...love you lola

church2
Originally uploaded by geWi.

a LOT has happened this past week, and i don't really know how to start this blog..i have so much stuff to tell, but all of them seem pretty petty because of what happened last monday morning. My lola died that day. My mom's mom.. the one whom i had the chance to live with for 4 years, when i was studying at UST. the one who calls me "Baby ko" each time she sees me. the only one who was able to fatten me up a bit, with her constant reminder for me to eat something before i leave the house. the one who will give us 500 bucks on our birthday. the one who didn't look like 90 'cause she walked, talked, and listened to us like a 30 year old would do. but that was her age, 90. i knew of course, that the time will come for her to leave us and join our lolo.. but i guess, i was in denial. i couldn't imagine then that she would leave us. i have always imagined that she would live until she was 110 and that she'll be able to see Tenten grow into a young man, or that she'll be able to see MY future children. it still feels surreal, to be honest. This morning we went to loyola to visit her. i didn't cry at that time, maybe because my cousins were there to provide the necessary distraction. it was like old times, when we would visit lolo, but this time, lola is with him. i still feel so lonely when i think that lola is gone. she's really gone. everytime i go up to Auntie Boot's apartment, i will no longer go straight to Lola's room and bless to her. I will no longer see her there, watching the stupid Kapamilya channel or watch her beat my Aunts and Uncles when they play mahjong. I wont be able to kiss her goodbye or hug her anymore. i will no longer see her each Christmas Day. it just hurts so much. i know she's in heaven now, and i should quit being selfish. she's where she belongs, beside lolo and beside God. I just want to thank her for loving us unconditionally. I thank her for being the best lola one could possibly have. I thank her for giving me the best memories a grand child can have. I love you so much lola. I will miss you terribly.