...here we go again

yeah, that's my test. still can't friggin believe it. i think it was march 2 when i realized i didn't get my period the whole of february. but i was thinking since february was just 28 days, maybe i was just late. i started to get nervous and decided to buy a test. you should've seen me when the test said 'pregnant' .. i was like "p*tangina!!" and almost dropped the test.

i am mostly okay now. mostly happy. if i had to give a number, i'd say 70% happy, 30% a nervous wreck.. i'm just nervous about doing it all over again. you see, raising tsugtsug wasn't easy for us.. i honestly don't know how other mothers make it look so easy.. breastfeeding was not a stroll in the park.. i experienced every hardship.. the bleeding, scabbing.. i had the inverted nipple, tsug wasn't latching at first.. plus i couldn't really pump milk that well.. at least, in the breastfeeding aspect, i'm pretty sure the 2nd time is much, much easier.

then tsug still is not sleeping through the night. also a consequence of my direct feeding. he has associated nursing with sleeping. he sleeps at 9:30pm, wakes up at 12, 3, 5, 8. although he just nurses and sleeps right away, it's still a pain in the ass(or mostly my back). it's really my fault. it's easier for me to just lay sideways and lift my shirt than to wake up fully and try to sway him to sleep. since giving birth to tsug, i haven't slept for more than 5 hours straight. that's almost 2 years.

we have to wean tsugtsug now.. and i have no idea how to do it. i thought i could just hang on, for another year then he could quit on his own. but i guess, that plan is no longer feasible.

then there's the tsugtsug tv addiction. i swear, on baby no name, i will not let him/her watch tv while eating. even if it's sooo much easier to feed tsug while watching tv (he just opens his mouth while i surreptitiously feed him), i will not take the easier route this time. feeding tsug in a restaurant is suuuuch a pain. we never know if he'll throw a tantrum. we've become those parents who take turns eating while the other parent takes the kid out of the restaurant and entertains him. when tsug behaves extraordinarily well at a restaurant, we are certain to come back! tsugtsug approved!!

on a happy note.. i'm glad tsug will have a play buddy. and i like the idea of the 4 of us, instead of just 3. and hopefully tsug becomes less of a brat.

so much for purging tsugtsug's toys. lol.

anyway, some things i've learned from tsugtsug that i'll apply to baby no name:
1. i'll pump milk no matter how tiring it is. better to make him get used to the bottle than direct feeding all the time. this time around, i want to have more 'me' time.

2. let him cry it out in the crib.. don't pick him up right away. and for goodness sake, don't let him sleep at your chest. i did that until tsug was almost 7 months!!!

3. no tv during mealtime

4. get a friggin yaya.

5. buy a medela PISA pump. no more avent!

that's it. doesn't sound so bad after all. i can do this. just focus on the positives.. how fun it will be to have another baby! helloooo baby shopping! hehe.

we can do this! aza aza.... fighting!