and watching some crappy video clip if my life depended on it. even after the video clip, they started a whole new round of applause. (they were applauding their clapping...lol)

anyway, my main purpose of going there was to watch ate pretz and her speech was just right, with the proper comedy effect and serious commitment-stuff-talk. she sounded like one of them already. i remember the first time i told my sister, ate ging that i was going to be assigned here, at Prumerica. she said "prumerica? ang weird ng mga tao dun"

now i know what she meant.

System Time: 4:57 PM
..will go home earlier than usual.. bye for now!

My blog last March 1, 2004:

System Time: 3:19 PM
just another manic monday.

i wish it was sunday.

'cause that's my fun day.

LOL

have a little notebook for my website project. i better keep things organized 'cause there's money involved and i don't want to forget a deadline or something like that.. i really, really need a graphics designer.. i just suck at color schemes and am just not creative enough for that kind of thing..so what i plan to do is do the actual dynamic site (programming etc) and pay someone to do the graphics and over-all color theme..I texted sistah but she hasn't replied yet.. if she's not interested, i'd ask Koj to do it..

ei.. everyone's in a meeting.. i'll continue reading Catcher in the Rye..hehe

System Time: 6:01 PM
isang himalaaa ang bilis ng oras, lol.. babay!