...melancholy and the infinite sadness

always wanted to use SP's album in my title, now i can! (syempre iba spelling pero i don't think Melon Collie would cut it)

i can't even begin to describe what i'm feeling now.. it's sort of a 'happy-kind-of-sad' feeling.. last thursday night, we were okay, kwento-kwento while packing his stuff.. after that we were lying in bed, looking at each other.. and without anyone uttering a single word, we both started crying horrendously.. no sniffs for us, it was a certified bawler night.. luckily, that was the one and only night we cried like that.. our conversation was kinda funny, come to think of it..
pangs: "bakit ba tayo maghihiwalay.. eh kakakasal lang naten.. ngayon lang tayo pwede lumabas na walang paalam-alam sa magulang..pwede tayo kumain sa labas ng late night, okay lang.. pwede tayo mag last full show.."
ako: "oo nga" *huuuuhuhuhuhu* "hindi lang naten magawa kasi wala na tayong pangkain sa labas"

ehehehe. comedy. i guess that just sums it all up.. we had to do this, 'cause we simply want to have more breathing room when it comes to our finances..

my dad talked to me last night.. i think my mom took my "hinaings" seriously.. 'cause i was like telling her that we don't eat out regularly na, we don't watch the movies.. and i think she blamed my dad 'cause we were paying my dad 15k a month for the house loan.. my dad said "kung hindi nyo kaya 15k, edi 12k a month na lang, kayo naman nagsabi ng 15k a month eh" i told him that kaya naman namin 15k, gusto lang namin magkaipon kasi breakeven lang kami ngayon.. she said my mom is going crazy again with her ideas like we should sell the house na 'cause we can't afford it, ndi man lang daw makapanood ng sine ang mga bata, hehe.. i told my dad, not to mind my mom 'cause i told him "eh GANUN naman talaga eh, syempre dapat mag-iba ang lifestyle namin, hindi pwede tulad ng lifestyle namin nung single kami".. my dad said i shouldn't tell those things to my mom 'cause she wouldn't understand and would think that we are 'kinakawawa' or something like that.. anyway, i agreed to shut my big mouth when it comes to money matters to my mom.. and about selling the house..i told my dad.."hello? kaya nga pumuntang singapore si raymond para mabayaran namin ng mabilis yung bahay tsaka mapaganda namin eh" so that is definitely out of the question.. and i think, this is our lucky house so we're not going to part with it anytime soon..

friday night was my mocha-blends-session with Jing and Kate.. chie and her husband also made it.. kwentuhan as usual, and i was convincing Kate to go to Singapore too (she's using RPG/AS400 in a bank, daming skills na ganun kailangan dun eh) and i think i did a good job.. pwede na akong ambassador ng singapore..

erlyn said in our yahoogroups..
migosh naman ang ihip talaga ng hangin ano paiba iba. hehe kalain mo eh dati sobrang adamant ka na di ka pupunta kahit san outside pinas, ngayon nagkukumahog ka na ding umalis ha. oh well. ano kelan kitakits?

grabe tlga, i mean, i'm far from being a patriot but i didn't have any inkling of a dream to work abroad before.. even when we got married, we thought we could just continue working in Pinas, just like what our parents did (and we turned out okay, diba?) but that 2 weeks in Singapore gave me so much perspective than any news article or tv show featuring our successful OFWs/immigrants/etc could give.. i remember thinking..there exists a country, where people put their valuables in their back pockets without fear of anyone stealing it.. (in my 2 weeks there, i still put my body bag infront of me..takot pa rin ako, baka ma-news ako pag nanakawan ako eh! lol!) .. where i could freely walk inside a mall without anyone looking at my bag, checking if i have bought BOMB with me.. where a cigarette butt on the pavement is as rare as trash cans here in manila.. where bus drivers trust their passengers to automatically pay for their fare themselves.. where senior citizens are still considered valuable, for working as a crew in a restaurant is really something that they can still do, even at their age.. where you can't see smoke coming out of the tambuchos of vehicles.. i mean, it's far from being perfect, but there's SUCH a drastic difference that you can't help but feel stupid and idealistic thinking that your country can still make it. and i haven't even started about the money we could make. of course, we don't plan on actually living there for good, (we would DEARLY miss the philippines, even with it's bulok government and dirty streets) but at least we'd have the taste of WHAT COULD be possible.

*sighs* all this serious talk makes me miss raymond so much more. Saturday lunch, we ate at Dampa Libis where we were joined by Raymond's family and Tita Ebot's family (and of course, mine).. we had sooooooo much food, i was still eating the tuna kilawin last night..

there's also the matter of my sleeping arrangement, now that Pangs is out of the country.. so now, i'm still sleeping at our house with Margie (my helpful help who watches the Koreanovela..last night we were watching Wonderful Life) and eating dinner at my parents house, hehe.

Pangs is now deployed in IBM Singapore, at Changi (ang layo sa CBD, at least, baka mura ang rent ng apartment dun) and maganda sa resume, IBM Singapore, hehe.. good luck kay pangs ko, i pray na mabait yung client, mabait yung officemates nya at meh magyaya sa kanyang mag lunch, hehe.. (that's always my fear on my first day at work..sino kalunch ko? lol) i pray that time moves fast and i pray for christmas to come (means sasama na ako keh Pangs!) i pray for new friends for my pangs, new hobbies wag lang new girl. bwehehe. and syempre, pangs ko, OFW ka na, kaya magremit ka dito sa Pinas ng makatulong ka naman sa bansa naten, BWAHAHA. *winks*

i miss you.