Wednesday, February 12, 2003

haaay. TG this day is over.

thought it was going to be just another boring day... you could say that it was my fault.. me and my being lazy.. just decided that i wanted to skip work again..

woke up at the sound of my mother's voice... don't know who she's talking to.. but i think she was talking to someone on the phone..

dragged myself out of bed and went down to see her watching TV.. she didn't look like she was watching actually.. just staring to space..


she's hurt that my father didn't ask her to come with him to his errand... when she woke up my father already left..

my father kept on making ME the reason.. that I would be left all by myself.. blah blah.. hay.

spent the WHOLE day convincing my mom not to leave us. my eyes still hurt 'cause i've been crying all day.. my mom looks worse.. she hasn't even eaten.. i've tried giving her dinner.. she wouldn't open the door.. i texted her... told her to get her food.. she said she wasn't hungry.. TG for modern communication devices..

dad's already home.. told him he shouldn't talk to mom yet.. mom's too angry..

she told me how he kept on making her feel insignificant.. the my father doesn't treat her as his partner.. that he has no respect for her.. i tried to defend my father.. i tried so hard... she told me how my father was never a gentleman to her.. it hurts so much to hear her say that.. 'cause i love my father.. and i think he's the best.. he's never been unkind to me and my sisters.. he doesn't have vices like other fathers do.. she just told me some more stuff that i didn't want to hear.. i love my mother also.. unconditionally.. but i don't know what to tell my father.. HE's just like that.. its hard to change him now.. my mother said we bring the worst in her..


my blog doesn't make any sense right now.. i'm just confused.. and tired.

i'm texting my mother right now.. to think she's just in the other room..

my mom's tired also. she told me how it was hard to be alone for more than 25 years.. she didn't work so that she could take care of us.. she said that she would sometimes go on a whole week without uttering a word.. 'cause my father will be out before she wakes up.. and when dad comes home it'll be just to eat and sleep.. she has so many regrets in her life.. she told me some of them today..

i'm not a good daughter you see.. i'm not showy.. my sisters are worse.. she just wants to feel our love.. and our appreciation..

i just want to turn back the time.. i want to change.. to take back EVERY disrespectful thing i've said to her.. done to her..

but i can't do that... but i do have tomorrow.. and many other chances..

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